GL - Archived Blog Posts

[GL]

Mood music...



It is complete now the two ends of time are neatly tied.
A one-way street, she's walking to the end of the line.
And there she meets the faces she keeps in her heart and mind.

They say 'good bye' Tomorrow, Wendy, you're going to die.
They say 'good bye' Tomorrow, Wendy, you're going to die.

Underneath the chilly gray November sky
We can make believe that Kennedy is still alive and
We're shooting for the moon and smiling Jackie's driving by and

They say 'good try'
Tomorrow Wendy's going to die.
Tomorrow Wendy's going to die.

I told the priest, don't count on any second coming.
God got his ass kicked the first time he came down here slumming.
He had the balls to come, the gall to die and then forgive us.
No, I don't wonder why, I wonder what he thought it would get us.
Hey, hey, good bye.
Tomorrow Wendy's going to die.

Hey, hey, good bye.
Tomorrow Wendy's going to die.
Tomorrow Wendy's going to die.

Hey, hey, good bye.
Tomorrow Wendy's going to die.
Tomorrow Wendy's going to die.

Only God says jump,
So I set the time
'Cause if he ever saw her
It was through these eyes of mine!
And if he ever suffered it was me who did his crying.

Hey hey, good bye.
Tomorrow Wendy's going to die
(Tomorrow Wendy's going to die)
Tomorrow Wendy's going to die
(Tomorrow Wendy's going to die)
Tomorrow Wendy's going to die

Hey, hey, good bye
Tomorrow Wendy's going to die

Hey, hey, good bye
Tomorrow Wendy's going to die
Tomorrow Wendy's going to die
Tomorrow Wendy's going to die

 

[GL]

World turns black and white
Pictures in an empty room
Your love starts fallin' down
Better change your tune
Yeah, you reach for the golden ring
Reach for the sky
Baby, just spread your wings

We'll get higher and higher
Straight up we'll climb
We'll get higher and higher
Leave it all behind

Run, run, run away
Like a train runnin' off the track
Got the truth bein' left behind
Falls between the cracks
Standin' on broken dreams
Never losin' sight, ah
Well just spread your wings

We'll get higher and higher
Straight up we'll climb
We'll get higher and higher
Leave it all behind

So baby dry your eyes
Save all the tears you've cried
Oh, that's what dreams are made of
'Cause we belong in a world that must be strong
Oh, that's what dreams are made of

Yeah, we'll get higher and higher
Straight up we'll climb
Higher and higher
Leave it all behind
Oh, we'll get higher and higher
Who knows what we'll find?

So baby dry your eyes
Save all the tears you've cried
Oh, that's what dreams are made of
Oh baby, we belong in a world that must be strong
Oh, that's what dreams are made of

And in the end on dreams we will depend
'Cause that's what love is made of

 

[GL]

This past weekend I was visiting my family for my nephew’s baptism. My gosh that kid is already big for 4 ½ months. The baptism was great and it was equally great to spend time with my whole family again as it is so difficult for all of us to get together nowadays.

This afternoon I meant to leave at a reasonable hour but sure enough we just got sidetracked. Not to mention I lost an hour and half today because the nephew thought sleeping on my chest, while I sat in the recliner was a good thing. All the while my brother wanted to BBQ and that is always a good thing in my book.

While we were outside getting the grill ready my aunt called my dad and told him that their youngest brother, my uncle was very ill. He’d been sick for a while but his blood pressure dropped today and it signaled that his heart was slowing down. There was a flurry of other phone calls to other members of the family and it was decided that mom and dad would go back home tomorrow morning and see my uncle.

As I was driving home tonight my mom called me to tell me that my uncle passed away around 9pm tonight. His heart just couldn’t keep up any longer and he slipped away. Obviously I’m sad and sorry that he’s gone because he was a really sweet and gentle man and very loved member of my family. But on the one hand I know he was suffering a great deal and because of that I’m glad he is no longer in pain. I will miss you Tio but I know you’re with God now.

Good night.

 

[GL]

ok, so there was this guy from bowling i mentioned in this here thread. it turns out he broke up because he had become 'the rebound.' i gave him a couple of weeks with the intent of asking him out at our end of summer dinner party, but he left before i could get to him. i expected that he would stay behind for the nine pin games.

for better or for worse i decided i didn't want to wait until we all met up again in mid-september for the fall league. especially since i waited too long the first time around. as i didn't have his number i messaged him on facebook last night and asked him out. since then he's been on fb and so far i've been ignored. i think its safe to say this one can go on my ever growing "fail" list.

dating sucks. or in my case the inability to secure a date sucks.

