Gay?

[acranmer00]

So lately i have been evaluating.. i believe im gay... but only in the forms of lust.


when i see a hot guy. i immidiatley thinnk about having sex.



but when i see a ht girl i think about a relationship with them. and i actually would say im in love with my best friend. who is a girl.... and i mean im IN love with her. have been for a long time? BUT i dont like the thought of anything sexual with a girl.


im i gay? or just horny?

 

[GBirdie]

If you ask me..... most importantly I'd like to know, how old are you, actually........ coz, no offence, though this site was meant for 18 above, but you sound like 15 or 16 to me, at the most.

Anyway, for me.... if you ARE 15, or 16, I guess it's quite a normal age to have that feelings. And I, or WE, can't tell you whether you're gay or not, you'll have to find out sooner or later for yourself. If you're older than that, you might still have such problems, but more likely you'll know what you're facing.... somehow, people's minds tend to mature after some time, which I realised myself, the difference between last time and now.

My advice, give it some time....

 

[acranmer00]

i'm 19 almost 20.



but if its time u say. its time ill take.

 

[G-Lexington]

Just going on what you've given us, but...

Gay.

You might have noticed the word "sex" right in the middle of the word "homosexuality". That's not an accident. Your sexuality involves who you want to have sex with. Not who you like to hang with, play softball with, or even "picture yourself settling down with". Saying "I'm gay, but only when I'm horny" is like saying "I love waffles, but only when I'm hungry."

As far as your female friend goes, maybe she'll be your BFF. Many of us gays have female (best) friends. But we have sex with guys. We get into relationships with guys. And, even though we might not have pictured it at one point, many of us partner up with guys. Because, y'know, we're gay.

Lex

 

[acranmer00]

yes i figured....

but just because i might be gay doesn't mean that im not allowed to have feeling for a girl. =]

 

[halubtsi]

In my younger days, I felt much the same way you did. I was sexually attracted to men, but could really only see myself settle down with a woman.

Part of it was because of what I was taught and what I knew. I only really dealt with straight couples and the gay couples that I saw on TV were guys I didn't identify with. It was only when I saw a gay couple, who were happy together, and who I identified with that I actually started to think "maybe I can see myself with a man."

But like the others have said, just give it time and don't force an outcome. Don't try to be straight and don't try to be gay. Just let yourself go and see where it takes you.

 

[Echoes]

you might love your female friend as a brother, Have you thought of that possibility? We are not gay because of the things we are living through day by day. It is like Lex said, you cannot be interested in men just because you're horny, maybe you haven't accepted that having a relationship with another man is possible. Perhaps you could try to talk with someone who looks attractive to you, knowing each other, hanging around, having good times you know? then you might figure things out, time helps but it is always up to you.

 

[yuengling]

I have trouble with the whole gay thing I'm not sure if I'm bi or not. I can picture myself living with a guy up until the age of 30 then it stops sounding appealing for whatever reason. I find guys attractive that range from 18-28 but I've met 40 year old women I was attracted to. What the hell does that mean?

 

[Eagle653]

Those whom you are capable of having sex with, you are capable of loving. It might *seem* like men are objects of lust to you, but women are for relationships, but that's, more than likely, because you have not yet fallen for a man.

But, don't kid yourself. It isn't that simple to categorize genders for different purposes (men=sex; women=relationships). If you are attracted to men sexually, it is entirely possible for you for fall in love with one. If you do, and if you concurrently happen to be in a relationship with a women (girlfriend/wife), you have quite a predicament on your hands.

Many of us felt the same way at one time. I know I did. That sure changed fast when the right man came along...

 

[GBirdie]

Hmm, well, sry that I tried to 'age group' you, but anyhow, I just thought you were younger, haha.

Anyway, after reading some of the posts above, and come to think of it myself, it's quite true what most of the said, in my opinion, a partnered relationship comes where Love and Lust intersects. If you ask me, I'd say I could Love anyone, either girl or guy, and of course it comes to different levels.

I used have a friend, girl, not gf though, haha, I can say that I love her, sort of a 'sister/brother' love. Sometimes I even feel lonely when she's not around to talk to. And for guys.... some of them I love too, as a friend or brotherly love, while others, I wish I could have them.


Well, if you get what I mean.... ....

 

[halubtsi]

yuengling, that's normal. You may not be attracted to older men, but that's fine. That's the lust side of you talking. When you say you find older women attractive, ask yourself if you'd want to have sex with that older woman. Do you want to stick your face between her breasts, or go down on her? Do you want to slip your cock into her VJJ?

When I was younger I was attracted to guys my age (so 18-20). I did also find some 25 and 30 year olds good looking, but for the most part, they had to be in their early 20s. Now that I'm older, I don't find the 18-20 year olds attractive at all. Sure, I may find them good looking, but I'm not sexually attracted to them. I'm into guys who are about my age. I find guys between 21-26 nice to look at, and wouldn't mind getting it on with them...but they're not relationship material. Guys between 27-33 are the guys who I find hot, wouldn't mind sleeping with, but also can picture myself with in a relationship...Mind you, these are all generalizations. I've met some pretty immature 33 year olds, and would never consider them for a relationship.

