Gay love triangle

[Devereaux]

First time poster, been wanting to post in various forums on the site for a while but even with anonymity I'm still a little shy.

So anyways, I'm 27, single for almost 4 years, and in that time I kinda withdrew from the gay scene and pretty much anything social.

About a month ago, a guy came to work in our office. I didn't really pay any attention to him at first, til we were both in the break room chatting and he asked me if I was gay. I said yes, and he told me that he was gay also (I was a little surprised, I have really shit gaydar).

After about a week of getting to know each other, he told me he has a boyfriend. I swear it felt like my chest had been hollowed. I'd finally met someone who made me feel like I existed, like I wasn't the odd one out. I'm drawn to his energy, his spirit, he fills me with confidence like I have never known. He's told me he feels like he has known me for years, and I feel the same way. I know that in one way or another, I want him in my life. I'm just not sure what part he wants me to play in his.

I am a hopeless romantic, I fall hard and I fall fast, but it just feels so right when I am with him. After work the other night we all went out, me, him and his boyfriend. At the end of the night, his boyfriend got the last train home while me and my new workmate stayed and had a couple more drinks. We got a taxi home, but in the taxi he convinced me to come back to his. I'm pretty much putty in his hands so of course I said yes. In the back of the taxi he put his arm around me and held my hand while i sank into him. It was perfect.

Back at his place, we got into bed, in boxers, and we just cuddled. Nothing happened. Even though I really wanted to I couldn't have as he has a boyfriend. I've been shit on before I know I wouldn't want to do that to anyone else. I didn't sleep at all that night, I was smiling ear to ear, especially with his big arms around me. The heat from his body was intense. If the world had ended in those moments I would have died a very happy man. It was like having a boyfriend for a night.

The morning after, we were both talking about our current living situations, and about how we both want a change. He suggested we move in together. It kinda came from nowhere, and later on at work I asked if he was serious, and why he didn't want to move in with his boyfriend. He has a few issues with his boyfriend, mostly trust issues that I can tell. We even looked at places on his iphone, talked about costs and when we could move in.

This last month has been a bit of a rollercoaster emotionally, I can't stop thinking about him. I really want to move in with him, but on those nights his boyfriend comes to stay I don't know how I will cope. But I don't want to miss the chance. In the month I have known him my life has changed for the better, and I know it is his influence. Even with the boyfriend I want him to be a major part of my life.

So I was just wondering if any one has any idea of what I should do, if anyone has had the misfortune of being in a similar situation. And sorry for the wall of text also sorry if that's not what a love triangle is, I just see 3 gays at 3 points in my head.

 

[KaraBulut]

Back at his place, we got into bed, in boxers, and we just cuddled. Nothing happened. Even though I really wanted to I couldn't have as he has a boyfriend. I've been shit on before I know I wouldn't want to do that to anyone else. I didn't sleep at all that night, I was smiling ear to ear, especially with his big arms around me. The heat from his body was intense. If the world had ended in those moments I would have died a very happy man. It was like having a boyfriend for a night.

Right idea, wrong person.

Most guys who have been around long enough will tell you that while there are exceptions, there are a few rules of dating that, if followed, will keep your life much simpler and free of fucked up crazy situations:

1. Don't date people you work with. If you find your soulmate at work, one of you needs to think about either changing jobs or moving to a department where you will not have to work together.
2. Don't date people who have boyfriends/wives/it's complicated situations. The fact that he sent his boyfriend home and tried to have sex with you is not a good sign. If he were serious about a relationship, he wouldn't have a boyfriend.
3. Don't be roommates with guys you have crushes on. There's nothing worse than lusting after someone day after day that you live with.

And what could possibly be worse choice than living with/working with/fucking with someone who has a boyfriend?

A rule to live by: never settle for less than you deserve. You deserve someone who can make a commitment and who isn't going to make your life a complicated, drama-filled mess.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Being a roommate with a taken man who clearly has an acceleration agenda is a very bad idea. He's leading you deeper and deeper into this. Although you're ready to give in and cheat, I think he's still trying to justify all of this in his head. When you finally consummate the sexual tension, it's going to end very badly.

The easiest solution to this matter is not to move in with him, and distance yourself until he finally breaks up with his boyfriend. Seriously, if he wants you that bad and is so unhappy with his boyfriend, he should just break up and become single.

And don't shit where you eat.

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome. I'm glad you posted.

To me, you post cries out how badly you need gay friends and too bad for the crush because it seems like he'd be a good friend for you. Now, how about taking some time to breathe and think? I'd bet you'd tell a friend not to mix romance and work and living together. What if it goes to shit? Where would you live? Where would you work? You'd end up losing everything.

I'll say there are trust issues in regards to his relationship! I think you're playing with fire. How about keeping him as a friend for now and use his energy to get out of your social shell? It sounds like you're looking for monogamy and he's looking for what's next.

 

[ThreeCrows]

love triangle

Devereaux, hello and welcome to JUB.
I can only echo the remarks made by Kara, Just, and Seasoned and they explained it better than I could have done. You asked "if anyone has had the misfortune of being in a similar situation" - well, I have been in your situation and it was horrible. I urge you to avoid living with the guy.
Good luck and best wishes.

 

[swerve]

He has TRUST issues with HIS boyfriend...

Yet he fell asleep with his arms around you???

YIGHTZ!!!

That is such a BIZARRE array of emotions...

NO WONDER you're so confused...

WELCOME TO JUB!!!

 

[yhtang]

Please consider what the previous posters has said. They all have made good points.

It would be sad if you fall so madly in love with this person and subsequently so many things go so very wrong.

I wish the best for you - and do remember, the first cut is the deepest but you will survive.

 

[boredass123]

ok in case the previous posters' replies weren't harsh enough to knock you out of it, let me tell you this:

You're gonna end up devastated in the end. Now you can do whatever you want, you can go kiss him, fuck him, move in with him, ignore his boyfriend and all that. But trust me, after it's all done, you will be cheated on, he will move on to the next guy and you will be left devastated and even more lonely than you are now. Trust me, come back here in a few months, and I can guarantee that everything I said here will have become true by then.

I'm not gonna even bother explaining to you why it's gonna turn out like that. If you can't figure out how to avoid drama and douchebags like him, I think you deserve to learn your lesson the hard way.

See you in a few months. Btw use condoms when you fuck him. Serious advice.

 

[Devereaux]

Thanks for the replies guys.

Reading through makes me realise how naive I am, I honestly didn't expect those kind of replies. But it's refreshing, and it makes a lot more sense than pretending it's going to end like a fairy tale.

I definitely want him in my life. the few nights we have been out, I have talked to people without going bright red, I have done karaoke in a packed bar, even got off with another guy. These are things normal people do all the time I know, but it does feel like without him I wouldn't have the confidence to do them. I just have to figure out a way to get over the crush. I've gotten over them before, fingers crossed I can do it again.

Anyway thanks again for the replies, definitely got some thinking to do...

 

[KaraBulut]

Reading through makes me realise how naive I am, I honestly didn't expect those kind of replies. But it's refreshing, and it makes a lot more sense than pretending it's going to end like a fairy tale.

There's some brutal honesty in this thread.

But we have your best interest in mind. Either we have personally been through this or we have seen our friends go through it. And this is the kind of stuff that makes guys fearful of relationships and getting hurt again.

Never settle. Never. If a guy wants you in his life and has an "it's complicated" situation, you should always say to yourself, "I deserve better".

And you should always say to the other person, "If you want to be with me, you have to clean this shit up so that I don't have to share you with all this other drama".