GL - Archived Blog Posts

[GL]

Our friends think we're opposites
Falling in and out of love
They all said we'd never last
Still we manage to stay together
There's no easy explanation for it
But whenever there's a problem
We always work it out somehow
Work it out somehow

They said it wouldn't last
We had to prove them wrong
Cause I've learned in the past
That love will never do without you

Other guys have tried before
To replace you as my lover
Never did I have a doubt
Boy it's you I can't do without
I feel better when I have you near me
Cause no other love around
Has quite the same ooh ooh (ha ha ha!)
Like you do do do do babe

They said it wouldn't last
We had to prove them wrong
Cause I've learned in the past
That love will never do without you

-Janet Jackson

 

[GL]

Well, Friday’s come and gone. Now that I’ve had a couple of days to mull it over, I have to say that this past Friday has to be one of the most stressful days I can recall. But it’s a good kind of stress. At least I hope it was. As you may or may not know, I had two job interviews on that day. One that morning and another one that afternoon. I think I did all right on both of them. But with that first one I couldn’t help but feel that I could have been better prepared. The thing is, I had been preparing for it since they called me the week before. The second one was not quiet as stressful. But it was so good to get them both out of the way and done, and to go home. I felt like I was ‘on’ all day and by the time I got home I was mentally and physically exhausted. I took a couple of aspirin, loafed around for the afternoon and was in bed by around ten or eleven. Overall, I think I did all right. I don’t see either one of them as a being a ‘home run.’ Which is a good thing. The last couple of times I thought I had, I ended up not getting the job. So, I guess as soon as I here something I’ll let everyone know. Thanks everyone for all your support. Especially to you fellas who PM’ed with your well wishes. You guys really are the best.

 

[GL]

I've been listening to Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill this evening. This album was released in 1995 and when I first heard "You Oughta Know" I was hooked and bought the CD. But there was one song that really hit me when I first heard it. I guess it was so profound because in some way it mirrored my attitude, my thoughts and feelings at that time. Now, 10-11 years later every time I hear it, it brings up all these feelings and emotions.

Hand In My Pocket

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette
What it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign
I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby
What it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
What it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab...

 

[GL]

I found this the other day...

"Ode to Spot"

Felis catus is your taxonomic nomenclature:
an endothermic quadruped, carnivorous by nature.
Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses
contribute to your hunting skills and natural defenses.
I find myself intrigued by your subvocal oscillations,
a singular development of cat communications
that obviates your basic hedonistic predilection
for a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection.
A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents;
you would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance.
And when not being utilized to aid in locomotion,
it often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion.
O Spot, the complex levels of behavior you display
connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array.
And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend,
I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.

-Data

Ahh... I miss Lt. Commander Data.

 

[GL]

This one’s for all you kind folks who have been supportive in my efforts to avoid unemployment. It is official, I did not get either one of the two jobs I had interviewed for on 03/03. Either one of those two would have been a nice step up. But alas, it was not meant to be.

There was one nice bit of good news this week however. I was asked to stay in San Antonio and work here as opposed to transferring to Austin. This was a very welcome change as I had become very concerned about working in Austin on what was a lateral transfer. There would have been no increase or adjustment in my salary. The cost of living there is so much more than S.A. In fact, it really would have bordered on a hardship if I went through with it.

As I’ve accepted the offer to remain here in town, I am now officially off the “chopping block” and am no longer in danger of being RIFed. I’ll keep looking for other opportunities to advance, however. After all, why sit back when there are so many interesting things to consider out there?

Anyhow, I want to thank each and every one of you for having been so kind to me when I was feeling down and for all your positive energy. It really does make a difference. Thanks.

 

[GL]

My all time, most favorite DMB song. Ever!

He wakes up in the morning
Does his teeth bite to eat and he's rolling
Never changes a thing
The week ends the week begins
She thinks, we look at each other
Wondering what the other is thinking
But we never say a thing
These crimes between us grow deeper
Goes to visit his mommy
She feeds him well his concerns
He forgets them
And remembers being small
Playing under the table and dreaming

Take these chances
Place them in a box until a quieter time
Lights down, you up and die
Driving in on this highway
All these cars and upon the sidewalk
People in every direction
No words exchanged
No time to exchange

And all the little ants are marching
Red and black antennas waving
They all do it the same
They all do it the same way

Candyman teasing the thoughts of a
Sweet tooth tortured by the weight loss
Programs cutting the corners
Loose end, loose end, cut, cut
On the fence, could not to offend
Cut, cut, cut, cut

Take these chances
Place them in a box until a quieter time
Lights down, you up and die

 

[GL]

Something interesting happened to me yesterday afternoon, something that has not happened to me in a good long while. I think one of the ladies in the office likes me. Gasp!