I should also mention that even today, I find women attractive. Just not sexually. I also tend to find a greater number of women "attractive" than men. The reason for this is because I don't want to have sex with women, that I can see all of their "beautiful" aspects. With guys, because there's that sexual aspect to it, I'm more picky and tend to ignore or gloss over their "beautiful" aspects if they're not the type of guy I'm interested in.

 

[yuengling]

halbutsi. That's a perspective I have been looking for. I have had several relationships with women and in most ways they were pretty good just not great. I do enjoy sex with women but I will never go down on a girl ever again nor would I ever consider rimming a guy ( it just seems risky behavior). vagina just has a taste to it no matter what. I have given one blowjob but you know penis doesn't taste like anything so it wasn't bad, and plus the penis is about six inches away from the anus whereas the vagina's like one inch away. I just can't stand to have my mouth near there. The other thing is the gay bars are steretypical as all hell. Just a fucking rave club where everyone is dancing to exctasy music. Its not for me.
There wasn't the kind of lust that was around that usually makes people do crazy things. Although, this whole predicament has become even more confusing because I have been dealing with impotence for the last two years. One of my barometere's is out. soon enough the doc thinks he can cure my impotence, hopefully that will give a better idea, of what I truly desire.

 

[conrad]

Acranmer00, I assume that you are young and horny. That tells us all that you are healthy in that area. What to do about it? The kindly Creator has provided hands and with a little imagination (we call it fantasy thoughts) masturbation is a wonderful way to release. Yet you should not be fooled by what you think about in those sessions; I assume that you are beyond the stage where you just want to "get off" but even so fantasy has to meet up with your real life. And really satisfactory sexual expression is found in the company of some other person. Don't be afraid to make friends among women and men. And, be open to the surprises which await you.

By all means, make sure that that person is a friend--indeed, more than a friend--someone who is not afraid of expressing his/her affection physically. This is not likely to be sexual at first. (I was sure my teen friend, a boy my age, was as ready as I was when I noted that he was as hard as I was when we embraced one day; the kissing came later.) LET IT HAPPEN! When we finally did have sex it came very naturally and it felt and seemed good. We spent the last two wonderful years in high school "learning by doing" and we did it all." The sex was fantastic and only got better with time. Each event was a confirmation of the bond that had come to be between us. The sex came to an end; we graduated; we eventually became happily married men. But, even today when we see each other we admit that that old feeling is still there. I loved him then and I love him still.

I was as enchanted, surprised, and delighted when first I experienced bonding with a lady. Same thing happened: we met, we became friends, then more than friends and that sex was in its way wonderful because it too was founded on the firm foundation of a loving friendship. I sincerely wish every young man could have the happy journey into the fullness of his sexuality which I have had. I am richer in the appreciation of human sexuality in knowing that I can sustain a relationship with a man I love and I found it no bar to establishing a loving relationship with a woman.

Don't sell yourself short. Lust is normal. Some men allow this to send them on an unending pursuit of the tinsel
and firecracker aspects of sex. I say that it is better to go for the gold standard of sexual relationship which has to have a foundation of committed, caring, love.

 

[conrad]

Acranmer00, I assume that you are young and horny. That tells us all that you are healthy in that area. What to do about it? The kindly Creator has provided hands and with a little imagination (we call it fantasy thoughts) masturbation is a wonderful way to release. Yet you should not be fooled by what you think about in those sessions; I assume that you are beyond the stage where you just want to "get off" but even so fantasy has to meet up with your real life. And really satisfactory sexual expression is found in the company of some other person. Don't be afraid to make friends among women and men. And, be open to the surprises which await you.

By all means, make sure that that person is a friend--indeed, more than a friend--someone who is not afraid of expressing his/her affection physically. This is not likely to be sexual at first. (I was sure my teen friend, a boy my age, was as ready as I was when I noted that he was as hard as I was when we embraced one day; the kissing came later.) LET IT HAPPEN! When we finally did have sex it came very naturally and it felt and seemed good. We spent the last two wonderful years in high school "learning by doing" and we did it all." The sex was fantastic and only got better with time. Each event was a confirmation of the bond that had come to be between us. The sex came to an end; we graduated; we eventually became happily married men. But, even today when we see each other we admit that that old feeling is still there. I loved him then and I love him still.

I was as enchanted, surprised, and delighted when first I experienced bonding with a lady. Same thing happened: we met, we became friends, then more than friends and that sex was in its way wonderful because it too was founded on the firm foundation of a loving friendship. I sincerely wish every young man could have the happy journey into the fullness of his sexuality which I have had. I am richer in the appreciation of human sexuality in knowing that I can sustain a relationship with a man I love and I found it no bar to establishing a loving relationship with a woman.

Don't sell yourself short. Lust is normal. Some men allow this to send them on an unending pursuit of the tinsel
and firecracker aspects of sex. I say that it is better to go for the gold standard of sexual relationship which has to have a foundation of committed, caring, love.