The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Getting over a break up suggestion and timing.

joshson

joshson

On the Prowl
Joined
Sep 8, 2005
Posts
122
Reaction score
2
Points
0
Location
Edinburgh
I need some assistance. I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years, 10 months and 2 week. I could probably tell the day and time if I thought about it enough. He broke up with me because over the time, I've repeated made some thoughtless mistakes. I've kind of reached the end of whatever I was going through, realized it was unhealthy for the relationship and really didn't want to lose him. But he can't stay we me for various reason and I respect that. So, I stopped pestering him for a reconciliation.

My question is what length of time should a person like me take to move on?

Vitals: 26, never really been single since I was 18. Been gay completely since 19. I am madly in love with my recent ex and haven't fully accepted it is over. To add insult to injury I moved to Europe from the UK where we lived together on an exchange for my last year of university. So we're physically apart too. Personally, I don't want to move on. But I really think it is over, as partners atleast. We still talk and are working on the friendship that already existed.

Months, weeks, days. Is there some type of ratio to the time you were together to the time you move on?
 
Took me about 3yrs to get over a 13 year relationship... I wish you better/shorter luck.

IMHO -- staying 'friends' will make it worse for YOU.
 
>>>Is there some type of ratio to the time you were together to the time you move on?

Nope.

I've known people who get over decades-long relationships instantly, and people who moon over weeklong relationships for years.

Don't worry about "timeframe". Just worry about now. Go live your life. Let yourself feel bad if you do. You'll eventually move on.

Lex
 
First of all, I feel your pain - I really do. I have been there a couple of times. One of my relationships was over after 5 years and that happened 7 years ago. Am I over that one now? Hell yes ... but it did take me over a year to finally start feeling fine about it.

This breakup is too fresh for you to even understand the fact that time heals all wounds. You will get over this in time, definitely give yourself some space and breathe. No need for you to rebound into another relationship anytime soon. Don't allow yourself to start believing that you are now less desirable for another relationship. Based on the age you started the relationship and your age now, I think it's time for you to focus on yourself. There is no set timeline for anyone to move on. My advice is to avoid situations in the near future that encourage you to enter a new relationship. You don't want to do that without first feeling like you're getting over this old one.

As far as friends with the ex go, SantaCBear is right - don't do it if you can help it. It's extremely hard to do because the vestiges of the past relationship between the two of you always rears itself in some shape or form and interferes with the friendship. As much as it hurts to hear, you need to say goodbye for now - cut off communication for a while and start healing. And I'm not talking for a few days or weeks, I'm talking at least 6-8 months or more. Yes, it takes that long.

You're not the first and certainly not the last to go through this -- it's not clear now, but later you'll see things DO get better -- Good luck to you!
 
I don't think one really gets over a true love.

But with time, one can cope with the residual feelings.

After 5 years, I wouldn't expect to feel better any time soon, sorry.

But right now is your time. It's time to lick your wounds and continue on with life, as best as possible.

You'll feel down, that's for sure. Embrace the feeling, cry if you need, then pick yourself up and go on until the next low point.

mwah
 
I think its just a fact of knowing when your ready, you just kinda feel it. Dont rush things, but dont put things off either.

As it has been said already, some people breake up from relationships that last years, but get over it in a few days, others have relationships that last days, but take ages to get over it, there is no set time, you'll just have to wait untill you feel like dating again.
 
No formula on when you will get over it. You seem to be blaming yourself for the break up, but understand it's rarely the fault of just one person. Do your best to stay busy and pretty soon you will be over it. Since he was the one who decided to leave, expect him to move on much quicker than you will.
 
Thank you everyone. You're help has been useful. I do blame myself for the majority of the relationship breakdown, but that isn't a true reflection of the relationship. I wasn't getting what I needed from him for a while. But I was happy and in love none the less. What I was getting seemed to suffice; I guess in hindsight it wasn't enough.

Josh
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top