Gay Personals/Am I Missing Something?

[bluealternative]

A few weeks back I submitted my first online dating ad, filled out my details and what type of person I'm looking for, kept my interests general and included a nice photo. What I'm getting back are responses from much older men, those without photos and others with different intentions/interest altogether. I guess it's alright if you want a quick fix but I'm looking for a little more substance.

The photos I do like are of people hundreds of miles away or higher up on the subscription level, and I'm not about to spend more money to finally see exclusive details about "Mr. Not Worth The Upgrade", "Mr. Handsome But Won't Reply", or " Mr. You Had Me Until You Opened Your Mouth", and let's not forget "Mr. Not In This Lifetime Bub." Am I over-looking some sort of ettiquette or protocol? Should I be chatting more? Do personals require more patience, a take what you can get attitude or am I wasting time and money with it altogether? I appreciate your pointers.

 

[NumBumBoy]

Blue, I appreciate your disgruntled-ness about the personals. I too have the same experience. I am looking for someone to just see how it goes and haven't been able to get a fair or decent response. I have looked on craigs list for a city near mine and have gotten those not even in consideration for a dog to love..

I too like you wonder about this and if it is even worth the time and effort. I guess the real question is how does one go about finding someone? I know for those in big cities it is ok, but I live in a small rural area where they don't have specific clubs to go to. I am totally alone, and unable to move due to my job...

If anyone can shed some light that would be great...

 

[rareboy]

I guess it's alright if you want a quick fix but I'm looking for a little more substance.

You might think about just doing it in the real world instead of the virtual one.

You're the one who has to decide how stingy you're going to be when it comes to finding Mr. Right....but don't complain because you're not getting the responses you're looking for.

 

[JayHew]

Well for one, most of the guys that respond are really not going to do anything thing because they are either afraid, too shy or playing their game, so you needn't worry about all the ding bats flocking to your door. I have used such places and many, many times the scheduled meet up never happens as they are a no show.

Next is the idea that many do not have pics but want to see yours before deciding anything. HUH? Ah no, that an't gonna happen. Also married and have to be very discreet, can't do this, can't do that, and the list goes on.

Anyway, it is true you will likely not meet a whole lot of people who meet your particular criteria, so having a bit of leeway in that would be a good thing. Not that you will never meet someone, but you will have to run through a whole bunch over time. Meanwhile, have fun where you can and when you can.

Oh and it eventually could lead to something, I met my partner on such a site a long while ago and we are still going strong. Don't give up but don't be so damn picky that you pass up a diamond in the rough.

 

[bluealternative]

You might think about just doing it in the real world instead of the virtual one.

You're the one who has to decide how stingy you're going to be when it comes to finding Mr. Right....but don't complain because you're not getting the responses you're looking for.

You're right, I do understand about not being too stingy but there is also compatability to consider. I never said I was looking for Mr. Knight In Shining Armor, nor a relationship for that matter, just prefer something more than a quickie. All people have character ya know, and I'm one of many out there who are interested in that too. That's why I kept my profile and interest general enough for like minds to inquire.

 

[rareboy]

That's why I kept my profile and interest general enough for like minds to inquire.

What I'm getting back are responses from much older men, those without photos and others with different intentions/interest altogether.

So you aren't interested enough to follow up with older guys, out of towners or people with different interests form those you haven't specified.

I think you are missing something.

People want specificity. Even if they're not asking for it. General interests are never that general.

You just want to trawl and throw back anything that doesn't meet your criteria without actually giving away anything about yourself.

 

[chrisdobro]

You are not missing anything. That's the way of life in personals. Online people tend to think and act differently. How exactly I don't know , but here is my stipulation -- folks seem to think that on the Internet anything can happen as you get access to THAT many more people. But the effect seems to be the same as giving a teenager a car (you get nowhere faster). My apologies for this cliche.

You do get a wider audience, but the effect is dampened by things like ... people expecting to find EXACTLY what they are looking for without any compromises. One thing that does seem to work consistently is people hooking up and having no pickiness about the people they hook up with. Maybe because it's the least common ground.

