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Gay online dating sucks

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Mikael176

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I'm putting this here on a Saturday night because I was basically stood up for a first date.

A little background. Met this nice guy on POF about a month ago. We hit it off very well. Talked on the phone at least 2 hours 3-4 times a week. We live about 90 minutes from each other and because of our crazy schedules, it took awhile to get the first date out of the way. We spent a lot of time texting, again great communication.

So we were supposed to talk about the date last night and he is a nursing student and had to study. Was going to call me after that. Never called. Vanished today. No return calls, no text, etc.

Very upsetting because it was really unexpected. So much so that I was actually worried he was laying in a ditch somewhere (maybe he is, no way to know). Even had my two best friends (also gay) take a look at the last two days of our texting. No indication there was anything wrong.

This is what I text him after not hearing from him all day:

Okay so I'm starting to feel like a stalker for some reason. Haven't heard from you. You've either left your phone at home and went somewhere, are hurt, or not interested. This non communication isn't like you. So I hope you're okay. Been looking forward to today all week. So let me know what's up. I don't recall doing anything wrong.

I thought I'd post this to blow off some steam. I'm not one to keep something with a guy online for too long. I never really cared for online dating. Nonetheless, I understand it's the way many are doing it. Typically, the sooner we can meet in person, the better. In this case, schedules kept us from meeting.

So i'm looking for some general opinions here and have a comment for everyone here that is doing the dating thing. If you don't like the guy, just say it. Grow up, don't vanish, just say I'M NOT INTERESTED.

Frustrated.
 
I understand the frustration, but since this isn't like him give him a chance to explain. There may be some definite reason he hasn't responded. I don't think it is because he is avoiding you. As you say, he may be ill, in the hospital, or in a situation that he can't reply. I hope things take a better turn for you and he isn't a flake. Let us know how things go.

Craiger
 
You're not alone.. I've been stood up recently as well from a guy. He showed strong interest and even commenting how good I look. After 2 dates of hanging out almost the entire day, he vanished.

I texted a few days later saying how great a time I had and hoped we could hang out next weekend again. I found out later he blocked me from the dating site we met on. Hasn't returned my text or call.

It's frustrating cause in person they sound so mature and then they go and play these silly head games online.
 
So i'm looking for some general opinions here and have a comment for everyone here that is doing the dating thing. If you don't like the guy, just say it. Grow up, don't vanish, just say I'M NOT INTERESTED.
Click to expand...

His choice to end, a series of telephone conversations....his way.

Seize the day and begin looking for another guy...nothing ventured, nothing gained by dwelling, obsessively in the past on a relationship, that wasn't.
 
I can relate too, and this is one of the reasons dating websites suck. He is probably knowing someone else or learned something about you that he doesn't like. I don't understand why they disappear like this when they could send a message saying they're not interested anymore.
 
Yeah. It's just a terrible feeling. Honestly, I'm mature enough to take a rejection. But sitting on "why" just,sucks.
 
The games people play haven't changed much over the years. It's just that the methods have. For some reason it's easier to disappear or be avoidant than to tell the truth. Maybe it's just that people don't want an argument if they say they've changed their mind, they found someone else, they're back with an ex, or their boyfriend found out.

Don't attribute this to online dating. It's dating, period, and, yes, it can suck.

Friends come in handy during the process. They can keep you grounded and prevent you from going "all in" too soon.

The only secret is not giving up and also not becoming jaded.
 
Seasoned said:
The games people play haven't changed much over the years. It's just that the methods have. For some reason it's easier to disappear or be avoidant than to tell the truth. Maybe it's just that people don't want an argument if they say they've changed their mind, they found someone else, they're back with an ex, or their boyfriend found out.

Don't attribute this to online dating. It's dating, period, and, yes, it can suck.

Friends come in handy during the process. They can keep you grounded and prevent you from going "all in" too soon.

The only secret is not giving up and also not becoming jaded.
Click to expand...

Do you remember the Bar Biography?

To the OP, some guys are just flaky. I've noticed that a lot of guys online are playing a persona and have no intention of trying to actually date you. That's what the Bar Biography was, back before the interwebz.
 
Okay so everyone deserves a status report on this. What a strange story.

So last night I decided to call the guy one last time. The phone rang twice and back to voice mail. Then i got daring and created a blind phone number account using an app and text him as another person. Someone who was looking for a guy he met the other night, but apparently had the wrong number. My guy text him (me) back and there was some back and forth (which I initiated). At some point I said it was nice meeting him and he wished me good luck on finding the guy's right phone number. At that point, my guy mentioned that his cell phone has been acting strangely and wiped out all of his contacts, etc. Since then, no one could call him and he couldn't make calls. Apparently the guy isn't into backups. The only thing that worked was the phone's Internet connection - hence the reason the blind number worked. Cellular was fried. He even mentioned that he was unable to communicate with a guy he liked, actually mentioning me by name.

Based on this, I created another blind number and text him. This time, I was myself and he responded immediately and told me his woes.

Obviously, the story floored me and I'm not 100 percent convinced it's the truth. I basically told him I never expected to hear from him again, etc. Today he's getting a new iPhone. He even text me first thing in the morning saying he was happy we made contact.

So I'm treading lightly on this one. Obviously, I want to believe him. I will say that we never gave out last names, so finding me online would have been somewhat difficult -- especially when texting via cellular and iMessage wasn't working.

So that's that.
 
Huh? That makes you sound a bit stalkery.
 
I honestly wasn't stalking. I was seriously worried about him. Things are cool now
 
AWESOME!!! ..|

And -- if that ISN'T the reason -- you've got to give the guy INSANE credit for the INCREDIBLY imaginative excuse!!!

Hey -- WEIRD stuff happens to ALL of us occasionally...

I hope things go GREAT for both of you...

:):):)
 
Glad to hear things worked out for you , Mikael. Do play it slow, but enjoy the reunion and contact. For sure meet in person and let us know how things are.

Craiger
 
Things didn't work out. He continued to play texting games. Never even met him in person. I am the type of person that likes closure so I text him saying that the games he is playing are nasty, etc. In my mind, that's it. So days pass, and he sucks me back in my reacting to my message.

Very clear, that's he's passive aggressive. Also clear that I should just block him and carry on.
 
Sorry to hear that, however, I think you have made a wise decision. Why torture yourself and give him the twisted pleasure. Best of luck in carrying on, Mikael.

Craiger
 
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