So there I was, filing away my work and munching on a cupcake I had received from one of my office mates with my back to the door and I hear a knock. I turn and there she is. One of the new faces that transferred in a month ago. I could be wrong, but I do believe she's around my age. Maybe a little younger.

She started to ask me about a mutual client and stopped when I put my hand to my mouth as I was still munching away on my cupcake. She apologized and by then I had swallowed my morsel. “No, no it’s all right.” I tell her. I answer her question and then she sort of lingers at the door for a second with this ‘wistful’ look on her face. She smiles at me, takes a step back from my door and walks away.

Hmm… It must have been my black shirt. Chicks dig my black shirt. And don't fret Brijan, you're still my sweet baboo.

Addendum! Would you believe it happened again? I'm filing away some work and munching on my chicken salad sandwich when she popped in my door. I tell her that she's got great timing. She's caught me twice with food on my mouth! She then tells me that that's because I'm supposed to share.

Hmm... Maybe it's not my black shirt after all. 04/24/06

 

[GL]

I think I need to take a break from work. Lately, every little thing has been pissing me off to no end. I’ve been cranky and sometimes just down right ornery. In case you didn’t know, I work in social services and my client base is primarily the elderly and the disabled. I’ve prided myself in the past on my ability to be very patient and understanding with my clients. Lately? I wish they would all just go away.

I used to feel so sorry for them. Now when they call with their sob stories and pleas for help, I get angry. My mind shifts into “Well what the hell do you want me to do about it?” It’s not their fault and so far I’ve managed to keep my trap shut and just go through the motions. But I have to tell you, that wall is beginning to crumble around me. I think it’s only a matter of time before I say something I’m bound to regret.

I should just take that break. I know that I still have some leave available to me, about 60 some odd hours. It’s at least enough to take a full week off. But I’m trying to hang on to it as there are a couple of events that I’ve made plans for. I guess I don’t know what I should do. I know I need to get the hell away from the office or I’m liable to blow my “O” ring, but then I think I should just try to push on through and hang on to the leave I do have.

I don’t know what I’m going to do.

 

[GL]

The Topic?
U.S. Presidents.

The Question?
Had he been born in Ancient Greece, his name would be Odysseus.

My answer?
Who is Rutherford B. Hayes!

Wouldn’t you know it, I was wrong? Rats!





Addendum: Rugby wins the official No-Prize for his correct answer, Ulysses S. Grant.

 

[GL]

I have to admit that these past two years at work have been a struggle. I’ve discussed my job situation here before. If you’re curious, feel free to look back through this blog.

I’ve been working with a cloud of uncertainty over my job throughout. We all did the work we’re asked to do knowing that many of us would be let go at some point when the State finally privatized our job duties. I’ve been working my butt off to keep up with the ever-increasing caseload, the longer hours and the wear and tear both physically and mentally.

This last week the State had sent out a memo to all staff saying that they were shelving the reduction in force and were in fact, going to have to add additional staff to cope with the continued failure of the private company who the state contracted with. Seems they still can’t seem to get their grand plan to work. More so, as the State continues to hemorrhage staff, they have implemented a retention bonus that will pay out in the summer and at the end of the year. Scuttlebutt has it that the contractor may get officially booted in the near future.

I guess we’ve won. I should feel happy and all. It’s just that I thought it would be… I don’t know, different. I feel so ambivalent about it all.

 

[GL]

Has our conscience shown?
Has the sweet breeze blown?
Has all the kindness gone?
Hope still lingers on.
I drink myself of newfound pity
Sitting alone in New York City
And I don't know why.

Are we listening
To hymns of offering?
Have we eyes to see
That love is gathering?
All the words that I've been reading
Have now started the act of bleeding
Into one.

So I walk up on high
And I step to the edge
To see my world below.
And I laugh at myself
While the tears roll down.
'Cause it's the world I know.
It's the world I know.

 

[GL]

This morning I finally came out to my parents. I wish I could say that it was amazing or in some way life affirming, but in reality it has left me with this massive pit in my stomach. The best way I can describe it is that I feel ‘empty’ at the moment.

My Mom thought I was joking at first and it took her a moment to realize that I was being serious. At first she kept saying “No you’re not.” Which gave way to “You just haven’t met the right girl” to “Are you sure?” Dad was pretty quiet throughout. Finally he just said that he had had his suspicions that I might be as I’ve never shown any interest in women.

Dad was sad as he thinks I would make a great husband and that I would be a fantastic father. I know he said that hoping that it might still happen, but with a woman. They finally told me that they loved me regardless of what I am as I was still their Number One Son. Believe me that makes a world of difference, but at the same time a big part of me wishes I hadn’t said anything at all. I can’t help but feel like I’ve let them down. I don’t know, hopefully this will all feel better and the empty feeling will go away.

