Girlfriend Threatening To Tell Family :(!!!

[justsimon]

Your ex is being childish, but you're not exactly being an adult about this either. It would probably be a good idea to talk to her in person, but don't take her out. This is a breakup, not a date. Public breakups are cowardly.

Also, I don't understand how men can still think it's shameful to cry. Real men cry and feel okay about doing it. You're dealing with a difficult situation and leaving a girl you probably care for. It's reasonable to be emotional.

 

[theplayerking]

Why did you combine coming out and breaking up with your GF? And over the phone? That's a lot of drama to process all at once. She'll probably calm down, but I'm not surprised she had an extreme reaction. If you were crying it sounds like you need a friend or a therapist. You can't expect her to help you through this.

On the other hand, if she tells your family, you have to tell them the truth. Maybe not all of the dirty details, but you really shouldn't lie to them. Maybe say you're "questioning."

Some day you'll want to come out to them as well, and it'll be much more difficult (and humiliating) you've been actively lying to them for years.

 

[Rolyo85]

I disagree with the last. Yes, I also think you should tell them if she tries to do it herself, and be honest, BUT I don't think that lying to parents about sexuality is in any way humiliating.

They are making us do it when they show us how little acceptance they are prepared to give. There are very few parents who can be totally fine with their son being gay right off the bat. For most of them - even caring intelligent people - it takes a while, and before they know, they inadvertently let you know how much it will suck for both you and them if you're gay.

So yes, you are free to lie to your heart's content for as long as you feel the need. And when you come out, and they ask you "why didn't you tell us earlier/why did you lie to us?", you look at them proud and say "because you didn't make me feel safe to come out". It is your life and you owe explanations to absolutely no one.

 

[mbamike]

Go talk with her. Ask her why she wants to hang onto a gay guy that is not attracted to her.

 

[slnattak]

I'm sorry I just don't understand getting women involved, no matter how self-loathing one is about their homosexuality. Like all gay men, I've always hated being gay, but I knew not to get a girl involved. If I did that, it would be because I was curious about my own sexuality. It wouldn't be because I was in denial.

So that's what I don't understand. Maybe you are bisexual then? And a lot of guys will say how they had mindblowing sex with their girlfriends, but had this gay drama thing over their years. A 'Boy Crush' doesn't really make a gay man you know? I've seen straight guys drive themselves insane , thinking they are weak and gay cuz they fancy one of their male friends.

However, I'm usually attracted to guys who have been with girls before, because I have a straight guy fetish like a lot of shy white gay men. Like I will never be able to shake the society imprint that being straight and fucking girls makes you strong and wise and tough and kick-ass, and fucking guys makes you a lame-o weak retard. I try really hard every day but it just doesn't work. The mainstream gay community isn't even really helpful on this, they just sort of narcisistically nag at people.

Idk bro. It makes you attractive to me knowing you had a girlfriend like in a way you were normal and tried to be normal and not some narcissistic freak. I really hope you find a nice man that you're REALLY into. You deserve that...it's the best i can tell ya. I'm single now so maybe we can date haha that'd be hilarious. j/k...maybe. =p

 

[Rolyo85]

I find the term "normal" offensive. You know what the opposite of "normal" is? Also, realizing something is a dumb and false stereotype and still desperately clinging to it is a sickness that I will never completely understand...


Meanwhile, it's been a few days. How have things been progressing, ILoveGuys?

 

[slnattak]

Well, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you.

 

[djmigra]

You just pretty much summed up my life too.

I would go out partying with my friends and it would just come out. Like I wouldn't hit on anyone but yea, the urge to be with a guy was so bad. I'd go home, close turn off the lights, get underneath my covers with my laptop and jerk off to naked guys online till my balls were blue.

The day after I'd feel so guilty.

 

[MoltenRock III]

You just pretty much summed up my life too.

Guilt is the manifestation of a weak mind.

 

[rareboy]

I'm sorry I just don't understand getting women involved, no matter how self-loathing one is about their homosexuality. Like all (unfortunately self-loathing, maladjusted and/or closeted) gay men, I've always hated being gay, but I knew not to get a girl involved. If I did that, it would be because I was curious about my own sexuality. It wouldn't be because I was in denial.

Speak for yourself please. I've qualified your sentence with my own opinion based on experience with homosexuals in denial; I hope you don't mind.

I hesitate to make this an exchange between us in someone else's thread, but the potential harm to the OP and others who my be struggling with finally accepting themselves and just coming out may be too great not to do this.

I know that you are one of the posters who often comes looking for validation for your own inability to accept and love yourself for the person you are, but All gay men do not and have not hated being gay.

I feel so badly, that after all the time that you've been posting here and with all the positive and encouraging and empowering advice you've received from dozens of well adjusted homos, that you apparently have made no progress in your own struggles and unhappy journey in finding joy in your own skin.

Have you, as has been recommended on numerous occasions, talked through your anger and unhappiness with a real live professional counsellor? Have you made any progress at all in finding out why you struggle so much against being a homosexual?


I don't want the OP to think that he needs to add self-loathing to all his other issues just in order to make you feel better.

 

[Georgiadude]

Speak for yourself please. I've qualified your sentence with my own opinion based on experience with homosexuals in denial; I hope you don't mind.

I hesitate to make this an exchange between us in someone else's thread, but the potential harm to the OP and others who my be struggling with finally accepting themselves and just coming out may be too great not to do this.

I know that you are one of the posters who often comes looking for validation for your own inability to accept and love yourself for the person you are, but All gay men do not and have not hated being gay.

I feel so badly, that after all the time that you've been posting here and with all the positive and encouraging and empowering advice you've received from dozens of well adjusted homos, that you apparently have made no progress in your own struggles and unhappy journey in finding joy in your own skin.

Have you, as has been recommended on numerous occasions, talked through your anger and unhappiness with a real live professional counsellor? Have you made any progress at all in finding out why you struggle so much against being a homosexual?


I don't want the OP to think that he needs to add self-loathing to all his other issues just in order to make you feel better.

I second this opinion. I have NEVER hated the fact that I'm gay. In fact Im proud of who I am. I'm a kind, thoughtful person that happens to be gay. Why would I hate myself. Even before I came out I never hated myself for it. You may not like the fact that your gay but that's on you. Get used to it. You are who you are.

Steven.

 

[Ninja108]

WHat you choose to tell your family is up to you.
But allowing yourself to be blackmailed into staying into a relationship you don't want...is just asking for trouble.