Getting Over??

[GBirdie]

Hi there,

Maybe some of you have been through this before... so I just wanted some advice...

Well, I've came out to a couple of friends in my class... and they're all cool with it, some of the girls kinda find it interesting even....

Anyway... I think I really falling for a friend of mine.... one of my close friends. He knows I'm gay, but the problem is.... he's totally straight.... to the max, if you get what I mean.... I don't know if he's homophobic... but he's kinda uncomfortable with these topics..... And me, I think I really can't control myself. To me, he's totally HOT!! I really.... could I say... Love, him... if there's any favour I could do for him, I'd gladly do it, without question.

But the problem is.... I'm falling in love with someone I'm 100% sure I can't get.... I'm almost dead sure that he's perfectly straight, and I'm definitely not gonna get anything out of him even by fooling with him, in fact, I might even lose him as a friend if I try anything funny.


Sometimes, I just feel so lost and I'm kinda desperate for a partner.... or a relationship, so to say... to share everything.... with someone.... I wish it could be that friend of mine (which is impossible)..... and I'm trying to get over him.... but recently, just when I thought I'd gotten over him.... I realised nothing had changed since before. I was still crazy over him, thinking about him day and night.


Guys.... what should I do??

 

[SilverRRCloud]

This is as simple and as difficult as it really gets.

Leave your 'super str8?' friend to his GFs. He is into different equipment, as the saying goes.

Start dating and find yourself a BF.

Millions of other dudes have done it. You can do it, too.

SC

 

[GBirdie]

Haha.... well, yea, I'm trying to do just that.... its just that, its so hard to get over things.

And over here where I'm living.... its even harder to find someone who's gay.... either there's none of them, or their practically in the closet... So even though sometimes I DO actually find someone whom I may have interest in.... but getting to know them and finding out whether he's my type, and into guys.... is a whole new thing....

Btw, thanks for the replies.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Dude,

Get prepared to cope with more baggage as you go through your life.

Married types and weirdos of all kinds are by means not confined to Yahoo chat rooms alone. Trust me, they are absolutely everywhere and frankly, I have yet to meet a dude, who is completely baggage-free.

So, yeah, learn to cope with the inevitabilities of life and network, wherever and whenever you can. You'll be surprised at the results.

SC

 

[sometimes]

You have to get your mind off him somehow, and please dont bring him up to whoever you are dating. I have known too many men who have driven away perfectly good relationships because they keep obessing over some straight friend of theirs. Nip it in the bud early, or you might find yourself so infatuated with a straight guy that you compare them to all other gays guys (and the gay guys wont add up in your mind). Really, i have seen this many times before and you have to somehow get over him quickly. dont even fantasize over him, and whatever you do, dont try to think that any little thing he does is a subtle way of him coming on to you. just try to make it clear in your head that he will only just be your friend, and that he has as much of a chance of "changing teams" as you do. dont try to push him, respect his boundaries, and also please dont tell him about your feelings unless you want to risk the friendship altogether. again, there are just too many stories like this on this website, learn from others mistakes and take the advice.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey GB,

You don't have to get over him. You don't have to push him away nor do you have to get him out of your life.

Your post shows a guy with pretty great morals and values... and one who knows consequences and right from wrong. Be extremely proud mate of those things... they are rare and make you a special person.

We cant help who we love... or who we fall for. You think a lot of this guy, and thats great. But you also know where you stand. And where he stands. He is a close friend... its easy to fall for someone you trust and feel close to.

Your emotions and desire to be loved and cherished, to have someone to share things with and feel safe with are just so normal and natural. And for now because of your freindship and closeness with this guy he seems like your logical partner. But you know he's not. You know that things cant change and the risks involved. You know whats right and wrong and thats what stands you apart. Thats what makes you a good friend and will ultimately make you a brilliant partner for the right guy.

Ask yourself a few questions GB...

Why do you feel the way you do?
What are the emotions that this guy stirs in you?
Do you want him in particular or do you want a partner?
If you could find a partner and still have this guy in your life would you have the best of both worlds?
Do you think that a person exists that can stir those same feelings that you haven't met yet?
Do you think that someone exists who you could fall in love with and be blissfully happy with that is gay?

Sometimes we have to force ourselves to disengage our emotions and look at things logically. This guy right now is the closest thing in your life to the partner that you want. But hes not and to your credit you know that. You know that to have him in your life as the friend he is is far more valuable then losing him altogether.

Take heart from the fact that he exists. So therefore does your Mr Right. Its as simple as saying if I find him attractive then I'll find someone else attractive. Someone else exists that fits me in every way.

GB... it will happen. You will find the right guy... thats a promise. You might have to look a little further or harder... you might have to take some chances... or he might bump into you tomorrow. Open your mind and your eyes to the possibilities that might be passing you by as you focus on the friend you cant have instead of what might be right in front of you.

In the meantime, cherish your friend. Love him as a friend. Accept how you feel... you cant change it... but use it and him as a reminder that love exists and happiness will be yours. Maybe not right now, but your friend is proof that in life all things are possible. In time the best of both worlds will be yours...

 

[GBirdie]

Thanks for all the advice guys...

And just to let you know my answers to the questions:

Ask yourself a few questions GB...

Why do you feel the way you do?
What are the emotions that this guy stirs in you?
Do you want him in particular or do you want a partner?
If you could find a partner and still have this guy in your life would you have the best of both worlds?
Do you think that a person exists that can stir those same feelings that you haven't met yet?
Do you think that someone exists who you could fall in love with and be blissfully happy with that is gay?

Why?... honestly, I'm not sure... I don't know.... yet...
He basically stirs everything in me.... admiration, jealousy, love.... and a lot more unexplainable feelings....
I'm not sure about this.... but I think, maybe I just need a partner...
Yes, almost definitely.
Yes
Yes
Yes... but he might be a little hard to find I'd say...


I've also known a few stories like cases that sometimes mentioned.... thanks for the info btw... its just that.... its kinda hard to get over these feelings...

Just so you people know a little more. There ARE a couple more guys whom I seem to like... and I wish I could get to know them better, its just that time doesn't allow it, and I'm also messed up about how I should start about. And the most uncertain thing about it is whether they're gay.... (as I said before, its hard to find one in my country)