getting into a relationship with a bisexual guy? yay or nay

[DigitalFudge]

The one good thing that always comes out of these threads is that they remind me that the only guys that refuse to date someone based solely on bisexuality are the bigoted assholes. Which in the long run works out in my favor, I make it a point not to date those people anyway.

It's always good when people show you who they are so you don't have to waste time pursuing anything. I can relate, I think we all can really.

 

[blackbeltninja]

Don't be silly. There are plenty of bisexual men in my extended circle of friends, and in my line of work, I seem to spend more time with bisexual men than anything else.

I did not know that.

And with all these bi guys, you still wouldn't consider ANY of them dating material? Hmmm. Have you voiced your concerns raised here to these mates of yours? How did they respond?

-d-

 

[Soilwork]

I did not know that.

And with all these bi guys, you still wouldn't consider ANY of them dating material? Hmmm. Have you voiced your concerns raised here to these mates of yours? How did they respond?

-d-

The subject doesn't come up much. I won't tell anyone else who they should and shouldn't date and since I'm off the dating market myself, I've never had to tell any of my friends or colleagues "I would never date you."

One of my friends does know how I feel on the subject and told me that before he knew I wasn't available, he was interested in me. After a few too many drinks together and the two of us romping around naked in the middle of the night and going streaking through a little mountain town, he asked me if - if situations were different - I would ever consider the idea of the two of us together. It's hard to say. Probably not. He's a great guy... Handsome and funny and likable but I'm not sure I could ever feel comfortable with a guy who only introduces his female partners to his parents, co-workers and "some of my straight friends" but keeps his male partners secret from some parts of his life because "it's none of their business who I'm dating."

I'm nobody's dirty little secret.

But if I was single and he was willing to integrate me into all of his life... It might be something I would at least allow myself to consider. We certainly do have chemistry.

 

[pat grimshaw]

I think this discussion of a 1944 movie called 'The Shanghai Gesture' is relevant to this thread~

The film clearly is racist…The depiction of China as a boiling cauldron of depraved pleasures and everyday corruption will confirm the prejudices of those who want to view Asians as the inscrutable “Other.” It also almost goes without saying that all of the principle Chinese characters are played by white actors…

…its deepest contempt is reserved for the half-breed characters… The film none too subtly implies that miscegenation is the real problem, that “East and West can never meet,” and that any transgression of that divide is doomed to disaster. ... a suspicion of the “mongrel,” as Omar describes himself. The villain in Shanghai Express is also a half breed. Lest this prejudice be viewed as exclusively Sternberg’s problem, however, it is worth suggesting that the fear of mixed race is deeply-seated and moves beyond questions of ethnicity.

Consider how Barack Obama was criticized by some African-Americans in 2008 for not being “black enough.” Or Tiger Woods being criticized for refusing to deny his mixed racial heritage. This racial fundamentalism, which insists you “identify” with one side of your ancestry while denying the other expresses a general hostility to ambiguity through race. Half-breeds are dangerous because we expose the arbitrary nature of categories accepted as truths. We do not easily fit the “either/or” distinctions that structure experience and substitute for thought.

The film reminds us that people of mixed race can be demonized by both sides. Racism, too, comes in many colors....

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0034175/
http://tashpix.wordpress.com/2011/11/08/the-shanghai-gesture/

 

[Soilwork]

"I have bisexual friends" sounds like a nice counterpart to "I have gay friends" or "I have black friends."

Jasun totally can't be bigoted.

Don't be silly.

Nobody said any such thing.

I wouldn't use "I have friends that are...." as a reason for anything. but he asked me how my bi friends felt about my position and I answered honestly that it seldom comes up since it's a moot point anyway.

 

[blackbeltninja]

I think for a lot of gay men, myself included, the idea that a woman can give a man that one important thing that a gay man can't—a child—is why the idea of a bisexual man cheating on them with a woman is worse. I don't know, I guess it's just something that bi men can't understand.

You gay guys all forget one thing - a bi guy could leave another bi guy for the same reason. We're not untouchable in this regard...

-d-

 

[figjam]

nay. i just don't feel comfortable with the fact that i'm with someone that probably might not think he's cheating on me to get with someone of the opposite sex. i always had the feeling that there are some guys that use being bisexual as an excuse to be unfaithful hos. for some reason, i don't think there are many bisexual guys that can stay committed.

"always had the feeling that there are some guys that use being bisexual as an excuse to be unfaithful"... still amazes me how many gay guys are unaccepting of bi guys. Then again - maybe they forgot what it felt like to have their sexuality questioned....

 

[bma1983]

You gay guys all forget one thing - a bi guy could leave another bi guy for the same reason. We're not untouchable in this regard...

-d-

Which leads me to wonder if there are any bi guys who would rather not date other bi guys for that reason.

 

[blackbeltninja]

^Touché.

-d-

 

[Kabluey]

Oh brother. There are some Everest-sized chips on people's shoulders in this thread.

I'd like to think having a chip on both shoulders is pretty balanced.

 

[spoogeload]

My 2 Cents

Sexuality is a continuum. On one side there's a small percentage of people who could never be attracted to someone of the same sex, on the other side a similar percentage who could never be attracted to someone of the opposite sex. In the absence of societal pressure, most humans would fall somewhere between the two extremes. However, there's an extreme amount pressure to be straight in our society, and most people (especially males) will do there damnedest to lead a heterosexual life if they can. The ones who call themselves 'bisexual' fall into one of three categories:

• 
  Guys who are truly open to sex with any gender, and are comfortable with that fact

• Predominantly homosexual guys who are uncomfortable being gay

• Mostly straight guys who like to like to occasionally dabble in homosex activities

Group one could be a good catch if the two of you are really into each other. The guys in group two may make good friends, but you should avoid getting into a relationship with until they get their heads in order. Dating the last group will probably get you nothing but pain or death by murder suicide.

In the long run, it's best to be in a relationship with someone who has similar needs and desires as you. Whether that means monogamy, open relationships or occasional bisexual dalliances. Ask yourself why you have a desire to be with a 'bisexual'? Does that make him more masculine to you or just more unobtainable? Does the need to be with someone who's not 'gay' represent some repressed self loathing? Is dating a bisexual or turning a straight guy (btw you can't turn someone who's really straight) a fetish for you? That's fine too, but it's not the stuff of relationships.

Work at getting your head in order. Seek friendships with people you genuinely like. Have sex with people who drive you wild, and build partnerships with people you can't live without and who feel that same about you.

 

[72-Jay]

I'd say yay to a relationship with a bi guy ... if it was a committed relationship.

 

[broadshoulder]

Well, my ex was bisexual and cheated on me with a woman repeatedly. He now is married and has two little boys and cant understand my reluctance to meet them.

To be honest. Those with two options make the most of them. I keep away from bisexuals.

 

[BobbyV]

The problem with these threads is that we all have only anecdote to offer. My two experiences with bi guys were that they presented themselves to most who knew them as straight while they were in a relationship with me. They are both married to females now. I was someone they kept in the closet (I was openly gay, young at the time) The second one I thought I was in a committed relationship with for two years, only to find that he was cheating on me with female.

I was devastated.

These threads that pop up every couple of months and we all relate our anecdotal experiences. Until there is an actual peer reviewed study that settles once and for all the relationship behavior of men who identify as bi-sexual we will just keep repeating "I would never.... I have never... this always happens...." as though that information as empirical.

I personally only date out and proud gay men now. I wish everyone happiness with their choice of partners.

 

[SpeedDemonNYC]

I highly doubt this is much of a valid point. It is up to the individual himself to choose whether or not to be faithful. Being interested in both genders is FAR separate from self control.