Gay magnet? or just right time and place?

[fetaby]

I'm from a relatively small town. Population under 60 thousand. The nature of my work puts me in contact with a lot of people.

Tonight, one of my employees came out to me.
He's young and probably doesn't know to many gay people.
He initiated this coming out by text. It was very sly and covert.
Asked what I was up to, I replied nunya.
Asked when we were going to get together, I replied do you know who you're talking to?
Pretended he didn't know, replied with my name and explained that "kickin it" would be completely unprofessional.
Apologized and said he thought it was his girl he was texting, replied that doesn't explain why you called me "mane" in every text.
Admitted he was trying to reach a guy, replied if you need someone to talk to you got it.
Thanked me and said he would if he needs me, replied see you at work.

A couple months ago, a customer managed to get me on the phone. We arranged a date. It was all very flattering until I learned that dating him would be illegal, he was a minor. Since, I've positioned myself into a "big brother" role. This kid is really great, good grades, going to college, he has his whole life ahead of him. I wish him nothing but the best and am glad if I can teach him anything.

I don't know what it is, but something about me is attracting the fairys out of the woodworks lately. But I am only one man. I can't foster these chiluns into adulthood by myself. I gotz responsibilitiez. Would anyone here care to sponsor a newly out youngun? Or offer advice in how I might manage this myself.

I think it's important for gay people to stick together, even if we don't all see eye to eye. The way this world works, safety in numbers and what not. Would I be wrong in sending them here to JUB? I know of the 18 and under rule, so the guy that came out to me tonight would be kosher.

I appreciate any posts this thread may recieve, and look forward to seeing the result.

 

[fetaby]

And I get crickets,

this is my one and only bump on this thread. Promise.

(even spammed a couple people, sorry)

 

[hungrybrownbear]

good for you, at least you have the responsibilty and self control to stay away from minors. Unlike my boyfriend with me...

 

[mydrew1]

I'm from a relatively small town. Population under 60 thousand. The nature of my work puts me in contact with a lot of people.

Tonight, one of my employees came out to me.
He's young and probably doesn't know to many gay people.
He initiated this coming out by text. It was very sly and covert.
Asked what I was up to, I replied nunya.
Asked when we were going to get together, I replied do you know who you're talking to?
Pretended he didn't know, replied with my name and explained that "kickin it" would be completely unprofessional.
Apologized and said he thought it was his girl he was texting, replied that doesn't explain why you called me "mane" in every text.
Admitted he was trying to reach a guy, replied if you need someone to talk to you got it.
Thanked me and said he would if he needs me, replied see you at work.

A couple months ago, a customer managed to get me on the phone. We arranged a date. It was all very flattering until I learned that dating him would be illegal, he was a minor. Since, I've positioned myself into a "big brother" role. This kid is really great, good grades, going to college, he has his whole life ahead of him. I wish him nothing but the best and am glad if I can teach him anything.

I don't know what it is, but something about me is attracting the fairys out of the woodworks lately. But I am only one man. I can't foster these chiluns into adulthood by myself. I gotz responsibilitiez. Would anyone here care to sponsor a newly out youngun? Or offer advice in how I might manage this myself.

I think it's important for gay people to stick together, even if we don't all see eye to eye. The way this world works, safety in numbers and what not. Would I be wrong in sending them here to JUB? I know of the 18 and under rule, so the guy that came out to me tonight would be kosher.

I appreciate any posts this thread may recieve, and look forward to seeing the result.

1; what's your job exactly?

2; Send them my way

 

[fetaby]

It happens to me all the time too fetaby. Seems I've got that friendly, unthreatening face that makes people reach out to me for help and support. I'm happy to do it too but when you have a whole litter of little gays hanging off your arm it can be exhausting. I wouldn't have it any other way though. I remember how lonely and frightened I was coming out and going through it all alone. It's nice to know that I can listen and offer advice occassionally.

Thanks ravenstar, your thoughts mirror my own to a degree. Whenever this happens, the first thought that comes to mind is naughty.

But the second thought is how when I was 17, 18,19 how different my life could be if I had a positive gay role model. I'm not trying to save the world here, but I am compassionate to a fault.

 

[fetaby]

good for you, at least you have the responsibilty and self control to stay away from minors. Unlike my boyfriend with me...

