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Getting it off my chest, why I can not come out

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Dude...

I am totally where you are at right now...It sucks. Maybe by showing them respect when you are with them, but being who you are outside of the house? That is what I am doing as I am away for school right now too.
 
You're 19yo right ?

Dont sweat it now! Finish college get on your own so to speak and then come out.
 
If there is no pressure to come out to the people footing your bills, then why bother.

On the other hand, they must be real shits if they would cut you off because you're queer. If they're that horrible, they deserve to be lied to, if only by omission.

You're going to have a lifetime of choices. Obviously, you'll have to choose when you sell yourself out for security.

and I don’t know what I would do if I were to be cut off.

....and I must say that I'm not likely the only one who finds this amusing. Rich kids always seem so helpless when faced with the thought of no money.
 
You're obviously not ready to come out to them.
So don't.
You'll know when the time is right.

Lex
 
In a word: SURVIVAL.

Why? Cause youre young enough to endure the sacrifice of staying "in" a bit longer for the benefits you will reap.
 
I feel so bad for you. It must be awful to be put into that situation. I don't have much guidance for you, but I can say that you definitely need to clear the history after being here. I guess, anyway.

Um, I just wanted to post to let you know I read, and understand what you're feeling. At least a little. And you said that you never have been in a relationship. But then before, didn't you say you had one with some guy and you played it off as your friend? I'm a bit confused on that, but for now, I would say hold off on coming out because it doesn't seem like it'd do much good at this point.

Take care, man. I know you will! =D
 
First of all I have to say one thing. If you're in school, financially dependent on your parents (or other family members) and think that coming out to them has a reasonable chance of causing that financial support to disappear or be reduced, don't come out to them. It's your future we're talking about and honestly in most cases it's just a couple of years of evading questions from the fam. Yes, it sucks but sometimes you have to prioritize.

If you do lose that support, there are still options. All you need to do is go talk to your adviser, or Financial Aid Officer or whatever, and ask them what you can do to get yourself declared independent from your parents.

When you do that, they can no longer claim you on their taxes, and you are no longer expected to receive any support from them financially. At that point, the fact that you're working a "good job for a 19 year old" will make the government, and potentially your school, step up and give you some serious aid.

Sorry, but the above is generally not true, at least not in the United States. In the government's eyes, your parents are responsible for contributing to the financial support of your eduction until one of the following occurs:

- You turn 26. Note 26 is not 18 or 21.
- You get married (to a woman since the feds don't recognize gay marriage even in places like Massachusetts).
- You join the military.
- You have dependents (i.e., you have a kid).
- You are a ward of the court (i.e., your parents are dead or were stripped of their parental rights over you by the state and you have no other legal guardian).

Until that happens your parents' financial situation will be considered for all federal financial aid awarded to you, regardless if they're actually supporting you or not. That goes for work study, most kinds of student loans and Pell grants. Moreover, many universities use the expected family contribution number determined by the federal government through filing your FAFSA to determine other aid.

Virtually all universities allow you to file for an exception or otherwise petition for unusual circumstances, but there are no guarantees. They're under absolutely no obligation to help you or recognize your situation. The burden is on you to prove to them that your financial situation is either very, very bad or has changed substantially since you began your studies. The funding for such aid has to come from other sources besides the federal government, which is generally harder to come by. Unless one of those conditions I listed above is met, the federal government will not consider you independent of your parents for financial aid purposes.

It doesn't matter if you're not a dependent for tax purposes. That's a completely separate determination that does not affect financial aid actually, although it does affect who's allowed to take educational tax credits and deductions.
 
Hey CoutureFuck, I think it's the hardest when your family makes harsh comments about gays. If you were about to come out, those comments stop you in your tracks. I don't think any of us regret being gay, it's just the way we are, just like we can't change our racial heritage. But still, if we were straight, that's one less thing to worry about. I see that's extremely difficult for you to come out because of all that comes with it. You feel your whole life depends on it. At 21, I stil haven't come out to my parents, and I feel it's more awkward for me because I'm an only child. And on top of that, my mom only has one brother and he's middleaged with no kids. Plenty of only children come out to their parents, but it's still really tough. But enough about me, I think you should come out when you've established yourself...if it's that much of a risk. That's my word, ya heard!
 
If you are not ready, you are not ready.
Listen to your heart.
There will never be a good time, but one may
be best for you,

you will know when that is,
and you will stand up,
and you may feel hurt,
for families always need time to catch up.
Shep+
 
Unfortunately, I am in this situation as well. My plan is to finish college and establish a life outside my family before I tell them the great news. When I type this, I'm thinking about how we are taking advantage of their funds. But then I think they have no problem paying my funds if I was straight, so screw them if they cut us off because we like cock...haha
 
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