Years ago I used to know somebody who was not only a total asshole with a VERY intense A-type personality, but I also know he was a paedophile. However, I have no idea whether he ever "did anything about it."
I actually got along with him reasonably well, as we had some very intelligent conversations which went into extreme depth, especially about politics. (He was also a self-professed Communist, and he wasn't ashamed to admit it.)
I have the feeling that, under the ["right"] circumstances, he could have been violent...
He was not definitely NOT GAY.
However, in one conversation, he described his fantasies to me, and even if I could have related to his attraction to adolescents, I was very surprised when he described how his fantasizing wasn't particularly focused on what the gender of the 11 to 13 year old would be. The whole concept of being attracted to kids that young was quite alien to me at the time, and the absence of such a sexual preference (for a guy who was otherwise straight) had me rather perplexed.
He explained that, after that age, the body characteristics of boys and girls (overall size and shape, musculature, breasts, etc.) rapidly begin to diverge. He also explained something about boys still being "kinda girl'y" in appearance or something.
I hadn't heard much, or thought much, about paedophilia up to that point, and I hadn't even yet decided whether it was GROSSLY wrong, or what. (I already reckoned that it was, indeed, wrong - but not sure of how wrong...) Remember that, back in the Seventies, ANY kind of "alternative" sex was rarely talked about, and there was very little out there to make me aware paedophilia even EXISTED.
I've learned much more in the following 32 to 33 years, and I am extremely thankful that I never had those feelings.
If I had the same conversation now, I would find it to be rather sickening and disgusting, having since formed actual opinions on the subject and realizing how wrong and how damaging this kind of thing can be. Even now (as it was then) such a conversation would also be a learning experience - but, at that time, I hadn't thought about it enough to realize how disgusting and harmful it was.
But that one conversation, back around 1977 or thereabouts, was the only time that I've ever received any real insight about "HOW a paedophile thinks" - or, at least, how a specific one perceives things. As hard as it was for me to write this, I thought it was worth sharing what I hope is the closest I ever come to any real-life observations of this phenomenon.
If he WAS acting on those feelings, though, karma came back at him quickly and very effectively. It wasn't more than 4 or 5 years later that he died from (as I understand it, but who knows??) a heart attack. This was his fate, according to his wife ( !) who I was in touch with for a while after. I really don't think he was more than 40 years old when he died, and he was severely overweight and a chain smoker as well...
](/images/smilies/bang.gif "Brick wall ](*,)")
