"Get Laid" - Deadline..

[boy0boy]

So after a long year starting with my first semester in college, hanging out with all of my lesbian and one gay friend/s, and hearing them talk about every issue and relationship. Being the straight friend in a group of people who have all had experience, and a world where most people have had some sort of sexual experiene before the age of 18. Finally accepting who I am conveniently at the end of the semester when all I had then was to go back home into a tighter closet. Dealing with coming out, accepting most of my socializing is done on he internet, well 'gay' socializing. Seeing countless examples of all kinds of predicaments that people seem to get themselves into and I've come to a decision.


A "get laid" deadline of sorts. I always kinda had it in my thoughts but I figure if I proclaim it aloud, it will be more of a comencement. I just recently turned 19 and have almost a full year till my 20th birthday and have decided that before that happens I would like to have had some sort of sexual relationship.

First! For anyone not acquainted with most of my ideas on the subject of relationships... check the search for my post before you make a comment please, or continue reading.

Second, this is no way me becoming a different person in any way. I really feel if I actually "pushed" myself harder that I could meet someone. As most of you say- action is the key to getting anything started, and I think I'm done with waiting for it to find me. I'm still a romantic at heart and will definately not be compromising my ideas in any way. This is more of a fire underneath my bottom to get me into gear.

So I really feel that it would be important to enjoy sex while I am still this age, too many of us nice guys remain virgins or not well experienced for so long either because of our high ideals and refusal to compromise or shyness. I can be proud of myself saying that I had my first sex at 19 or even 20 but after that it gets awkward for me. I think having some "experience" is really a valuable thing for later relationships. IN NO WAY AM I DEGRADING THOSE WHO ARE OLDER AND STILL NOT HAD AN EXPERIENCE. This really is just a personal thing.

As for what constitutes this experience, I really don't wanna set a specific idea. Just some sort of experience. This really will be a huge part of my goals now in many ways that I hope to elaborate on later. I guess this is good enough for now.

 

[G-Lexington]

Duly noted.

Lex

 

[Oden_grey]

A "get laid" deadline of sorts. I always kinda had it in my thoughts but I figure if I proclaim it aloud, it will be more of a comencement. I just recently turned 19 and have almost a full year till my 20th birthday and have decided that before that happens I would like to have had some sort of sexual relationship.

...

Second, this is no way me becoming a different person in any way. I really feel if I actually "pushed" myself harder that I could meet someone. As most of you say- action is the key to getting anything started, and I think I'm done with waiting for it to find me. I'm still a romantic at heart and will definately not be compromising my ideas in any way. This is more of a fire underneath my bottom to get me into gear.

Interesting concept... but I'm not sure that setting a deadline is an appropriate thing to do. I mean, when you set deadlines if your actions are not according to schedule you can rush to judgement and end up in a situation you do not like.

However, if I read what you are saying correctly, you might have more of a "come what may" attitude towards relationships. From personal experience, I have to tell you that despite good looks and charm, you have to be comfortable in gay situations (being comfortable out of the closet... if you will). Certainly, you probably have the first two items down, so now it's time to be more comfortable being gay and you will be a shoe-in in no time.

 

[Alberto_15]

Come to social Wednesdays at candle light!!!

 

[boy0boy]

However, if I read what you are saying correctly, you might have more of a "come what may" attitude towards relationships. From personal experience, I have to tell you that despite good looks and charm, you have to be comfortable in gay situations (being comfortable out of the closet... if you will). Certainly, you probably have the first two items down, so now it's time to be more comfortable being gay and you will be a shoe-in in no time.

Well thank you, I really am an honest down to earth person. I am comfortable with being gay, just not use to dating of any kind. So other than normal jitters, I don't think I give off an uncomfortable vibe. I like guys. I'm gay.

Come to social Wednesdays at candle light!!!

Hmm what is that? Never heard of it. In SA?

 

[benlemieux2003]

I get your drift but I still call "bad idea".

See the problem with sex is that people now see it as a consumable product you can buy. Like you can "get a Playstation" you can "get laid".

In my experience a lot of people who've set themselves deadline were dead wrong, no pun intended. I used to be one of these people and it's gotten me into stuff I wish I hadn't done or done differently, with better people. Some of my friends got even deeper into that whole scene to get - and I quote them - "absolutely nothing" out of it.

Peer pressure can be incredibly annoying and yes, it's normal to feel like a loser. But the worse feeling than this is to get into something, do something because you wanna feel like everyone else, and that includes "getting laid" and "finding someone". In my opinion, you do that and you're packaging yourself as a consumable product for the first horny gay guy to get.