 

[GL]

Yesterday I called my parents, as there was something I needed to run by them. We went over the business at hand, but we didn’t talk about this past weekend. I thought it best to let them say what they had to say if anything. In the end, they didn’t say anything at all. All we talked about was what needed to be cleared. The usual laughter and silly banter we share over the phone was completely absent. In fact, they sounded sad and tired for lack of a better set of words. They didn’t even tell me that they loved me as they usually do when we hang up. I guess they’re going to need some more time.

 

[GL]

I’m very excited to say that my little brother and his wife had a baby girl this morning around 8 am. I am now, officially speaking, an uncle! It will now be my mission in life to spoil this child with all the love I can bear.

And another thing, I was right all along! I knew, from the moment they told me that they were expecting, that it was going to be a girl. The Ring gave me an inkling that this was so. The Ring never lies.

 

[GL]

I'm feeling romantic for some odd reason. Anyone want to dance?

Fly me to the moon,
And let me play among the stars.
Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars.
In other words, hold my hand!
In other words, darling, kiss me.

Fill my heart with song,
and let me sing forever more.
You are all I long for, all I worship and adore.
In other words, please be true!
In other words, I love you!

 

[GL]

For anyone who may be interested, I’ve had a couple of conversations with my folks since I came out to them. I’m happy to say that we’ve been laughing and carrying on as we usually do. I realized this yesterday when I talked to them last. We were laughing about something my Dad said. I then told Mom that I went to see my Grandmother the other day at the nursing home and we laughed about something we remembered from back in the past. Something my Grandmother was fond of saying. The thing is, we were talking like we’ve done in the past and it was good.

To be honest, we’ve not spoken about my coming out since then. I do not know if they have or have not processed that bit of information. I wonder if I should broach this subject with them. Or maybe I should just allow them to come to me. I can only imagine that they would have some questions. Or perhaps they don’t. Could it be possible that they just accepted it all? Maybe I’m just thinking too much into all of this. Oh well. Like I said, I’m just glad that we’re laughing again.

 

[GL]

It’s raining outside. Thank God! It’s been so damn dry the last couple of months it was getting to be unbearable. But there it is. We were supposed to get some yesterday and in anticipation I got the few plants I own and stuck them out on the patio in the hopes they’d get good and wet. And what happened? Nothing. How typical. But it started to rain lightly over night and right now as I type this I can hear the rain hitting the landing outside my window. It really is one of the nicest things to hear.

'Twas just a garden in the rain,
close to a little leafy lane
a touch of colour 'neath skies of gray!

The raindrops kissed the flower beds
the blossoms raised their thirsty heads
a perfumed thank you they seem to say!

Surely here was charm beyond compare to view
maybe it was just that I was there
with you!

'Twas just a garden in the rain,
but then the sun came out again
and sent us happily on our way!

Surely here was charm beyond compare to view
but, maybe it was just that you were there dear,
you were so lovely!

'Twas just a garden in the rain,
but then the sun came out again
and sent us happily on our way!

Just a garden in the rain!

 

[GL]

This is still one of the coolest things in my book.

INTRO

Yes, yes... I know. I am the Uber Geek. Tell me something I don't already know.

 

[GL]

Yesterday I traveled to Houston to visit my brother and sister in law so that I could finally lay eyes on their baby girl, who is not quite three weeks old. I was just blown away. She is the cutest, prettiest little baby I’ve ever seen, and she’s my niece. As soon as I walked in, my brother put her in my arms and I was stolen away by her. All I wanted to do was just hold this precious little baby and stare into her sleeping face. They both remarked at how she seemed to be taken by me, as she got fussy when I gave her back to her mother to be changed. God, she’s adorable and I feel blessed to have this little one in my life. There is no doubt in my mind that she will be spoiled as I’ve made a personal promise that she will never be wanting for anything.

 

[GL]

Well, it’s been a week now since my friend signed off and went to France. I have to admit that I was taken by surprise at how much his departure would affect me. When he left I became profoundly depressed and I found myself worrying about him. How’s he doing? Is he all right? Apparently I can make the act of worrying an art form in of itself.

When he was here, we seemed to seek each other out whenever we signed on. It wasn’t uncommon to log in and get a PM within minutes asking me how my day went and had I seen this thread yet or had I seen what so and so posted. I did the same as well. In fact, clearing out my inbox here was something that had to be done pretty frequently because of our shooting PM’s back and forth.

For most of us, myself included, we work because it pays the bills. I’m happy for him because he is doing what he loves to do and gets paid for it. I just wish he didn’t have to go clear across the world to do it.

And it isn’t like we’ve stopped communicating with one another, but because circumstances being what they are he’s only able to fire off a few messages at a time. I guess I miss the near constant chatter we had come to enjoy. All the goofy jokes and laughter… something I miss even more now that I’ve been re-reading all those old messages. Now when I see his posts throughout the boards I’m saddened even more when I see that his little green light isn’t on.

So, one week later I’m doing better and I’m happy for my friend. But I sure do miss him.