 

[GL]

For some time I have had a profile on match.com but until now I had never bothered to subscribe to their services. I was lucky enough to have a friend review my old profile and fine tune it in the hopes I might meet some interesting guys. I decided that I would try them out for a month and just see where it all went. One day into my subscription I got my first e-mail from another subscriber...

She was a 30 year old gal from Tucson.

What is it with me and straight women? Don't get me wrong, she was pretty and all but I wonder if she didn't see the part that said "Interested in men?"

 

[GL]

Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
Come on, Come on, Come on, now,
I hear you're feeling down.
Well, I can ease your pain
Get you on your feet again.
Relax.
I'll need some information first.
Just the basic facts.
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.
When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain, you would not understand
This is not how I am.

I have become comfortably numb.

O.K.
Just a little pin prick.
There'll be no more ...
But you may feel a little sick.
Can you stand up?
I do believe it's working, good.
That'll keep you going through the show
Come on it's time to go.

There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.
When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown,
The dream is gone.
but I have become comfortably numb.

 

[GL]

So here we are coming to the end of the year, Christmas is just around the corner and I find myself looking back at the ups and downs I’ve experienced. You know, the good times and the bad. This hasn’t been a great year for me by any stretch of the imagination and in fact there were times I was so disappointed and saddened that I wondered if things would ever get better.

The thing that strikes me now that I didn’t see then was that I had so much support. Not only from my family and friends but also that of my friends here at JUB. It amazes me how a disparate group of individuals from all walks of life can come here and forge a community. So if you are reading this, thank you. Thank you for being here and thank you for being a part of this little family we’re all a part of.

As I close this note to you I am reminded of Fred Scrooge from Dicken’s “A Christmas Carol” when he told Scrooge, “"But I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round - apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that - as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time: the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.”

I hope you will all take what Dicken's wrote by way of good Fred as food for thought. And I hope you will have a Very Merry Christmas and I wish you a Happy and Prosperous New Year.

-Dan

 

[GL]

I grabbed Chinese for lunch today and this was printed on my fortune cookie:

"You Will Discover New Frontiers"

How fitting! Out with the old and in with the new.

Happy New Year, 2010 to you!

 

[GL]

No, I don't know where I'm going
But, I sure know where I've been
Hanging on the promises
In songs of yesterday
An' I've made up my mind,
I ain't wasting no more time

here i go again, here i go again

Tho' I keep searching for an answer,
I never seem to find what I'm looking for
Oh Lord, I pray
You give me strength to carry on,
'Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams

An' here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known,
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time

I'm just another heart in need of rescue,
Waiting on love's sweet charity
An' I'm gonna hold on
For the rest of my days,
'Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams

An' here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known,
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind
I ain't wasting no more time

But, here I go again,
Here I go again,
Here I go again,
Here I go

'Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams

An' here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known,
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind,
I ain't wasting no more time

An' here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known,
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
'Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams

An' here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known,
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
Goin' down the only road I've ever known,

 

[GL]

Only one who is in pain really senses nothing but himself; pleasure does not enjoy itself but something beside itself. Pain is the only inner sense found by introspection which can rival in independence from experienced objects the self-evident certainty of logical and arithmetical reasoning. - Hannah Arendt



There's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same old thing as yesterday
There's a black cat caught in a high tree top
There's a flag-pole rag and the wind won't stop

I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain

There's a little black spot on the sun today
(That`s my soul up there)
It's the same old thing as yesterday
(That`s my soul up there)
There's a black cat caught in a high tree top
(That`s my soul up there)
There's a flag-pole rag and the wind won't stop
(That`s my soul up there)

I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain

There's a fossil that's trapped in a high cliff wall
(That`s my soul up there)
There's a dead salmon frozen in a waterfall
(That`s my soul up there)
There's a blue whale beached by a spring tide's ebb
(That`s my soul up there)
There's a butterfly trapped in a spider's web
(That`s my soul up there)

I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain

There's a king on a throne with his eyes torn out
There's a blind man looking for a shadow of doubt
There's a rich man sleeping on a golden bed
There's a skeleton choking on a crust of bread

King of pain

There's a red fox torn by a huntsman's pack
There's a black-winged gull with a broken back
There's a little black spot on the sun today
It's the same old thing as yesterday

I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain

King of pain
I'll always be king of pain
I'll always be king of pain

 

[GL]

How about getting off of these antibiotics
How about stopping eating when I'm filled up
How about them transparent dangling carrots
How about that ever elusive kudo

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

How about me not blaming you for everything
How about me enjoying the moment for once
How about how good it feels to finally forgive you
How about grieving it all one at a time

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

The moment I let go of it was
The moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it was
The moment I touched down

How about no longer being masochistic
How about remembering your divinity
How about unabashedly bawling your eyes out
How about not equating death with stopping

Thank you India
Thank you providence
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you nothingness
Thank you clarity
Thank you thank you silence

 

[GL]

I still get verklempt whenever I see this scene.