If you feel you "need to be with someone" I'd say you have personal confidence issues you should work on. In my experience once you've built your confidence, your character and you do the thing you love the most and make it your life, you'll inevitably meet people who share the same values and ideals as you do and you'll love you for that. Then, you can "get laid", be with someone without feeling bad and dealing with the other damaging side-effects of hookups.

 

[Alive and Free]

You are very cute ! I am sure you will have no problems making your wish a reality. I am hopfully moving to TX next fall for grad school.

 

[boy0boy]

I get your drift but I still call "bad idea".

See the problem with sex is that people now see it as a consumable product you can buy. Like you can "get a Playstation" you can "get laid".

In my experience a lot of people who've set themselves deadline were dead wrong, no pun intended. I used to be one of these people and it's gotten me into stuff I wish I hadn't done or done differently, with better people. Some of my friends got even deeper into that whole scene to get - and I quote them - "absolutely nothing" out of it.

Peer pressure can be incredibly annoying and yes, it's normal to feel like a loser. But the worse feeling than this is to get into something, do something because you wanna feel like everyone else, and that includes "getting laid" and "finding someone". In my opinion, you do that and you're packaging yourself as a consumable product for the first horny gay guy to get.

If you feel you "need to be with someone" I'd say you have personal confidence issues you should work on. In my experience once you've built your confidence, your character and you do the thing you love the most and make it your life, you'll inevitably meet people who share the same values and ideals as you do and you'll love you for that. Then, you can "get laid", be with someone without feeling bad and dealing with the other damaging side-effects of hookups.

I understand how at least one person if not most people would respond in this way, but as I said, in no way will I compromise my ideals in anyway to achieve this.

On my 20th birthday, if I haven't done anything, I'm not going to be beheaded. I don't put undue pressure on myself for this, more like a positive incentive. I'm still a virgin to this day for good reason.

I'm definately not most people.

 

[rareboy]

It can be desirable to set goals..............

I think you will likely find that you are more relaxed and receptive to getting to know other people if you are hoping to get laid in the next 365 days, however, having said this, I would agree with other posters that you need to make sure there is no special weight given to achieving or not achieving your intended result.

I'll bet though, that you end up making a whole bunch of new friends and acquaintances.

 

[backpacker]

Come over to my place and we can take care of it (just kidding - I know that's not what you're looking for).

Seriously, you are a good looking and more importantly smart guy. I've been very impressed with the insight of your posts on JUB. I'm sure if you put your mind to it, you can find the right guy to be your first sometime in the next year. Good luck!!!

 

[Alberto_15]

Hmm what is that? Never heard of it. In SA?

It's a nice place on St. Mary's st. You can also try the sunday brunch there.

I think the deadline thing is a bad idea... you should try and meet more gay guys and "it" will happen before you know it =P

I think your first time should be without having to worry about deadlines, peer pressure and such.

Good luck buddy

 

[boy0boy]

It's a nice place on St. Mary's st. You can also try the sunday brunch there.

I think the deadline thing is a bad idea... you should try and meet more gay guys and "it" will happen before you know it =P

I think your first time should be without having to worry about deadlines, peer pressure and such.

Good luck buddy

Yeah that's what this is going to motivate me to do. I don't know how to explain it so that everyone understands, but why try.. ha!

I guess hypothetically: I become more involved with finding a guy. I find a guy who I'm interested and is interested in me. We make plans to get together, we go out on a date things feel good. Now for me, a first date, or meeting will never result in sex. So hopefully we are still interested and make plans to meet again for another get together, we go out have fun. This continues till I feel comfortable and then we can go from there...

Now I can't say exactly how things will go, but I know that I want to enjoy a person and have them enjoy me and my company before I'm even comfortable with physical activity.. besides possible kissing huging cuddling or whatever, which might come faster. All I know is. This isn't an excuse for me to find someone to get my rocks off, by far.

If that doesn't make it clearer, then oh well.



Thanks guys for the kind words, support, and caution on my behalf.

 

[gameboy 11]

Haha. I feel the same way actually. I'm 22, and will turn 22 on May 1st. I want to have sexual contact before then. Hopefully, I can at least 69 a guy before then!!!



To be honest though, I'd rather be in a serious, committed relationship before then. Maybe it'll happen for once...

 

[boy0boy]

Extra Extra. This phase is over.


After the night came to a wrap. Finally catching up with some old friends, a flame, and a lot of baggage, I'm done with compromising myself in any way.

I'm awkward in most situations. I don't smoke weed. I follow the speed limit. I don't enjoy alcohol, other than fruity tasting ones. I'm still a virgin. I will probably die without having any sort of sexual relation. I'm good at appearing well. I am usually. I barely cuss. I smile constantly for no reason. When I'm sad or upset, you can easily tell. I don't make a first move. I'm open minded. I'm sexually frustrated. I'm happy.



