Getting over a crush, but how?

[Minimike20]

Good Morning Guys

I made a post a few months ago about a straight guy I liked, and suspected was gay. At that point I decided to ignore my feelings and leave it at that and for some time that has suited me perfectly.

Lately though I simply do not know what to do. Him being gay or straight is irrelevant here, the issue is that I seem to have developed a really solid crush on him and he is out of bounds irrespective.

I have been having dreams about him (not those dreams boys) and I wake up thinking of him. He makes my day job a pleasure and I have become complacent, I enjoy him from a personality and looks point of view.....

So I dont care if he is straight or gay because to me he is 100% off limits, even if he made a move on me tomorrow I will have to decline from a friendship stand-point.

So, how do you get over a crush which clearly will never be more than just that, a crush.

Mike

 

[nycguydowntown]

I usually just crush on str guys---so, after a little time passes--- I just move on to my next str guy crush.

 

[Durango95]

I am curious as to why you say he is out of bounds no matter what. Oh well that is your business. Crushes are one of those phenomenon that just cannot be explained. I mean it is what it is. The feelings are very real for the one feeling them. If it goes to the point of fantasy then it is compounded. It becomes part of you sex life in a manner of speaking.

Here's the kicker. You never get over crushes. They just evolve into something else. The feelings become less intense. Then you are on to something else. You may want to ask yourself, why this particular guy. I am a firm believer that you really don't get to choose who you fall for. I mean it just happens. Crushes aren't really love though.

What I am saying is there some sort of trigger. I had a type. The straighter the guy was or appeared the more I fantasized about him. I mean if he was a known womanizer, I was totally fascinated and thralled by him.

As a result I tried very hard to refrain from hanging out with the "trigger" guys too much. I didn't always succeed but once I sort of knew I had the option.

 

[Minimike20]

He is out of bounds for several reasons... The first being he has a GF who he is clearly very in love with for three years, the second being that I have partially made a move on him and whilst he didnt stop me it just didnt feel right and the third is that a month after almost making a move on him I employed him to work for my company.

In order to satisfy myself I would need to ruin my friendship with him, break up his happy relationship and lose the best part of my day at work so yes he is off limits, out of bounds.

I suppose I will just need to get over it.

Mike

 

[njcollegekid]

spend more time with him.
ive noticed that after i know someone for a while in a non-sexual relationship, i am no longer capable of seeing them in a sexual way.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

crushes are kinda fun sometimes, but when you cross the line to infatuation/obsession, that's when it starts getting scary.

I've had more then my share of infatuation/obsession crushes on straight guys in past jobs, and they NEVER end well. I was fortunate enough to internalize them enough so they never knew, and think of all the time wasted on something you can never have!

Spend your time hanging out with gay guys. There's no sense in torturing yourself.

 

[Durango95]

He is out of bounds for several reasons... The first being he has a GF who he is clearly very in love with for three years, the second being that I have partially made a move on him and whilst he didnt stop me it just didnt feel right and the third is that a month after almost making a move on him I employed him to work for my company.

In order to satisfy myself I would need to ruin my friendship with him, break up his happy relationship and lose the best part of my day at work so yes he is off limits, out of bounds.

I suppose I will just need to get over it.

Mike

Well Mike you didn't say any of that in your prior post. I agree with you. Pursuing this guy would bring nothing but grief. You need to put this in perspective and deal with it. So you really like the guy and fantasize about him from time to time. Keep it to yourself. Things will get better. Here's a suggestion. Read "The Sun also Rises". I think you'll find the themes very familiar.

 

[Illmatic]

Had a crush on my boss for over a year, which made me crazy, and like 2 months ago he was transfered to another company . It was very hard but I was happy with it that I finally could never see him again. Im still having fantasies/thoughts about him daily which frustrates me but I guess you just have to deal with it and hope that it is going over and just forget about it. We told each other to meet sometime again in a couple months but I think I can better not do that
It is hard but its part of life, I guess.