 

[GL]

Folks are hooking up, some are dating and some are even getting married.

There are guys I know who are barely out of the closet a month or two and they already have boyfriends?

I can’t get past a first date.

I seem to attract losers and deadbeats and because I’m a hopeless romantic I can’t tell the difference until I’m already far to interested for my own good.

I know I’m supposed to be happy for everyone but honestly?

I don’t give two shits anymore.

The world can go frak itself for all I care.

 

[GL]

After much consideration and deep thought over what I’m looking for in the dating world I rewrote my profile at Match . com. Apparently my profile was deemed offensive by the powers that be over there. Read on...

Hi there.

I’m a nice guy who is looking to make new friends. I’m hoping that new friends might lead to something more. To be honest I would like to find something a bit more than some random hookup. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy sex just as much as the next guy. But I’m at a point in my life where I want to meet someone who actually wants to “date.” It is a concept that I tend to think no one else is interested in but hey, that’s me.

What am I looking for? First let me say this, I am a fully realized guy who doesn’t need someone to “complete me.” That being said I would like to find someone who compliments me and I him. I’m looking for an honest, handsome sort of guy. Someone who is a gentleman by nature. Ideally he would be between 27 and 42. And just so you know, a great sense of humor goes a long way in my book. Hopefully he is someone who likes the idea of waking up on a Sunday morning with coffee and the newspaper in bed. I’m looking for a guy who loves to go to the movies, drive around with no destination in mind, who is willing to try new restaurants and enjoys quiet times in a museum.

In short, I’m looking for romance. I want to be swept off my feet. Who wouldn’t?

My specs are I am Latino, 5' 10" and weigh 225 lbs. I’m slightly hairy, somewhat on the stocky side, d/d free, non-smoker and a social drinker. I am a big geek at heart and love all things comic books, sci-fi and other associated hobbies. I love coffee, bowling, dining out, going to the movies and visiting with friends. I’m a dyed in the wool Spurs fan, Astros fan and now a Rampage fan. And I know this will piss some people off but the Cowboys are dead to me. I haven’t forgiven them for firing Tom Landry.

If any of this sparks an interest in you, please say hello and thanks for checking out my profile.

Inspirational Geeky Quotes-

"Live as one of them, Kal-El, to discover where your strength and your power are needed. Always hold in your heart the pride of your special heritage. They can be a great people, Kal-El, they wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way. For this reason above all, their capacity for good, I have sent them you... my only son." - Jor-El

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." ~Vulcan axiom

"A process cannot be understood by stopping it. Understanding must move with the flow of the process, must join it and flow with it." -The First Law of Mentat, quoted by Paul Atreides to the Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam

"I never eat in strange restaurants. One runs the risk of non-standard cutlery.... Three tines is not a fork. Three tines is a trident. Forks are for eating, tridents are for ruling the Seven Seas." -Sheldon Cooper

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” - Yoda

I got the following upon review of my new profile:

Dear XXXXXXXX,

Thank you for submitting your profile to Match . com.

Unfortunately, we have rejected the profile submission due to the inclusion of language we deem inappropriate for our member community. If you are serious in your attempt to find a mutual match on our site, please revise your profile text and resubmit it following the instructions listed below.

Seriously? There are no swear words, no cursing, nothing derogatory as best as I can tell. It was just me being honest in what I am looking for and in who I am as a person. And in fact I am offended with the “If you are serious...” garbage. Anyone that knows me knows my intent and my desire to not be alone. So what to do? Do I follow their instructions and reedit my submission?

I think not.

As I look back at my subscription I realize now that I have managed only one date in the six or seven months I have been a member. I think those results are either indicative of my inherit incompatibility with other gay men or they are just way the hell out of the curve.

Anyhow, I’m canceling my subscription and deleting my profile. There is nothing more to be gained by wasting my money with the digital equivalent of snake oil vendors and charlatans.

