Taz
JUB Addict
So over the past few months I've really come to terms with my sexuality. I'm gay and there's nothing that will change that. A lot of that is thanks to talking to other gay guys around here (I don't know any personally in real life) I dunno, it's just made me feel more comfortable with who I am.
So now thoughts of coming out are crossing my mind. It's kinda funny to look back. I know that if you had asked me if I was ready to come out six months ago I would have said, nope, never gonna happen. I'll grow up, marry some chick and live the average guy life.
Now I know that's not gonna happen. It's hard to let go of because it's so deeply ingrained in my psyche as what a guy is supposed to do.
So the situation is that I feel like I'm ready. I have the plan in my head. I have three best friends and I'm gonna tell them first, it's gonna sound stupid but:
No.1 He knows more about me than anyone else, possibly even my mum. I trust him unconditionally, as he does me.
No.2 This chick I just let loose with. when we get together its like we're a couple of giddy 15 year olds with a goon bag. She always has the most valuable advice for me.
No.3 My bro, I know the term is overused these day, but this guy is as close to a brother as I will ever have. He's always got my back and I'll always have his.
Now I know for sure that all 3 of these guys will accept me for who I am (I know I can't know for sure, but I know y'know?).
I plan on telling No.1 first, most likely over instant message as he lives in another state. But, every time I think of it, I just can't. I don't know whats stopping me, it doesn't feel like fear, it feels more mundane, it feels like if I tell him there is no going back.
I hate that I can't just say it. I hate that it has this much control over me. I hate that I feel this hateful about it.
I just need some courage, just need to hold my breath and jump in.
So now thoughts of coming out are crossing my mind. It's kinda funny to look back. I know that if you had asked me if I was ready to come out six months ago I would have said, nope, never gonna happen. I'll grow up, marry some chick and live the average guy life.
Now I know that's not gonna happen. It's hard to let go of because it's so deeply ingrained in my psyche as what a guy is supposed to do.
So the situation is that I feel like I'm ready. I have the plan in my head. I have three best friends and I'm gonna tell them first, it's gonna sound stupid but:
No.1 He knows more about me than anyone else, possibly even my mum. I trust him unconditionally, as he does me.
No.2 This chick I just let loose with. when we get together its like we're a couple of giddy 15 year olds with a goon bag. She always has the most valuable advice for me.
No.3 My bro, I know the term is overused these day, but this guy is as close to a brother as I will ever have. He's always got my back and I'll always have his.
Now I know for sure that all 3 of these guys will accept me for who I am (I know I can't know for sure, but I know y'know?).
I plan on telling No.1 first, most likely over instant message as he lives in another state. But, every time I think of it, I just can't. I don't know whats stopping me, it doesn't feel like fear, it feels more mundane, it feels like if I tell him there is no going back.
I hate that I can't just say it. I hate that it has this much control over me. I hate that I feel this hateful about it.
I just need some courage, just need to hold my breath and jump in.