Gay Dating AUGHHH

[TNBliss81]

Just wondering if anyone else is as frustrated with the gay dating scene as I am. I realize it is a bit area specific. I live in TN, if that tells you anything.

I just feel that most of the websites, apps, etc all just promote picture stalking and it's more or less of a meat market. At least in the old days of Gay.com there was some chatting via the chat room.. but now it's all so "Instant messagey."

Just venting and wondering if anyone else has gotten frustrated by this.

 

[Seasoned]

Small towns and rural areas probably don't give one many other options, but anyone with an urban outlet would do well to use all available resources like joining clubs and groups. I hate playing the old fart, but imagine what life would be like without the internet.

 

[TNBliss81]

Gosh yeah. Without the Internet it would be REALLY hard.

 

[Seasoned]

But that's not to mean I don't empathize. Sifting through profiles and strings of messages can't be fun. Are you anywhere near a city where you'd have the chance of joining a club or group? If not, keep doing what you're doing. Dating under any circumstance can be tedious and difficult.

I'm glad you've found JUB.

 

[TNBliss81]

Yeah, at the very least I hoped to connect to the gay community through this site. I figured this would promote discussion and conversation.

 

[Brian Smith]

Hey.

When you are looking around on the Internet, forget about whether or not the venue you are at is intended to be a dating site. Just omit from your mind the very concept that you even care whether a site is explicitly intended for dating or not. That doesn't mean that you avoid dating sites, but I am talking about something even more radical:

Ignore the reason you are SUPPOSED to be there, and evaluate what you SEE.

It doesn't matter what the supposed topic of a social venue is, whether it is video games, politics, or a mutual obsession with barbecue sauces. It could be something completely innocent-looking, or it could be some wacko leather kink site. However, you will find people out there who are in pretty much the same situation as you. You just have to learn to take the visors off of your eyes, and pay attention to what people are actually saying.

If you find the right place, you will find out there is another guy in Tennessee, not far from you, bitching about the same problem that you have. It probably passes across your vision every day, and you just don't see it. You don't see it because you are not looking for it. However, you can get a feel for the kind of environment and the kind of conversation that gets people talking about themselves in a certain candid way. It is something that you have to learn, and you learn it by paying attention, and I mean by spending a while paying attention to everything.

What you try to get a feel for is that special tone of conversation that gets people talking in a candid way and makes them open to romantic overtures. Remember, the sweet spot where you have a good chance of finding a guy is not just a place, but it's a time.

And you can recognize a lonely gay guy. I hate to say it, but, if you have a developed sense for it, it's like they have a beacon flashing on their heads. I cannot put words to how or give you some kind of theory on it, but I can sniff them out quicker than a bluetick coonhound.

 

[TNBliss81]

wow. Yeah that is a def good way of approaching it. I will for sure try that. I'm def all for a more casual effortless way of meeting people.

 

[Brian Smith]

wow. Yeah that is a def good way of approaching it. I will for sure try that. I'm def all for a more casual effortless way of meeting people.

Heh, not so much effortless as putting in the right effort. Never ever automatically believe what a site sells itself as. The kinds of people a site draws is intuitive once you get a feel for it, though. For example, you will find a few basic kinds of people on a (bad) dating site:

One of them lost his last six lovers because he kept demanding money

One of them is angry at his boyfriend and wants to use you to get revenge

One of them is constantly getting ankle-deep in relationships and then retreating suddenly

There is at least one who lives in his mother's basement

Another one is a total phony who acts shocked when you tell him that you wanted a real relationship

...and you find other recurring themes. But that doesn't mean that all dating sites are bad. What I am saying is that there is a lot more to a site than what it markets itself as, and you have to learn how to detect it by instinct. You eventually get a feel for the kinds of social environment that draw people who are likely to be open to real intimacy, and it might be in places you would not expect. You just have to open up your eyes, and take a real look at what kinds of people you are talking to.

 

[Rolyo85]

In almost two years of constantly using Grindr, I have never encountered any of these stereotypes...

 

[Brian Smith]

In almost two years of constantly using Grindr, I have never encountered any of these stereotypes...

Grindr is an awesome app, though.

 

[cgymike]

In almost two years of constantly using Grindr, I have never encountered any of these stereotypes...

Yeah but you are still single so obviously it's not working in that regard.

 

[Brian Smith]

Yeah but you are still single so obviously it's not working in that regard.

Well, in another thread, we did discuss the Grindr app, and my understanding is that it is intended for people who are seeking casual. If that's what you are looking for, it rocks.

 

[jarib1]

Well, in another thread, we did discuss the Grindr app, and my understanding is that it is intended for people who are seeking casual. If that's what you are looking for, it rocks.

Go for it.