 

[Ninjato]

I think working with him will make it harder. There's a guy in my building that I have a crush on. I would see him in the hallways sometimes. I saw him on Grindr/Jack'd but I never messaged him and I ran into him in West Hollywood and that's when I finally had the guts to talk to him. We had a couple small conversations when we saw each other in the building and I kind of asked him out. It was more of a group hangout since I knew he would be there with his friends and I would be there with my friends but I didn't see him there. Anyway, I don't think of him often but I'm sometimes hopeful that I'll run into him. If he worked with me though, that would totally mess me up.

You said that you would lose the highlight of your day which I'm guessing is seeing him so working with him is not going to help you get over him. The best way to get over him is if you start seeing/hanging out with him less or find someone you like more. I feel like you might make a move sooner or later because you're not fully sure that he's straight. When a couple breaks up and one of them is still into the other person, they can't get over them by still seeing them.

 

[SaskGuy]

In my experience, the only way to get over a crush is to just ride it out. It also helps if you don't see this person anymore. I know it's hard having a crush on someone who could never like you in the same way.

A number of years ago, I had a major crush on a co-worker I had at the time. We became pretty good friends, and after he got fired, we hung out all the time. I really liked him, and looking back, I'm sure I made it a little bit too obvious.
He was probably the best friend I ever had, and I know that if I came out to him then, he would have been the only friend who would accept me. Even though he didn't know I was gay (or perhaps maybe he figured out I was gay?), he made it clear on a few occasions that he has no problem with homosexuality, and he supports gay rights. At the time, it was just so foreign to me (and very refreshing) to actually know a person who isn't a huge homophobe (I know he was straight though, he had a few girlfriends while I knew him, and would always tell me about his weekend "adventures" at work the following Monday hehe).
Unfortunately, he moved to Manitoba, and I haven't seen him since. He travels a lot though, and has lived in a lot of different places his whole life, for some new experiences... so maybe someday he might find himself back in my city?

 

[chace1617]

well i broke up 3 months ago and still hurts. he dumbed me for someone else just cause ''he couldn't be in a long distance relationship since we lived in different cities'' so he found someone else more convinient, living in the same city as him... i was so very in love with him and my heart was broken... i did anything i could to forget him. thinking about him with the other guy makes me sick. i don't think there is something you can do except not seeing him. time helps a lot... as time goes by your pain goes away. it really helped me deleting him and his friends from facebook cause seeing how happy he is with his friends and boyfriend was devastating... it's a very difficult situation though...

 

[Minimike20]

Thanks for the great replies guys.

I am not a social person, I dont enjoy clubs and I hardly see my friends as I work all the time to afford to live... Literally some days from 6 to 9pm at night depending on how busy we are... I love what I do for a living but he is the perfect mix of non-serious and cool which I need else I get too serious.

He is just a awesome guy to have around, and I have told him that.

What is great is he is open minded about me being gay, we joke about it all the time and I have no issues at all with it. And just to clarify, I dont enjoy working with him cos of his looks, he is stunning but its not that I like, its who he is.

I would never make a move on him, I also would never try make him be something he isnt, I accept he is straight even if I have my doubts but who am I to question the integrity of his sexuality...

Not seeing him is not an option, but I suspect maybe I should go meet some other guys to hang with and appreciate.

Thanks again guys.

Mike

 

[gourami]

Yea it sucks. I've got a huge crush on one of my straight friends. I think it's borderline obsessive b/c I am always thinking about him. It seems like he is the greatest guy in the world and anyone else I'll just have to settle for.

 

[youngnihilist]

The only way to get over a man is under another one.

 

[TX-Beau]

How do you get over a crush?

time and.............................................................DISTANCE

Then you go find a guy you can actually have. Though it sounds like you don't have a crush, you have an obsession - and hiring him was a bad move.

 

[Minimike20]

Nah not an obsession. Because I know what that feels like.

I think its just that when my ex cheated on me he was the dude who kept my spirits up and even with the business he still does.

I wonder if this isnt even a crush, just a deep respect and care I have for a good mate.

Mike

 

[TX-Beau]

hmmmm, you know you best, but if this is just, "a deep respect and care I have for a good mate" why make a thread about it?