Gay Bars?

[Comtemplation]

In the advice a friend of mine gave me while in search of other gays to be friends and/or boyfriends with, she suggested going to a gay bar several times, while I'm rather unsure of the idea. I personally don't like the idea, maybe I'm wrong, but I get the idea that gay bars are more for hook-ups rather than something more long term. And not to mention that Calgary isn't exactly the most open city here in Canada either.

I haven't fully explored all my other options, but she seems a bit insistent on the idea of going to gay bars. And more than likely I wouldn't go since at this point, it's still way out of my comfort zone, and would prefer a more introvert's approach.

 

[altlover85]

I think it depends on the kind of gay bar you go to. Some gay bars are more of a neighborhood, pub type place, while others are more about picking someone up, and others are more about having some drinks and doing some dancing.

No matter what, do what you feel comfortable with, but at the same time, if what you have been doing isn't working for you perhaps it's time to slowly expand your comfort zone.

 

[MrBubulino]

You won't know until you try.

Going to a gay bar doesn't mean they will force you to have sex with somebody in the bathroom. Maybe it's just a place for pick ups but you can always say 'thank you, but I'm not interested'.

But maybe it's a cool place where people go to hang out and you get to meet someone if not for a relationship at least for a friendship.

I think you should go and decide by yourself if you like it or not.

 

[Adhesion]

I first started going to a gay club nearby, ooooh... three months ago? (Wow, has it been that long?!) It took a couple weeks to work up the nerve just to sit in the parking lot... and then an hour after that of my best friend texting me bodily harm threats to get me in the door.

My first night--utterly miserable and boring.

But, it didn't hurt me, so I kept going back. One night a week. Then two nights a week. I was going, at one point, three nights a week. I'm limiting myself to a couple nights, however--sometimes both is Thursday and Friday because there's a Drag show that's amusing, or it may be a Friday / Saturday if a good friend wants to go with me (Saturdays are always busier at my place).

I've developed a few acquaintances at the place. I've gotten to know some bartenders, the promoter of the club, the general manager, and a handful of regulars also. I still feel "new", but I've been doing my own thing now for a few months. And while it's not painful to go alone--I just got in from going alone tonight--it's always way more fun to go with someone.

But you have to start somewhere.

 

[altlover85]

Good for you Adhesion! I think it's awesome that you were able to get over your fears and start to make some friends there. It takes a lot of guts to go into a gay bar alone. I have only gone with friends and never alone.

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

Ugh.

No.

Gay bars are a lot of fun if you're looking to hang out with friends or get laid.

not to MAKE friends.

But there's a very vibrant gay community in Calgary. Why not join a gay hockey team? there's quite a few there. Or a gay bowling league? Or a gay rodeo club? Or a gay mountain biking club?

Or a political action group? Reading club?

What do you like to do?

Because that's a great way to meet men in a non-sexually-charged or alcohol-fueld environment and you'll meet men you have something in common with.

Oh... and this is gonna suck... you need to ditch the faghag. Now.. I'm not saying to stop being friends with your female friends... but don't bring he to places when you're trying to meet guys. Because a "friend that's a girl" is man repellant.

Just saying.

Good luck.

 

[Fuzzy1]

I googled the gay bars in Calgary, I've been in Calgary a number of times since my sister lives there but it's been probably 15 years since I went to a gay bar there and I don't frequent gay bars at all now and haven't for many years. Apparently there are about 6 bars listed as gay, with Twisted Element being the one with the highest rateing. I take it you are fairly young and still in the coming out process. I personally don't care for the bar scene because I don't drink, and like talking to people, the bars are frequently to loud music wise to have VLT's and people often play the lottary termanals rather than talk. It wouldn't hurt to take a look just to see if its something you might like. You never know until you try, personally I like coffee shops better. Alcohol doesn't cloud your judgement and it's better for talking and getting to really know people. The bars in Calgary seem to be mainly on 10th and 11 ave SW. off of McCloud Trail. I'm sure you can google them for location, and maybe you have some gay friends already that can give you more accurate local advice. It's always better to take it slow and watch the amount you drink. Be safe.

 

[backpacker]

There are different kinds of gay bars. The more neighborhood type gay bars are often a good place to meet people like you want. The dance clubs are far more about hook ups, but I have ended up with boyfriends and friends from those as well.

A great way to make friends is to join gay groups. Calgary is large enough that there will be gay groups for a number of different activities. There are often groups for particular sports, outdoors, singing, cars, diner clubs, etc. The nice thing is that you already have some common ground with everyone in the group and it's a relaxed environment. Good luck!