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rmfnb24

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Plecsnt say for sjrdon't judge. I have been with my Fiancé for four years now. In the past he would jerk off with guys online and it really bothered me. We talked about it, he said it would stop. I have always worried about him jerking off, and it reverting back to what happened in the past.

I can't say for sure he's even jerking off, he's on anti depressants, and I know they kill your sex drive.

He texted me some pics of his cock hard, but said he did not jerk off. I actually physically feel I'll anytime I think he may be getting off without me. I honestly don't know what to do in order to get over what ever this fear or issue is.

Does anyone have advice.
 
This isn't intended to be a judgment but the issue that is going to cause the most problems in this situation is not your fiance's cheating. The problem is your jealousy and insecurity.

Just because you're in a relationship with someone, it doesn't give you ownership of their body or their sexuality. The decision about whether the two of you have an open or closed (or something in between) relationship is one that you both make together.

But this isn't about his past behavior or anything that he's doing now, it's about your fears and your anxiety and your feelings of insecurity. The question is whether you will be able to let go of this fear and trust your fiance or whether this anxiety is going to impact your relationship with him. It may take some counseling for the two of you to work through this.
 
When you say he jerked off with other guys online, do you mean c2c, skype sex? I guess I make a distinction between masturbation to porn and masturbation with another live person, even if it is only on webcam. The latter seems like a slippery slope to something more.
As to your partner getting off without you, you might just need to realize that all guys like their own dicks and how they feel in their own hands. Some guys need this alone time more than others. As long as it is not interfering with your sex life together, you shouldn't view it as a threat and you should get over the jealousy of it.

Maybe he likes to jerk off more than you do. Why not do it with him?
 
I'm just throwing this out there, but perhaps he jerks off (either to porn or to other guys on live cam) because that's his way of preventing himself from cheating. If he gets the urge to do something with another guy, maybe jerking it is a way for him to fulfill that urge without actually cheating on you physically with another guy.

If that is actually the case (or no matter if it is or not), just as sixthson wrote, as long as that doesn't interfere with your sex life together, I would try to not worry about it so much.

I was in a relationship with someone with a very high sex drive, and I would feel uncomfortable when he would jerk himself while both of us were home. When I was away, no big deal, but if I was there, I wanted him to get off with me. But I guess some people need to take care of things on their own. As long as you two still do things together, I wouldn't worry about it. Compromise and balance (and TRUST) is key in this situation.

Good luck!
 
Never try to fit a square into a circle...

Translation...if you want him to be someone other than who he is...you will lose him anyway (and lose part of yourself as well because the descent into insecurity may leave you unrecognizable).

So...ask yourself some tough questions...it is the only way out

For instance...

WHY exactly do you need him to stop?

Are you ever attracted to other men?

If so...does it bother you?

Those are just some starter questions...the questions you ask yourself are the best ones....

Good Luck!
 
I don't understand why you're worried about him masturbating. I wouldn't like it if he were camming with someone but if it's just him and some porn you really are over reacting. Most guys need some alone time for a little self pleasure. I'd love it if the guy I'm dating would send me naked pics. If you keep pressuring him over this you're going to push him away. Give him some space and enjoy the pics.

Steven
 
Most guys will need some time to fly solo whether they are in a relationship or not. You can talk to him about how it makes you feel uncomfortable but repeatedly pushing him too hard may end up pushing him away. Masturbation (alone) shouldn't be considered cheating. It could be a lot worse. Relish in the fact that he rather takes care of business himself instead of with another guy.
 
They only person I can control is myself. If I don't like what my husband does I can ask him to stop. If he doesn't I have the option to change my opinion or to ask for a compromise or leave.
 
rmfnb24 said:
Plecsnt say for sjrdon't judge. I have been with my Fiancé for four years now. In the past he would jerk off with guys online and it really bothered me. We talked about it, he said it would stop. I have always worried about him jerking off, and it reverting back to what happened in the past.

I can't say for sure he's even jerking off, he's on anti depressants, and I know they kill your sex drive.

He texted me some pics of his cock hard, but said he did not jerk off. I actually physically feel I'll anytime I think he may be getting off without me. I honestly don't know what to do in order to get over what ever this fear or issue is.

Does anyone have advice.
Click to expand...

Hey buddy, he may be your fiancé, but he's not your property. You don't own his body.
 
You don't own his body but at the same time, you need to ask HIM not us why he feels the need to jack-off on cam and not have "fun" with you. To me, that is the more alarming thing.
 
Listen guys and girls who get mad at their bfs jacking off shouldn't. Just because they like jackin it doesn't mean they dont like you. My bf and I jack off all the time separately and I think its fine, sometimes you just need self relief and honestly jacking off feels better than the real thing sometimes. Don't get down on him for jackin it, thats like not letting him do something he likes to do, you can't just change people like that. i can see how it could feel wrong to you and that he doesn't like you but i assure you that isn't the case at all! best of luck :)
 
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