 

[GL]

I have really enjoyed getting to know you these last few months but with each passing day it gets harder and harder to put aside what I'm feeling. You're amazing and I'm not sure you even see it. I'm happy that we're friends but I knew I wanted more than just being friends. I really wish our walls might fall...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khvC1M14S1M

Take all your chances while you can
You never know when they'll pass you by
Like a sum the mathematician cannot solve
Like me trying my hardest to explain

It's all about your cries and kisses
Those first steps that I can't calculate
I need some more of you to take me over

Take me over

If I had the chance to start again
Then you would be the one I'd come and find
Like the poster of Berlin on my wall
Maybe there's a chance our walls might fall

It's all about your cries and kisses
Those first steps that I can't calculate
I need some more of you to take me over

It's all about your cries and kisses
Those first steps that I can't calculate
I need some more of you to take me over

I know I because I can't calculate

How to respect you
How to start again
How to start again
How to start again

It's all about you

 

[GL]

i'm beginning to think it may be time to take another break from this joint.

it just brings out the worst in me.

 

[GL]

If you're older than 40 I don't think you can classify yourself as a "boi."

Especially if I can see your crow's feet.

Sorry.

 

[GL]

I am fascinated by the short bio’s guys use on Grindr. It’s a short blurb that says little and sometimes a lot. To me it is an indicator as to what sort of guy sits behind that profile pic. To be certain there is an inordinate amount of douche-baggery on that app. You almost want to drill skulls with the amount of swelled heads there. Anyhow...

“For 99% of ppl here, u will get a friendly hi or hello but that’s it. Not perfect here but y’all ppl scare me.”

Don’t worry honey. You scare me too.

“Visiting. Have a picture. So far it looks like I’ll be using the block button quite a bit. This the dmv of Texas.”

Oh dear. Well don’t you fret none darling. I’ll block you for you. K? Buh-bye douchey-mac-do.

“If u don’t case a shadow u aren’t standing in the light. Opportunities r never lost - Someone will take the 1s u don’t.”

Hmm... I like what you say.

“Let’s chat! Looking to meet new friends! Please have a pic. Oh and if u don’t like me then block me!”

Yeah! I sorta want to add that last line to my own profile.

“PLEASE only chubby guys 280 +”

Damn it. Missed him by 65 pounds.

“Get over urself, looks fade. If the sky’s the limit, tell me wth am I walking on the moon???”

You know when your nose is that far up the stratosphere you need oxygen. Maybe that’s why he feels like he’s on the moon.

“Any nice guys left out there?”

No.

“Well whoopty-frickin-do. Got a man.”

Then what the fuck are you doing here? Shove off ya bastard and let us single guys catch a break.

“Happily partnered looking for NSA fun. This grindr not chatster not friendstr. Get off.”

Yeah, block.

“Unsolicited body part pics = automatic blocking.”

I rather enjoy getting the unsolicited body parts myself. Its like a big surprise!

“Focused, career oriented individual. Ultimately looking for ltr, but until then dating and cuddling are def on the agenda ”

Ditto. Especially the cuddling.

 

[GL]

Damn it.

Apparently I am a bridge. One that other gay men here in town seem to use to find someone else.

I was messaging with a friend this afternoon and I come to find out that a guy I went out with recently has found himself a boyfriend. We only went out a couple of times but as usual I liked him more than he liked me. I even got the “we should just be friends” line.

OK I know I’m not really a bridge but knowing I’m the last guy this fella went out with makes me think all matter of things. None of them good. Especially since I’ve been out for a few years now and I still can’t find anyone who likes me enough to want to be my boyfriend. It makes me feel like I’m damaged goods or something. That I’m somehow not worthy.

More than anything it makes me feel like a loser.

I can’t help but wonder what I’m doing wrong. You’d think in a city of 1.33 million people I’d find a boyfriend by now. You know, law of averages and all.

Shit. I guess I am a loser and a lonely one at that.

Anyhow I’m sure he’ll be happy.

At least someone’s happy.

 

[GL]

OMG, would someone please just kill me now? I have become the only single guy on my 4 man bowling team. Well, I have been for a couple of weeks already. One guy brings his partner with him every week and like a happy couple they behave like a happy couple. Then there's my fireman friend for whom I've grown to care a great deal more than I should have... After a summer of hanging out and whatnot he's cut me out completely because he's trying to get back together with his last boyfriend. And then there's the third guy who has begun dating a new fellow. He's swimming in that hearts and rainbows effect- every day there's an fb status update professing his love. This morning as I check my fb I find he's been dedicating love songs nearly all last night. I know I'm supposed to be happy for everybody but honestly right now I kind of want to vomit.