Well, if your happy with your man it's a good thing that he pursued you.
For me, when these minors approach, there is always this fear in the back of my mind that their mom is going to come running in from out of nowhere with police in tow to haul away the pervey peodophile. It's quite easy to want to stay on the outside of jail.

 

[fetaby]

1; what's your job exactly?

2; Send them my way

1. I manage a restaurant. We employ about 45 people, and are looking to up that number to 60 by the end of the year. My store sits directly across the street from the local university and most of my customers are college kids.

2. I really should. But it doesn't kill me to open my ear and let them talk for a little while. And after all that's what most people want in this world, to have somebody hear them.

 

[gdude30]

Sorry for taking so long.

There is actually a gay/lesbian/bi forum for underaged kids.

It's called www.emptyclosets.com

As for feeling pressured about not wanting to turn down youths who seek you for advice and wisdom.

Hmm that's a toughie. I'm part of a Master/Slave Group and even before I became Sir's slave in training I was allowed to talk to others and seek out insight and advice.

I did find a few people to talk to. But ultimately the ones I felt the most comfortable talking with were Sir and Brother. I'm sure Brother was probably burdened at first that out of nowhere a new slave came into the picture and that he was supposed to help out the new slave. Even though he did the exact opposite.

I guess what I am trying to say is even though many people can help someone and give them advice or be a mentor to them. There might be one specific person who can help them the most or relate to to them and understand them.

You need to look at each of the individuals and see if you can understand them or relate to them or see if maybe there is one in particular that can benefit from your knowledge and wisdom the most. Or maybe none of them you can really mentor and all you can do is just give them advice and help them a little. That's fine too.

I hope this helped. I've actually been in a class about mentorship and the complications involved and where to draw the line. It was an interesting class.

You are definately doing the right thing though. You should also talk to some people you know (outside of the forum) and see if they wouldn't mind mentoring. Hell I'm sure there are mentoring programs. There are for boys or subs interested in leather anyways. That's actually just starting up in Atlanta.

 

[GL]

it may well be that they see a kindred spirit in you. and one cannot discount the appeal of a handsome man! but it is great that you are able to help them in your own way. coming out can be easy for some and difficult for others. i don't think there is anything wrong with directing them here to the boards. i know finding this place helped me to find myself. and as gdude mentioned earlier, if they are under aged then there is emptyclosets.

 

[fetaby]

Thanks Gdude and GL.

I thought this thread was dead in the water, turns out the guy that came out to me through text, was really only looking for a hookup. And this is one thing I can't just see eye to eye on. While I'm not above anyone, I know that random hookups are not for me. I'm sad because I can see the potential this kid has. But I know I can't help anyone who isn't willing to help themself.

The other one, he's cool. Already out and proud at 17, we have more in common anyway so I think my energy is best spent on him. Since I won't be having to soothe a closeted soul, I'm free to give him more general advice on how the world works. But at the same time, he ends up teaching me just as much.
When asked about how he deals with homophobes.

"Please, it's 2009. They need to wake up and realize. They need to get up overthemselves, it ain't about them anyways."

Like I said, this kid is pretty freaking cool. And if I do a well enough job, he may just turn into one of my best friends. Wish me luck.

 

[sheep]

I know what you mean. Younger people often gravitate towards me. I don't really have a problem with this as I tend to be able to communicate with them pretty easily. I dread the day that this will no longer be the case.
I have sent quite a few to empty closets but allowed them to contact me on IM. I wish I had a mentor when I was coming out. There are just so many questions and no one to discuss issues. I even had a kid PM me here. I suspected he might be underage and when he revealed his age I told him I would chat with him on an instant messenger provided that he deleted all of his PM's to me and closed his JUB account otherwise I would be obliged to have him removed by a mod. So he cancelled his account. We did exchange IM's, I sent him to empty closets, he thanked me an now I don't hear from him which is fine. My work is completed. He needed someone to talk to. I'm a good listener. Never give up trying to help people. Just keep things above board especially if the person is a minor.

 

[fetaby]

Well, if your happy with your man it's a good thing that he pursued you.
For me, when these minors approach, there is always this fear in the back of my mind that their mom is going to come running in from out of nowhere with police in tow to haul away the pervey peodophile. It's quite easy to want to stay on the outside of jail.

