Gay but Can't Come Out

[aneal_lingus]

I agree with Lube, if you get "caught" that your situation will become drastically worse for you mainly because of the negative attention.

Coming out to your friend was a great move in many ways and I encourage you to continue on that way. Since you've made the first step, I hope your next will be to no longer deny it (if you ever have). Your comfort with it is key and you'd be surprise how your acceptance of your self will automatically result in others' acceptance of you.

I also KNOW that you should not be pressured into leading a movement when you yourself are not ready for it. Take your time but do be conscious that the day may come. Be ready for it and don't let anyone see you sweat.

Hopefully you'll be at a place in your life where it being public knowledge doesn't bother you. (as long as the people your close to accepts it)

I wish you luck and strength!

 

[aneal_lingus]

[sidenote*]
it is no ones business who sent PRIVATE messages (hense the name). The hostility needs to go because it is doing nothing for the purpose of JUB. I am so glad that when I was struggling with my sexuality that flaming was at a much lower level, otherwise I fear I might still be in the closet...and a virgin! Some of the posters here are in rare form for some reason and I hope its only temporary. There are guys who need real advice and some of them don't have time for the so-called "tough love". If your are not going to give good advice then change your tampon and keep the comment to yourself.

(or maybe that's just my thinking, I dunno)

 

[Moss]

just talking from a sports perspective, i would probably wait until you lock up first team status. I would hate to see you come out of the closet and then be restricted in moving up the depth chart over something like being gay.

Wait until your an established member of a team with a guaranteed contract and then I think it would be safe to come out.

Also don't do it during the season, it would be pretty distracting for your teammates if your team gets local (or national) media coverage. It would make dealing with the situation a lot harder if you were hounded with questions about your personal life for a few weeks.

 

[Lube]

Dónal Óg Cusack

 

[SAdude]

Sorry to hear about ur situation, I wish some pro 'football' (we call it soccer in South Africa ) would come out, since my friends are major Europe football fans and maybe if their heroes came out, it would become less of an issue to them

 

[ronnie54321]

Personal courage and sacrifice are the two things that have changed the world for millions of gay guys today.

How can footballers be so tough, but so gutless?

ASS HOLE You don't know wat guts it takes to not hurt family, plus put your job on the line. (BEST OF LUCK)ManInBlack

 

[SAdude]

ASS HOLE You don't know wat guts it takes to not hurt family, plus put your job on the line. (BEST OF LUCK)ManInBlack

Big ups 2 you man!! So true

 

[Lube]

<expletive deleted> You don't know what guts it takes to not hurt family, plus put your job on the line.

Sorry, staying in the closet is the easy way out. And how is staying closeted putting your job on the line? On the contrary.

But, you know, it's 2010, not 1950.

 

[G-Lexington]

On many sporting teams, it IS 1950. Which is why this is still an issue for them when it isn't for us.

Lex

 

[rareboy]

ASS HOLE You don't know wat guts it takes to not hurt family, plus put your job on the line. (BEST OF LUCK)ManInBlack

Oh....puhleeze.

I'm thinking of the courage it took for the late Brandon Burk to come out.

I stand by my original post. While hiding might take great skill in lying to everyone and yourself, it does not require guts. The logic is specious and if it had applied to all walks of life, we'd all be closeted. The fairies who fought back in the 60's and 70's didn't lose their jobs and 'hurt' their families so that homos who like to hit or kick balls should be hidden.

But go ahead. Treat the sports homos like they're a special case. that way the illusion of a heterocracy can be maintained.

 

[Lube]

Oh....puhleeze.

I'm thinking of the courage it took for the late Brandon Burk to come out.

I stand by my original post. While hiding might take great skill in lying to everyone and yourself, it does not require guts. The logic is specious and if it had applied to all walks of life, we'd all be closeted. The fairies who fought back in the 60's and 70's didn't lose their jobs and 'hurt' their families so that homos who like to hit or kick balls should be hidden.

But go ahead. Treat the sports homos like they're a special case. that way the illusion of a heterocracy can be maintained.

On many sporting teams, it IS 1950. Which is why this is still an issue for them when it isn't for us.

