Gay Muslims

[number2]

Someone help me out here- one of my good friends (19yo now i think?) is a gay muslim, having a seemingly terrible time dealing with this and his family... Being raised catholic, I can only speculate on how to help him from my past experiences and current convictions, as I know very little of Qur'an scripture.... anybody have any insight on how I might be able to help him get through this alright? I think just about anything may help now because he seems on the brink of doing something irrational (aka hurting himself :/ )

thanks guys


Pat

 

[G-Lexington]

Frankly, I have zero experience here. My best friend in high school was a Palestinian Muslim, but he was both straight and fairly Westernized, so I can't offer much insight there. I did study Islam for a couple semesters, but not sure I have any information re: the Qu'ran and homosexuality. I can offer an open ear, but that's about it.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

Honestly, the Islam issue is tangential to the problem. The same problems exist in gay children in evangelical Christian families, Latter Day Saints, etc.

What is different is the societal pressure of the country that they are from. Some of these countries are pretty homophobic. Others look the other way if the person has money. And others don't care what you do in private as long as you marry a woman and appear to be straight in public.

The advice would be the same- no matter the faith or creed.

 

[number2]

hmm okeedoke....

thanks guys

 

[hotb0d]

go give him a hug, talk to him, and make sure he knows that you will be there for him whenever. Then i guess the rest is up to him, and I hope for his sake he is a mentally strong person.

 

[Sammael]

I think you can help him just the way you would help him if he had a homophobic atheist family. I am an atheist who lives in Turkey and here there are gay Muslims(most in the closet), heterosexual Muslims who are ok with gays being gay but there are also homophobic atheists. The thing is when a person is homophobic, he uses the religion/hell excuse for making a scene even though they don't make a scene when very harmful sins are committed. So I think the problem with his family is how they were raised and who they are. Even if they suddenly decide to become atheists, their views and emotions about homosexuality is not going to change one bit so I don't think you need to know about his religion to comfort him.

 

[yehme2]

Just tell him, he is not the only one out there.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

There are special organizations for gay Muslims. Tell him to go there.

How much trouble you can expect his family will give him depends on their background. If his family came to the US from French Guiana, it might not be so big a deal. If they're Iraqis, they might try to kill him.

 

[yehme2]

^ I think that's an extreme exaggeration. I don't think any "good" parents would try to kill their son if they were gay regardless of religion or where they were brought at. Yes, homosexuality is looked down upon in the middle east (like the U.S a couple of years ago) but it dose not usually result in death. It is only in areas such as Iran/pakistan where Muslim law bans homosexual acts and might result in death. But i wouldn't jump to the conclusion and state that his parents my kill him. Just thought id clear that up...

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

^ I think that's an extreme exaggeration.

I assure you, it isn't. We had to open a special run-away home for homosexual teenagers in Amsterdam just for this reason. That's why he has to go to those organizations.

I don't think any "good" parents would try to kill their son if they were gay regardless of religion or where they were brought at.

What is "good" is depends on the dogma of the religion. It just happens to be that most religions do not only approve of the killing of homosexuals, but require it.
(but that discussion is for another forum).

 

[Halifaxboy8]

It just happens to be that most religions do not only approve of the killing of homosexuals, but require it.
(but that discussion is for another forum).

That is an over-generalization, and you are being sensationalist to enhance your point.

There are some religions and cultures that are intolerant enough of homosexuality to turn a blind eye to acts of violence. Muslims, as a whole, are not a violent people. Confusing intolerance with potential violence helps no one.

To the original poster, here are some GLBT Muslim support groups that I found online:
http://www.imaan.org.uk/
http://www.channel4.com/culture/microsites/C/can_you_believe_it/debates/gaymuslims1.html (a few links off that site)

http://www.al-bab.com/arab/background/gay.htm (lots of links here also)

There should be a lot of helpful people out there your friend can connect with. There are gay muslim counsellors online also. You said your friend was in a rough way and you feared that he might hurt himself..get him to chat up one of those counsellors. They're free, anonymous, and he can do it from the safety of his room (or, wherever is a safe place for him to go online).

Hope that helps

 

[RQeclectic]

If ur a member of fridae have a look on ther, ther is a current article about sexuality and being muslim, its a good read!

My last two and current bf have all been muslim and all are active practicing, with them it took them a while to receoncile ther differances between religion and sexuality, but once they had done this they live ther lives as any "straight" person would!!
While the first two were not open to ther parents, my current BF is, his father doesnt approve, but his mum is very supportive!
Be ther to listen and support him be the best friend that u can be!

 

[Hidden Shorts]

The Qu'ran, unlike the bible, is really clear about homosexuality. The bible has Genesis, but the section of Sodom and Gomorrah deals with more than just homosexuality. Decent cases can be made that the biblical sin of lot's people is Xenophobia. Plus, Lot was morally checkered in the bible. Then there's Leviticus and Deuteronomy, which have all kinds of rules, most of which get ignored, but the homophobic ones get cherry picked.

The Qu'ran has no such ambiguity or difficulty. The one sin of Lot's people is homosexuality. Plus the original Greater Jihad is a strong call to struggle against one's inner evil.

I think this is the biggest reason that it is so hard for gay muslims. As for what to do about it, I'm totally secular and totally clueless.

 

[LonelyFace]

THE ANSWER (POSSIBLY): TRACK DOWN A COPY OF THE BOOK "THINKING STRAIGHT" BY ROBIN REARDON. HAVE YOUR FRIEND READ IT CAREFULLY, AND THEN GO THROUGH THE DISCUSSION QUESTIONS IN THE READING GUIDE AT THE END OF THE BOOK (if your copy has one)!

 

[Jamezx]

I actually saw an english documentary on Gay muslims and the impact it had on their community (On SBS a while back for those in Australia)
Many could not show their face on tv, and had basically said their family had disowned them. A lot of their families were ashamed and had a hard time dealing with it.

In other instances, although the family didn't fully accept their lifestyle, their desire for their son to be happy actually took priority. They wouldn't tell their other family members and family friends, but would still visit and talk to their son.

In my experience the muslim tradition is very strict, and very family oriented. Best thing you can do, as others suggest, that if he decided to tell his family, let him know that you would be there for him. There would be nothing worse in being abandoned by family and not having at least one person to console with.

Actually found info on the documentary & its available on youtube under username 'gayedmuslim'

w w w. channel4. com/culture/microsites/C/can_you_believe_it/debates/gaymuslims.html

 

[Ekim23]

Back in the days I had a muslim bf,
his parents didnt "know"about it.

everybody just assumed it, it was cool... thats about it


I guess it all depends upon the situation, the people, the culture... just like it is for catholic people...