Thanks Sheep, believe me when I say my own safety is my number one concern. While I can appreciate the beauty of someone the age of 17, it seems stupid to me that some people can't wait that year to pounce. I know of two men in particular who have gotten into severe trouble for pursuing relations with underage kids. One a distant acquintance, he propositioned a teen that lives near his home, the teen consented and the parents found out, pressed charges. Case Closed, not surprising as this man is crazy, he spent time in the pokey for stabbing somebody with a butter knife 47 times.

The other situation is quite different. The baseball coach from my H.S. While in school, it was a big joke that he sexed on a few of the team. Seems that every student in the school was privy to that information, but it was on the same level of him having his desk in the back of the classroom and one of his rules being all students face the front of the class at all times. I thought at the time the rule was in place to keep everybody from seeing him pick his nose, which he was quit fond to do. (tell us not to do something, and see how long it takes before we break the "rule") Realizing now, there's no telling what all that man was getting up to staring at the backs of his students heads. It was all fun and games while I was in school, and the scandal didn't break until well after I had graduated and moved on, in that single respect I'm glad. As a closeted teen, it was always my fear that one of the rednecks would kill me for being gay and it wasn't exactly that hard to see that I was different. No telling what would have happened to me if the tide had turned while I was there. But it didn't so this isn't really about me, the man who blew the scandal wide open was a kid two years younger than me. He was a baseball player and easily the hottest ticket going back then. His parents greek background provided his complexion and clear skin, but it was Coach that provided the steroids he needed to get the body of an adonis. While this guy was featured in many of my jo fantasizes of youth, I knew something was off about him, even with my naievety. We were in an art class together, how boned up was I that semester when he decided to sit next to me. Hindsight, it was widely known that I had some talent in the subject. Anyway, one of our assignments involved painting, it was then I understood something of this guys nature. I can't paint to save my life, my hand just doesn't know how to act with a brush in it. My solution, fingerpaint. but this kid. Not only could he use a brush, but it seemed he had some form of ocd when it came to this assignment. He obsessed over covering the entire piece of paper with one color, he made at least 8 coats. When I asked him about why he was doing it, thinking of the time constraints in class and worrying he wouldn't get it finished in time, he told me he needed it to be perfect. It was then that I connected that the same mentallity that drove him to cover that page till it was perfect, was probably also the same reasoning he used to develop his body to the state it was in at such a young age. Years pass and I hear nothing of the coach or the kid, it appears the kid grows up and goes on his way, meets a girl in college, plans to marry her. All is good and dandy until the kid, now a young man suffers a complete breakdown and has to be hospitalized. The flood gates open, he admits to his family that he is gay. And he tells them of his times with coach. His brother immediately goes to the school, where coach is still teaching. And proceeds to give coach the beatdown of the century in front of god, country, and man. It all really is quite the scandal, it's the stuff made for tv movies are bred out of.

For me, I when I see a teenager and he is attractive, I feel good for him. Life is easier if your easy on the eyes. If I'm feeling horny and the guy is attractive, I think how good his sex life is gonna be when he grows up, I don't see myself being the one he gets it on with. I really loathe the gay men who perpetuate the myth that all gay men are pedophiles. And there has to be some sickness there that would let a grown man take advantage of the young and innocent. What could cause a person to lose all reason and in turn ruin the lives of so many? I think I may know, but life and history will undoubtedly prove me wrong.

Thoughts?

 

[gdude30]

Wow great post. Had to read it closely but I think I understand it now.

I do have to comment about one part though. When you said "or me, I when I see a teenager and he is attractive, I feel good for him. Life is easier if your easy on the eyes."

I very much disagree with that statement. I think life is harder and full of more challenges if you make lots of money or look very attractive. The most obvious reason is because people have something to take from you. Your looks and use you or your money. But if you are average looking and not super hot or make decent income than if someone takes an interest in you the reason isn't generally for the money or looks. It's more for the person.

I think a theory about "a sickness" causing older men to take advantage of younger guys is bullshit. It's generally the opposite. A younger guy seducing and older guy.

I'm not saying that a pretty person or succesful person has to go "Oh I hate my life I'm so pretty and it sucks and I have so much money. Oh woah is me." It also takes more work to have and maintain a successful life. It also takes strength and self confidence to be a pretty person and not let people use you or take advantage of you.