Lex

What rareboy said.

It's funny that the "straight acting" sports-type guys (the ones who hate the femmy gays, the ones who hate the Pride parades) are the biggest chicken shits around.

They're always waiting for someone else to take the lead, and they're the first to distance themselves when someone does take the lead.

No leadership qualities.

Heroes? Not in my book.

Pathetic.

(And, yes, I was once pathetic myself. I admit it.)

 

[tominstl]

We may honor the man that gives his own life to save others, but we have no right to demand that he do so. It is his choice. No one has a right to tell anyone that they must out themselves and give up their career because the rest of us want to benefit from it.

ManInBlack, my only advice to you is to not deny honesty for yourself. You have to be true to yourself and you also have to look out for your own well-being. If you can not lose your career, then stay closetted. If you must have a relationship, then do what you can to find someone willing to share your public limitations. Ideally, you can stay honest and you will find that most others will respect you for it. Try hard not to lie, but do not judge yourself harshly if lying is required for a greater good. At some point I suspect you will find that your need for love and companionship will outweigh your chosen career, but only you will know when that shift in balance occurs.

 

[ManInBlack]

What rareboy said.

It's funny that the "straight acting" sports-type guys (the ones who hate the femmy gays, the ones who hate the Pride parades) are the biggest chicken shits around.

They're always waiting for someone else to take the lead, and they're the first to distance themselves when someone does take the lead.

No leadership qualities.

Heroes? Not in my book.

Pathetic.

(And, yes, I was once pathetic myself. I admit it.)

I'll agree that I am selfish for not wanting to come out, but my pocket leads my lifestyle atm. I'm enjoying myself, started to come out to people close to me and so far have only had positive responses. Maybe in the future I will feel confident and secure enough to do the right thing, but the wrong thing is what I feel I can only do atm.

 

[joecandy]

as long as you don't knock gay people as a means of appearing straight then thats the main thing.

but i know 99% of people in your position will say derogatory comments about gays to deflect suspicion.

i dont agree with the 'its ok to stay in the closet if it will affect your financial situation if you came out'. its about being true to yourself, regardless of your bank balance.

 

[Red Storm]

Oh....puhleeze.

I'm thinking of the courage it took for the late Brandon Burk to come out.

I stand by my original post. While hiding might take great skill in lying to everyone and yourself, it does not require guts. The logic is specious and if it had applied to all walks of life, we'd all be closeted. The fairies who fought back in the 60's and 70's didn't lose their jobs and 'hurt' their families so that homos who like to hit or kick balls should be hidden.

But go ahead. Treat the sports homos like they're a special case. that way the illusion of a heterocracy can be maintained.

Brandon came out after he had quit hockey. He was working with his college hockey team. His dad is a very respected General Manager and a vocal one. It was great to read his story but to this day I haven't heard of any college hockey players nor NHL players coming out while in either league

 

[rareboy]

He was working with his college hockey team.

He was still working within the college hockey field when he came out.

 

[a_guebo]

In Argentina it's the same... not only in football but in any profession! I kind of understand your situation... I'm in it too... I know if I go out the closet I would lose my normal life and I'd lose most of my friends.

I would stay in the closet because your future is on stake. But if I get to meet a really nice guy I would date him keeping a low profile... maybe disguise him to the press as your roomie or your best friend.

But I'm not really the one to give advices... I'm in a similar position.. but in my case it does help that I like women and I feel sexually attracted to them, so it calms in a way my need. But sometimes I just ask myself why... things could be easier... and most of the times, I don't get an anwser.

Wish you the best mate!

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I'll agree that I am selfish for not wanting to come out, but my pocket leads my lifestyle atm. I'm enjoying myself, started to come out to people close to me and so far have only had positive responses. Maybe in the future I will feel confident and secure enough to do the right thing, but the wrong thing is what I feel I can only do atm.

Understandable. As I said, it's not like you can pick up and get another high-paying job at another sports team (complete with high-paid endorsement deals) if it doesn't go over well. Glad you're moving ahead with coming out to those closest to you. And hopefully, you'll soon feel secure enough that you'll want to risk making the right move. Positive thoughts your way.

Lex