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Gay in a straight world!

J

jayboy

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Hello
I have always known I'm gay but with straight friends and family I have never bern able to tell anyone.
Recently my brother asked me if I was gay as I have never had a girlfriend or obviously not shown an interest in girls. I brushed it off and denied it, but I think he knows I'm lying anyway.
What should I do? Ask him about what we talked about? Give subtle hints?
 
What kind of relationship do you have with your brother? What do you think his motivation was in asking?
 
A very strong one. Usually talk about most things. I guess he just wonders why I havent had a relationship or anything. I dont think theres more to it.
 
I thought it was a bit out of the blue though as I am wondering why he hasn't asked before then. Maybe he thought with our guards down after a few drinks we could be more honest. I am not saying he might be gay as he has a long term girlfriend and child.
 
How old are you? It sounds like he wants you to open up to him. You can take your time and come out to him when you want. If you feel like he will help and support you, it could be nice.
 
at least he asked. my family is so WASPy that they can barely say the word 'gay'. Not because they're bigots but because it's impolite. dying was considered rude so my grandparents didn't have funerals.

be happy with communication.
 
jayboy said:
...Recently my brother asked me if I was gay... I brushed it off and denied it, but I think he knows I'm lying anyway.
What should I do? Ask him about what we talked about? Give subtle hints?
KaraBulut said:
What kind of relationship do you have with your brother? What do you think his motivation was in asking?
jayboy said:
A very strong one. Usually talk about most things. I guess he just wonders why I havent had a relationship or anything. I dont think theres more to it.
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Well, the question you have to ask yourself (and perhaps, ask him) is whether coming out to your brother would change the relationship. And whether, if the tables were turned, would you want him to be honest with you?

No matter how close you are with your brother, by withholding this important part of your life, you're putting up a barrier between the two of you by concealing and denying. It's something you're eventually going to have to be honest with people about... the question is when?
 
Secrets are debilitating and are barriers to close relationships. You seem to be saying that you're stifling sexual expression due to the people you're around. That's unhealthy. You're entitled to take your place as a fully developed and free human being and you need support in that endeavor. Straight people don't have a lock on normal. Your brother may may in the majority but you are as normal as he is. All the best to you.
 
I have actually wrote a letter for my brother explaining how I feel. Still to give it to him though.
As for my friends, I have always denied who I am in order to keep up appearances within the group but I don't know if I can carry on doing this for much longer.
 
You'll create problems with lying to friends and family. I told my sister first because I knew she has a huge mouth and would tell everyone before I could. Sure enough she did. But a letter is great. Ask your bro to keep it for 10 years then give it back. You'll be amazed and it will provide insight into your thinking process. Real self-actualization.
 
I have just come out to my friends on Facebook.
I wasn't planning on it, it just sort of happened as we were chatting about things.
Over the past few weeks, I have been leaving random comments and subtle hints to see if any of my friends would guess I'm gay.
After a lengthy conversation I finally admitted it to them and it turns out they are completely fine with me being gay.
I always worried about being rejected, but I shouldn't have done as they have been so accepting.
The next step is to tell my family as only my brother knows.
 
Complete props for your bravery. Your family will be just as accepting and then you'll worry about love and relationships instead. Concerning Facebook....

"I do hate Facebook, though I have a Facebook account. I’m sure Facebook can be used for good things, and they do philanthropy and that’s worthy of respect — but I think when a corporation decides to have a focus where you make money off human relationships, that’s incredibly dangerous. It crosses the line. People think Google is evil, but I’m a fan of them because that’s great for me if I’m searching and they want to advertise about what I’m looking for — that makes sense to me. But Facebook has a business model of “you are learning about me and taking me and my relationships apart to monetize that.” It’s a trojan horse for something sinister.

Facebook has said we want your emotional and social attachments in one place and we will control it for you. They are openly asking you to give that power to them and it seems like a dangerous combination. I’m not saying it’s a conscious thing that Facebook is doing, but it’s a slippery slope. It’s a power that I don’t want to give somebody like that. Also, I hate that they call it fucking social media. It’s how we relate to people."
 
Coming out is difficult depending on family's own feelings. I was 30 when I came out to my now ex wife. I had met a guy I worked with and was in love with him. I told her and although she was upset she felt bad for me. What was difficult is that we had a very very good sex life and two sons at the time one was 2 1/2 the other 6 1/2. Today I have been with my partner 38 years and my sons now grown send us both fathers day cards. My wife and I are very good friends it was not easy. My mom only said to me you have to make sure you pay child support and do not forget your kids. I did big time both went through college and are doing great. I have 2 bothers and once sister only the older brother is straight although my sister never came out to my mother she knew. I know it is rough if you wre in a family that for whatever reason are very homophobic. I always felt and have been right that if people love you they will still love you coming out is a never ending project. I worked at a bank and came out when I was 31 when I retired early from my job I was a Senior VP and the bank I worked in one of the largest now has the best anti discrimination on earth. I was the first official to come out 6 months after I told my co workers. Good luck
 
Generally if they ask, they are sincere about wanting to know. Like kara asked, what is his intention? Even if it is a bit malicious, just go with it if there is no danger of being outed at work or in one's public life where things could be dangerous.
 
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