Even though I really like older guys I know that there are so many older guys out there that would like me just for the fact that I am asian and younger. But the second I turned older they'd dump me in a heartbeat. And I've even talked to guys before and they admitted that from the start.

I think I'm sort of fortunate right now because I don't have a lot to give or a lot for someone to take. I don't make a lot of money, I'm not really talented yet, and I'm still learning. In other words it makes more sense for my Sir to have a slave who already has a high paying job, is a secure and confident adult, and who can better serve them. But my Sir really likes me and keeps me for my benefit. To help me grow and to help me reach my potential. Sex is just a bonus. That being said I do believe that most relationships do need sex. I'm fucking horny all the time. That doesn't mean someone needs to have sex all the time to be satisfied. Although it would help. But just once in a while.

As for what causes people to become the judgmental type who view ONE person who does something stupid as someone who represents everyone..

I think the biggest cause is fear and lack of knowledge and not knowing anyone else to disprove the stereotype or fear.

I think the news is very much to blame. It used to be that stories and articles were actually researched. But now the minute anything happens it's reported. Regardless if the story is stretched a little or if they give inacurate information.

Than people ONLY see and think what is shown on the news. In other words a world full of crime, murder, perverts, creeps, corruption, and destruction.

And that is the world some people choose to live in.

I'm glad that the other one is working out for you as well. Don't always judge a young person who wants to hook up though. Hooking up actually did help me alot. Good and bad hook ups. If I never went through the "hook up" phase I would have never known what I wanted and what I diddn't want. And now that I know how meaningful a relationship is. Hook ups don't sound that great anymore.

Even though that text guy isn't someone who can relate to you though. There might be someone better suited to help him. But he'd probably have to approach them first.

And as for stabbing someone with a butter knife.

Those things aren't sharp at all. Guy must have had some force T_T"

 

[fetaby]

Thanks for the view Gdude.

I wouldn't want to argue with you about your views on people that are more attractive and the problems they encounter. But I speak from experience when I say, that less attractive people do have a harder time of things. I've seen people descriminated against based on looks/ weight. I've heard what the pretty people say about them when they leave, and sometimes they don't even wait for them to leave. I guess then, everbody has their own row to hoe. I can't say one row is tougher than another really, as I've only been on mine.

The only other point of contention I wanted to discuss with you is when I referenced pedophilia as a sickness. Perhaps I should expound my view. What I meant was, that there has to be some kind of disconnect in a person's mind that would allow them to exhibit that behaviour. It may be the case that it is the younger person who initiates the relationship, that very thing happened to me. But the difference is I'm not insane, I don't get any kicks from breaking the law. I agree that each situation is different, but I believe as the responsible adult, a person should be able to reign in their impulses and use a bit of better judgement. I'm all for a person going for whatever they want. But at the same time, they should also follow the law. If the guy chasing you is 17 and you do feel an attraction there, by all means build the relationship, but keep it in your pants till the birthday.

Both of the guys I talk about in the OP wanted to "hook up." I can't say enough that I'm in no position to judge them for that. Jebbus knows when I was younger I did my fair share of it too. So that just leaves the person. One is a good kid. The other not so much, he's got problems. Been arrested a few times, drugs, etc. But I have had the opportunity to get to know him a bit in my work environment. He has extremely poor work ethics, he's lazy. That's something I can't change about him, it's something he'll have to do for himself. And yes I have talked to him about it, I didn't outright call him lazy of course. I told him that he has the potential to be a highly valued employee. Since I've told him that, I see the difference in his work, but the other people on the management team still notice his inefficient behaviour. This tells me that when I'm not there, he goes right back to how he was. Will he change? Will he ever get out of trouble? Only time will tell. But I haven't closed myself off so much that I won't be there for him if he needs me.

I'll end this post by saying, I'm no expert on anything. As anybody reading this thread can clearly see. I'm just expressing my opinions based on the things I've been exposed to. And thanks Gdude.

All my typos let me know it's time to log off.

 

[SonOfSlobone]

Yeah, small towns are interesting. In a big city, or even a large university campus, these kids would be so jaded already. They'd be the twinks with attitude in the clubs.

I think it's great when older gay guys mentor the young ones. That used to be very common in gay life, but I don't hear much about it any more. Maybe because people are completely freaked out by even the suggestion they're dallying with somebody underage?

So yeah, emptyclosets.com. That's probably the best way to stay out of trouble...