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Gay in the Workplace

Where do you stand on gay in the workplace?

  • Out & proud manager

    Votes: 12 23.5%

  • Out & proud worker bee

    Votes: 22 43.1%

  • In the closet manager

    Votes: 6 11.8%

  • In the closet worker bee

    Votes: 13 25.5%

  • Goood Idea

    Votes: 13 25.5%

  • Baaaad Idea

    Votes: 9 17.6%
  • Total voters
    51
J

JeanLuc80

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I'm a manager in retail. The cool retailer :) I can't decide whether to be out or in. Employees always want to know more about their boss--especially when I don't bring up my personal life.

I hate lying because I feel like I'm disrespecting my boyfriend of 5 years. It gets very tricky when the really inquisitive employees ask to see pictures of my girlfriend. Friends say to remain private unless I want to be only known as the gay manager.

In college, I was out to everyone in the restaurants where I waited tables. Then again, who isn't? I guess now because I'm the boss and its career I have hesitations.

Take the poll.....pick 1 of the status options and 1 of the pro/con options!! Then share your thoughts!!

Love to hear everyone's input on this :)
 
I first came out when I was 21 and working in a trendy boutique in the mall. It was one my best moves up to that point. I became downright popular after that, with employees and customers. It opened up a whole new world to me. I was an outwardly (though not explicity) gay manager in another line of work, later on, and the interpersonal dynamic was interesting and "fruitful." The straight boys who worked for me admired my ability to live life and pursue a career on my own terms. Being out at work was a good thing for me.
 
I don't think one can compare the retail industry to many other industries. Retail has long been filled with gays. When I worked in retail during my college years, it seemed a great number of people who worked in the store (major national department store) were gay and it was no secret and nobody seemed to care. I would also see them in many of the bars and clubs, from clerks to display directors and department managers. Even now, when I go to the mall stores, there are tons of gays working in retail.

Try working in a stodgy, conservative corporate environment. Yes, there are gays, and we are generally accepted, but, on the job, people tend to keep it to themselves, especially in corporate management.
 
You can be out at work without wearing a tattooed rainbow on your forehead. One of my coworkers is gay and he is very open about it, to the point where it's pushed in front of people's faces. With me, when someone at work asks about my girlfriend, I usually say something like "he hates when I call him that." Subtle humour works well, they either ask more about him or laugh and talk about something else.
Piggy said:
Not a good idea for me. I work with young kids.
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I don't see what that has to do with being out among your coworkers.
 
I'm a VERY low level management in an IT startup and I'm out and proud.

It has hurt my career to date because IT is a very fickle career path and the smallest thing will hurt you.

In my case, my direct manager is uncomfortable with me, so I don't expect to get any promotions or raises anytime soon.

I've also worked in hospitality and in retail and I can say that those two industries are heavily salted with gays (closeted and out). IT also has a lot of gays, but a large majority are closeted. (Just like it is in real life).

Being out at work is good idea if you're in an influential or highly needed position. It's only bad or neutral if your not.

I would guess that it's the same in everything from hairdressers to soldiers.
 
Piggy said:
Most of the coworkers I work with are women and they love to gossip.

It'll spread like wildfire to the parents. Some are looking for an excuse to cause trouble. They'll demand I not work with their children or be supervised at all times.

Some things shouldn't be brought up at work.
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Well, whatever you're comfortable with. It's a shame that in this day and age people still think homosexuals can brainwash their young, or feel they are unsafe among us.
 
Orlandude said:
I don't think one can compare the retail industry to many other industries.
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..|

I tried working at a small IT company with four guys, no women. Gave up after two weeks because they were totally straight with all that comes with it. Drinking beer after work (still right at the work place), talking shit about gays and ex-wives, sheets of papers on the walls with misogynist jokes printed out from e-mails and websites... they guy who worked there before me is gay and didn't come out on the last day himself. Says a lot about this company :mad:
 
You're not their friend, you're their manager. Your personal life is none of their business and they're rude for asking.
 
Personally, I am of the view that my private life is private and no one at work need know about it. I feel that if I talk about it, it's a licence for others to talk about it and that doesn't sit well with me.
 
I'm always for being out at work... because if we don't change the environments in which we live and work, who will? And all it takes is answering direct questions simply and honestly, and saying what you think instead of guarding every word. I mean, if the straights don't have to, why should you?

As far as being a manager rather than a worker-bee, I don't see the difference. Yes, if I asked my manager to show me pictures of her girlfriend, I would expect to be rebuffed, because that's crossing a professional boundary (I also would have made an ass out of myself because, though my boss looks like a lesbian and talks like a lesbian, she's actually straight); but if my boss was suspiciously reticent about herself in general conversation, I would think she didn't trust me and would resent her.

As a manager, you have to maintain a certain amount of professional distance in order to be able to exercise authority; but you also need to maintain a certain amount of friendliness in order to make them like you at least enough to do what you tell them without too much grumbling.

It's a hard act to balance. That's why they pay you more than the worker-bees.
 
I've always worked places where the employees are social. I don't necessarily mean they know everything about everyone, but we chit-chat about our lives-away-from-work. And I think if your work environment is one where one can say "My wife and I saw a movie last night", it's one where you should be able to say "My boyfriend and I saw a movie last night." They're both on the same level of disclosure.

And a thing to keep in mind is that being gay is a horrible secret only if you keep it a secret. Nobody says "OMG - did you know Lex walks to work?!" because everybody KNOWS Lex walks to work. :) And nobody says "OMG - did you know Lex is gay?" because it's known that I'm gay, and thus ceases to be a topic of conjecture and conversation.

...oh, and kudos on your swashbuckling, MarleyMarl. ..|

Lex
 
I got laid off a few months ago, and i now work in food services as a manager, and I've been out and there are no issues
 
Out and proud worker bee here also. I don't flaunt it but if people ask the questions they get the answers. So far, no one really has an issue with it, or makes it obvious that they do anyways. It's nice.
 
There is one guy whom I worked with, who is in his late 50s, is openly gay. Technically he isn't my coworker but, occasionally I need to talk this guy to have my business done. He has salt and pepper hair and very cute in every way. As much as I'm attracted to this guy, I restrain myself from taking any move to avoid any awkwardness in our occasional meeting.
 
I fail to see whether I'm gay or not makes a difference in whether or not I can get the job done.....
 
rotary said:
You can be out at work without wearing a tattooed rainbow on your forehead. One of my coworkers is gay and he is very open about it, to the point where it's pushed in front of people's faces. With me, when someone at work asks about my girlfriend, I usually say something like "he hates when I call him that." Subtle humour works well, they either ask more about him or laugh and talk about something else.
I don't see what that has to do with being out among your coworkers.
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Perfect way to answer!! I'm an out HR manager. Doesn't seem to be a big deal to anyone.
 
IDK, I wouldn't say I'm in the closet at work, it just isnt a topic we talk about. I certainly don't attempt to hide it in anyway.

I am sure a few people know as i can't seem to control myself checking out one of the Loss Prevention guys.
 
Well at my job it's don't ask don't tell even though it's not the military or other government branch. !oops!
 
Swellegant said:
I'm always for being out at work... because if we don't change the environments in which we live and work, who will? And all it takes is answering direct questions simply and honestly, and saying what you think instead of guarding every word. I mean, if the straights don't have to, why should you?
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Very well said. This has stuck out in my mind and really got me thinking.
 
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