So... no sex for me, as much as I want it. This just wouldn't have ever worked.

 

[backpacker]

I'm glad you are not willing to compromise yourself. You are a smart guy with a good personality. I'm sure your sexual frustration won't last long. Just put yourself in position to meet available guys and some smart guy will snatch you up.

 

[fallenstar]

Extra Extra. This phase is over.


After the night came to a wrap. Finally catching up with some old friends, a flame, and a lot of baggage, I'm done with compromising myself in any way.

I'm awkward in most situations. I don't smoke weed. I follow the speed limit. I don't enjoy alcohol, other than fruity tasting ones. I'm still a virgin. I will probably die without having any sort of sexual relation. I'm good at appearing well. I am usually. I barely cuss. I smile constantly for no reason. When I'm sad or upset, you can easily tell. I don't make a first move. I'm open minded. I'm sexually frustrated. I'm happy.



So... no sex for me, as much as I want it. This just wouldn't have ever worked.

Hey, I feel you boy0boy ... and I wouldn't worry about feeling awkward just because you don't smoke weed and aren't consuming copious amounts of alcohol. Like the other posters said, you are a good looking guy and it sounds to me like your a very kind, intelligent, funny and thoughtful person and people are always attracted to that ... especially if your smiling all the time ... it just feels inviting. (Or for me somewhat envious and intimidating ... attractive and happy people can do that to me sometimes ) I seriously doubt that you will die a virgin ... it just might not happen tomorrow ... but with a positive outlook and a little work and luck ... who knows? You could be getting laid sooner than you think. So instead of setting deadlines I would just try and do little things daily that get you closer into a position of meeting that guy and the sexual activities that could follow. I'm a virgin too and I know it seems like we are missing out, but you can't stake your identity and self worth as a person on it. I'm pretty certain that many good times lay in store for you ... so don't sweat it. Just keep on keeping on and I'm sure you will look back on this soon as bump in the road in your rearview mirror. Best of luck!

 

[Nurlan2]

Dude, deadlines for things like that are bad news. You're just putting undue pressure on yourself. Take it easy, and things will happen in due course.

 

[boy0boy]

Just put yourself in position to meet available guys and some smart guy will snatch you up.

With any luck. Not holding my breath, I honestly have reached the breaking point of waiting or really looking. Listen to that song "Single" by Natasha Bedingfield and it pretty much sums it up. "Make you move if you want, doesn't mean I will or wont. I'm free to make my mind up, you either got it or you don't."

Like the other posters said, you are a good looking guy and it sounds to me like your a very kind, intelligent, funny and thoughtful person and people are always attracted to that ... especially if your smiling all the time ... it just feels inviting. (Or for me somewhat envious and intimidating ... attractive and happy people can do that to me sometimes ) I would just try and do little things daily that get you closer into a position of meeting that guy and the sexual activities that could follow. I'm a virgin too and I know it seems like we are missing out, but you can't stake your identity and self worth as a person on it.

Thanks for all the kind words and support. I'm glad you are in a similar situation and can share your thoughts with me, it's supportive on a whole new level when someone is similar to you. I guess this really is only a bump. I definately don't stake my worth on it otherwise I'd have given it up already!

Funny because as bad or sad a mood I was in last night I was completely aware that.... WHY?..... I'm SO happy with where I am right now. Why let a few things bother me so much. I knew I needed sleep to wipe the slate clean for today. And I feel terrific.

Your self-respect amazes me.

Thanks hunt. I think you understood what I was kinda getting at with this whole deadline idea. I feel kinda silly about having done this and taking it back, but in the end I'm good and proud of my decisions.

Dude, deadlines for things like that are bad news. You're just putting undue pressure on yourself. Take it easy, and things will happen in due course.

Thanks Nurlan for the concern. I actually am glad overall that I did set this although it's transformed into something else. What I didn't tell you guys on here was one of my biggest plans was to get into better shape. Slowly I have over the course of years have transformed myself with good choices. I finally felt the "final lap" was due and I would give all of my effort. So I have the past few weeks been doing lots of running, following a strict diet, and other exercise. Last night at the club was amazing - for the fact that I felt like finally I was a guy that I would look at and say "damn!"

So other than all of that I will end this thread with an announcement of sorts... I somewhat did meet my deadline after all was said and done. I sat here thinking "why do I have to be a virgin completely?" I got a certain *thing, and can proudly say I now have an idea about what it's all about. Hey I've made it this far with only myself to keep me company.

-eric