I have a friend from when I lived in North Carolina (I lived there until my mid 20's) and his name is John. We were friends for years before I moved here (Central Florida) and a couple of months after I moved, he moved here too. We were that close.
For a while we lived together, and then he left here and moved to Fort Lauderdale, about 3 1/2 hours from here. After this, we lost touch with each other.
I had always thought about him and never forgot about him. He was always there in the back of my mind and for years I it made me crazy to find out where he was and get in touch with him. I just didn't know how to do it. I did internet searches, phone directories, everything I did came up dry.
Well, a couple of months ago I tried something on classmates.com. At this point in time almost 17 years has lapsed!! I searched for him by his last name, which is an unusual one. Well, his sister came up as registered on classmates.com and she was still living in North Carolina (different city though) so I sent her an e-mail message, and she replied with John's cell phone number. He was still in Fort Lauderdale.
So, I called him. When he answered I was in shock. I said "Hello?" and he said the same then "Who's this?" and I told him my name. He was dead silent for about 10 seconds and then he just freaked out (in a good way). Then the conversations began, we were back in touch again finally.
Now, we have regular conversations and talk all of the time. We are also planning on visiting each other soon just so we can see and hug each other, catch up on the times, etc.
Our lives have taken completely different paths. As for me, I have a home, a partner that I have been with for 7 years, his mother who lives with us and his dog (all from Brazil), a career and my life is very stable and happy. I'm completely satisfied with my life.
His life, on the other hand, is in complete turmoil. He has a tendency to fall for the "bad boy" type of guy.....tattoos, long hair, supposedly straight, or bisexual and he has never been able to have a stable relationship because of this. He proceeds to tell me that he wants what I have, a relationship, family, home, etc. So I question his methods of meeting people and tell him that he needs to change and think long term about what he really wants in life.
He is living in a new place just in the last few weeks, the last "bad boy" he was with, a "straight" guy who has 4 kids. Beat him up pretty badly around Christmas last year. He got away from this guy but he's completely obsessed with him. All he can talk about is how he loves this guy and he's so hot, etc. etc. I told him he needs to get a grip and stay away from people like this because of the "if they hit you once, they will hit you again" mantra.
Anyway, I think you get the point of where the current situation stands. So now I am trying to talk common sense to him and help him get on the right track, but it's not easy. He really seems to be attracted to this "bad boy" type of guy that I don't feel will do him any good at all. He has trouble finding anyone else because he says he doesn't like "gay people". He hangs around straight girls and lesbians. I told him "How the hell are you going to meet anyone unless you find some gay friends?" So, I'm trying to encourage him to make changes in his own life if he wants thing to be different, because nobody can do that for him. He needs to do it on his own.
So, here is my question.
Has anybody been through a similar situation and have any advice?
Could he be a homophobe or just intimidated by gay people? Even he told me that is "ex" (the bad boy) told him that he's a homophobe.
Maybe he's afraid of what he truly wants.... a truly decent gay man. So he avoids it by making excuses and avoiding gays altogether.
I'm at a loss here. In any case, so far I have told him that he needs to re-think and reassess the type of person he wants and then make the appropriate changes in his life and habits to meet more of the "right" type of people.
Any help from anyone is appreciated........I thank you for reading this lengthy post. I can provide more details in whatever parts you feel would be helpful, just ask.
For a while we lived together, and then he left here and moved to Fort Lauderdale, about 3 1/2 hours from here. After this, we lost touch with each other.
I had always thought about him and never forgot about him. He was always there in the back of my mind and for years I it made me crazy to find out where he was and get in touch with him. I just didn't know how to do it. I did internet searches, phone directories, everything I did came up dry.
Well, a couple of months ago I tried something on classmates.com. At this point in time almost 17 years has lapsed!! I searched for him by his last name, which is an unusual one. Well, his sister came up as registered on classmates.com and she was still living in North Carolina (different city though) so I sent her an e-mail message, and she replied with John's cell phone number. He was still in Fort Lauderdale.
So, I called him. When he answered I was in shock. I said "Hello?" and he said the same then "Who's this?" and I told him my name. He was dead silent for about 10 seconds and then he just freaked out (in a good way). Then the conversations began, we were back in touch again finally.
Now, we have regular conversations and talk all of the time. We are also planning on visiting each other soon just so we can see and hug each other, catch up on the times, etc.
Our lives have taken completely different paths. As for me, I have a home, a partner that I have been with for 7 years, his mother who lives with us and his dog (all from Brazil), a career and my life is very stable and happy. I'm completely satisfied with my life.
His life, on the other hand, is in complete turmoil. He has a tendency to fall for the "bad boy" type of guy.....tattoos, long hair, supposedly straight, or bisexual and he has never been able to have a stable relationship because of this. He proceeds to tell me that he wants what I have, a relationship, family, home, etc. So I question his methods of meeting people and tell him that he needs to change and think long term about what he really wants in life.
He is living in a new place just in the last few weeks, the last "bad boy" he was with, a "straight" guy who has 4 kids. Beat him up pretty badly around Christmas last year. He got away from this guy but he's completely obsessed with him. All he can talk about is how he loves this guy and he's so hot, etc. etc. I told him he needs to get a grip and stay away from people like this because of the "if they hit you once, they will hit you again" mantra.
Anyway, I think you get the point of where the current situation stands. So now I am trying to talk common sense to him and help him get on the right track, but it's not easy. He really seems to be attracted to this "bad boy" type of guy that I don't feel will do him any good at all. He has trouble finding anyone else because he says he doesn't like "gay people". He hangs around straight girls and lesbians. I told him "How the hell are you going to meet anyone unless you find some gay friends?" So, I'm trying to encourage him to make changes in his own life if he wants thing to be different, because nobody can do that for him. He needs to do it on his own.
So, here is my question.
Has anybody been through a similar situation and have any advice?
Could he be a homophobe or just intimidated by gay people? Even he told me that is "ex" (the bad boy) told him that he's a homophobe.
Maybe he's afraid of what he truly wants.... a truly decent gay man. So he avoids it by making excuses and avoiding gays altogether.
I'm at a loss here. In any case, so far I have told him that he needs to re-think and reassess the type of person he wants and then make the appropriate changes in his life and habits to meet more of the "right" type of people.
Any help from anyone is appreciated........I thank you for reading this lengthy post. I can provide more details in whatever parts you feel would be helpful, just ask.
.. now I see it was a typo .. anyway ..