The same thing can be said differently -- people tend to expect a fantasy guy to come into their life and 'fix' everything. But that does not happen in real life. Nevertheless people keep trying.

Another thing is that a lot of people use Internet as a fantasy escape. Those people are already in a relationship or are married or otherwise. Some of them are single but straight or bi-curious. They use Internet to see how far they can get in theory. They go as far as they can or want to get and then they drop off. There are two fantasy escapes here. One is escape from relationship, and one is pure fantasy (straight or bi-curious guys).

I feel there are more reasons, can't think of them at this time.


Aside from that, YES, personals require time and patience. Kinda like investment bonds I guess. You place them, and 'forget' about them until they mature. Suggested wait time is 1-2 month or sometimes longer.

Also, the more personals in different places you put, the more likely you are to get a yield. This is 'don't place all your eggs in one basket' rule

Now let's look at you. Question -- why haven't you followed up (till the end) on the very first response you got ? How about the second and how about the third ? And all the rest of them. Huh ? huH ?!!

Were they not your type or something ? They are people too and they want exactly what they are looking for (be wanted by another person in some way), except with a correction factor for them.

Is there an answer to your question in this post ?

P.S. I do not indent nor want to initiate your defense mechanism and to defend yourself for any reason because of my post. I am saying this because I feel I gave you a challenge, but I want you to control yourself and not respond by defending your actions but rather to think about where are they coming from. If you are to reply to points in my post, instead of defending your actions, I will prefer a further look into yourself, personals, and the info in my post.

 

[bluealternative]

Thanks Chrisdobro!!!!

 

[colemanshs]

It also depends on the site that you choose. I had no luck at all at some sites and at others I couldn't fight the guys off with a stick.

Be sure to put in your profile what you are looking for. Be specific. Put what you are looking for in a guy (physically, emotionally, his interests, etc). But most importantly, tell them about yourself. Tell them what you like to do. Do you have pets? What do you do in your free time? What do you plan on doing with the person that you meet on this site?

Be sure to have standards but do not allow these standards to be set in stone. When I met my current boyfriend I was 21. In my profile I stated that I was looking for someone between the ages of 20-26. So this guy sent me an email and chatted me up and we finally met. He's 34. I can honestly say that, no matter what may happen in the future, I'm glad that I gave him a chance. He has opened my eyes to a lot of different things and if I would have stuck to my strict age restrictions I would have missed out on a lot.

Thankfully, one of my personal rules is to respond to every email that I'm sent. If I didn't respond to this guy's emails because of his age, I would never have met such a great guy. Even if it's just a friendly response instead of a flirty response, I believe that everyone should be replied to. It's common courtesy.

Whatever you do, have fun. Don't expect to find a lot from a website so you'll be pleasantly surprised if you do. Good luck and keep us updated.

 

[KaraBulut]

bluealternative:

Unfortunately, there are a lot of desperate souls who believe that they have to pursue every opportunity. The desperate will cast their line in every fishing hole because they know that the only way to catch a fish is cast their line. They are correct, eventually an equally desperate fish will bite.

With that said, I want to call your attention to two very different things you have said:

"it's alright if you want a quick fix but I'm looking for a little more substance. "

versus

"The photos I do like are of people hundreds of miles away or higher up on the subscription level, and I'm not about to spend more money to finally see exclusive details"


You want something of substance but you're judging others by their pictures and not reading the details.

Are you sure you're being honest with yourself about what you're looking for? You can't tell much about substance from someone's picture.

 

[MrCreative]

Personals suck..lol. Especially when you find a really AMAZING guy, then in order to contact him you have to pay a buttload of money just to see if he'll even be interested in YOU. lol. I'd say go to myspace or some other social networking site and chat with guys in your area for FREE. :]

 

[BluesDog]

This is a tough path you have set yourself on, and I wish you all the luck. Think about what you want out of the process and if your ad is written to facilitate that goal. If the ad is very general, you will have a lot of responses.... if the ad is very specific about what type of respondent you are expecting, you may have a more limited selection, but you are more likely to find a satisfactory selection.