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Gay... or so I thought???

D

danny-uk

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Hey everyone;

I'm a long time reader.. first time poster :-) lol

Anyway, I wanted some peoples opinions on something thats been racing through my head for a few months now.

I'm 22 (23 in March) and came out of the closet to everyone but my dad a good few years ago now... everythings been great, everyone has been great.. no issues at all! I've had a good number of boyfriends, and a really serious relationship last year (which ended unfortunately). Sex life has been great.. no issues what-so-ever :p

But... and this is a big but... I've had these thoughts of having sex with a girl racing through my head... I've 'done stuff' with a girl once, and it was a complete mess (in more than one way :mad: ) but now again my head has been all over the place :-(

I'm totally happy with my sexuality, and feel that if i do go back on my 'coming out' process, i'll be a bit of a laughing stock :confused:

Has anyone else ever been in this situation before, that can offer some advice?

Thanks :D
 
This is the one reason I haven't come out to my family yet. I'm scared that once I do jump off the deep end and come out, I'll find a girl and settle down...

Good luck.
 
Just say to people "Hey, I just realised! I'm actually bi, rather than gay!" Do it cheerfully. That's the best way! Not like you're particularly pleased about the fact, just like it's inconsequential.

A guy said that to me, mind you now he's in a LTR with another guy, so not sure if he was totally sure about being bi. Hell, at a pinch I'd say I was bi, but frankly I'm much more attracted to guys so I just call myself gay because the girl-liking part is VERY small.
 
I was in a LTR for 3 years when my partner decided he was bi and although it hurt for a while we parted, my thinking being that it was better for him to do what he had to and save he and I misery of "what if" in our relationship.
Tell people you are bi you can always change your mind again if need be.Good luck
 
Hey Danny.....Welcome to JUB!!!!! Happy posting mate!!!!

Your sexuality is an ever evolving changing thing...your tastes will change, your roles will change, your fetishes or likes may change....and who knows with you being more and more comfortable with yourself and your life...your ability to love anyone may change.

Dont ever concern yourself with the opinions of others while you sort of what makes you happy. You made the courageous step of coming out...that takes guts and strength. Use those same things again to go forward here mate.

No one who cares for you or loves you will give a hoot as to which box or category you fit into. They like us will only care that you're happy and true to yourself. Whether you are gay or bi it matters not. As long as you're happy and living a fulfilled open honest lifestyle which you have up until now it doesnt matter. Just approach this part of your adventure the same way...and dont worry about not knowing the answers. Self discovery takes a life time!
 
Why should you be ashamed of how you feel? You already accepted being 'not straight', why should you be afraid of being 'not gay'? Don't worry about it. A sexual thought doesn't make you completely straight nor does it make you completely gay.

So accept that you are either bi, or at least that you have straight sexual desires every so often along with your homosexual desires.

No pressure. Anyone who would make a laughing stock of you, gay or straight, can can go fuck themselves.
 
As long as you're just having feelings, you don't have to say anything to anybody. If you meet a girl you like and you start dating her, you can tell your friends and family, "We're just taking it one step at a time. I guess I probably like guys and girls both." If they didn't have a problem with you coming out, they won't exactly be shocked by any changes you go through.
 
I think you should find yourself a girl and cut guys off all together and just become straight! This is achievable for you because your sexuality is fluid. Just tell your family and friends that you had made a mistake and that you were just going through a phase in your life when you announced that you were gay but now that phase is over. They'll understand.
 
Yeah, but several guys have long fulfilling relationships with women before they ever find that streak of curiosity for the same sex.

And no, I don't thinkyou hsould just 'cut guys off' as was advised. You can like both and no one has the right to demand you be one or the other or tell you to just go easier on yourself. Liking both isn't any worse than liking one. Strive for equality and be what you are.
 
blueto21 said:
I think you should find yourself a girl and cut guys off all together and just become straight! This is achievable for you because your sexuality is fluid. Just tell your family and friends that you had made a mistake and that you were just going through a phase in your life when you announced that you were gay but now that phase is over. They'll understand.
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Until he's with girls for a while and decides he's interested in guys again. That could happen or it might not. Still, I wouldn't recommend "becoming straight" and telling everybody it was all just confusion. It might make things really awkward later.
 
This is something that worries me at times as well, as much as I am attracted to guys I cant help but feel that I would only find a relationship with a women.
 
The process of "coming out" has behind it the sense that one ought to be honest with the world. I buy that if it means being honest with my partner; that for me is the very minimum. But, at the same time there are thoughts that we all have which we do not share with anyone either because we don't want to burden the "other" with them or they are too painful to us. We respect each other's privacy even in long-term committed relationships. I helps to maintain the mystery of our individuality. We don't need from each other complete details of our previous sexual activity.

My debut into the wonderful world of unfolding sexuality was a happy result of my friendship with a new guy in my high school class. We bonded!!! And
I was glad for the revelation of the "gay" side of our sexuality which resulted from our friendship (deep friendship and, yes, love). Make no mistake.that was a homosexual relationship. When we went our separate ways, we discovered we were also capable of thriving in heterosexual relationships. We are both deeply closeted happily married husbands and fathers. (We don't cheat on our wives.) The love we have for each other is still strong.

We were and are extremely lucky to have had the openings to friendship and love that have been ours and we are both quite comfortable as sexual human beings. Incidentally, I do believe it has made us better husbands and better fathers. We talk to our kids.

Friendship, love, and commitment are the key, I believe; the physical bonding (the sex) was/is wonderful. It is the ultimate statement of the love two people have for each other. Without the love, it is mindless sex and I'm not interested.
 
drhladnjak said:
Until he's with girls for a while and decides he's interested in guys again. That could happen or it might not. Still, I wouldn't recommend "becoming straight" and telling everybody it was all just confusion. It might make things really awkward later.
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DING, DING, DING! BINGO! You've just describe the very essence of fluid sexuality. He can go back and forth between the sexes if he so chooses to. He has a CHOICE. But if he's into girls right now, at the moment, why not just choose to be with ONLY GIRLS? Since he can CHOOSE girls or guys and be sexually content with both? He doesn't have to be with a guy to be sexually fulfilled, or does he? I guess he will never be truly satisfied with either sex. He will always bounce back and forth between the two for the rest of his life. That’s what people do with when they have a fluid sexual orientation.
 
danny, if you wantto have sex with a girl, do it. don't worry about any labels, coming out process, etc. be in touch with yourself at all times and honest about yourself with your partners
ding
 
blueto21 said:
DING, DING, DING! BINGO! You've just describe the very essence of fluid sexuality. He can go back and forth between the sexes if he so chooses to. He has a CHOICE. But if he's into girls right now, at the moment, why not just choose to be with ONLY GIRLS? Since he can CHOOSE girls or guys and be sexually content with both? He doesn't have to be with a guy to be sexually fulfilled, or does he? I guess he will never be truly satisfied with either sex. He will always bounce back and forth between the two for the rest of his life. That’s what people do with when they have a fluid sexual orientation.
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I said nothing about him choosing guys or girls or going back and forth. All I'm saying is that since he's expressed interest in both, it would be best to keep his options open. That means not announcing to his family that before was "just a phase". Or were you being sarcastic in your first response?
 
I still get curious once in a while so I can see how a guy in his early 20's would want to perhaps try out sex with a girl if he's never had it ( in a way that wasn't a "mess"). I think you still need to experiment and so I say go and do it. Don't worry about your friends and family. I'm sure they won't so easily pigeonhole you as straight this quickly. Good luck!
 
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