Going Back to where my ex lives...

[Pickwick]

Hi Guys,

It’s been a while. So I’m going to try to make it short. Two years and a half ago I used to live in Edinburgh, with my now ex boyfriend Claudio. I left him in September 2017, after two years and a half of relationship. At first i was completely sure of the reasons why I left him, even though it hurt a lot, and I’m still sure that we would not have been happy together, being two completely different people. But truth is I was still very attached to him and i still am to this day very fond of him. Problem is, he doesn’t want any communication between us. He doesn’t want to see me, talk to me or anything. I have been struggling a lot during those two years of celibacy, I left the UK one month after the breakup thinking I would try to get a new life in Paris where I’m from, but after two weeks of holidays in Gran Canaria I ended up not taking my plane back to Paris. I staid there for six month destroying myself with sex, drugs and alcohol, and when i say “destroying” I mean getting shit faced every single day and sleeping with pretty much any guy I met for six month straight for day one to the last ( I still don’t remember what happen on my first night over there). Well after six months i finally got the strength to get myself back together and go back to France. In the meantime I learnt he already had a new boyfriend (after three months) which broke my heart a bit more. But I went on with life, thanks to my cousin I started taking care of me, I stopped drugs and alcohol and even sex for a long time, I started running and seeing a therapist. Then I went back on studies I went back to Paris for a traineeship of six month in real estate (the main topic of my studies) and even though I had days where I would take alcohol and drugs its not been anything like it had been before. I’m still vigilant though. All that to say that IÂ’ve been avoiding going back to Edinburgh for two years even though I still have a lot of friends over there, my best friend from France even moved to the city two weeks after I left and still lives there and heÂ’s been asking me to pay him a visit ever since he moved in. The thing is Ive been terrified of the idea of bumping into my ex. Last week I finally booked a ticket. But I’m still terrified of meeting him in the street or while he is working (he is a tram ticket controller for TOE) and i don’t know how i would react if that happened. He is been very tough with me since the breakup and I’m scared he would be ice cold, just thinking about how much I suffer from him not wanting to remain friends makes me cry. I just don’t know what to do I can’t just not go and lose my tickets. And I don’t know what would happen if I don’t cross path with him. I think it would be even worst as Edinburgh is not a very big city and he works in the main transport... there I didn’t know where else to turn to...

 

[SeaCore]

I just want make sure I'm getting this right.
You broke up with your boyfriend, you wanted to remain friends but Claudio rejected that wanting to cut ties entirely, you've got a friend that lives where Claudio lived and there's a decent chance you could run into them, you've booked tickets to see your friend, and you don't want to see Claudio.
Do I understand the issue correctly?

 

[Pickwick]

It’s not that I don’t want to... I’m scared, he would be as cold as I know he can be... I know I broke his heart, and I know he has the right not to want to see me... but I’m very hurt by his rejection, and I don’t know if i could handle it in a face to face situation.

 

[KaraBulut]

Honestly, it sounds like you have some work to do on yourself. When you have your life more together, then you can work on fixing old relationships that you damaged and maybe, consider starting new ones.

 

[jaysizzles]

Face your fears. Go to Edinburgh and live your life. So what if you run into your ex and he is cold to you...you already expect it. I wouldn't seek him out or try to engage a conversation with him, but if you do happen to run into him and if after all this time he still chooses to be a bitch toward you, just walk away. It's his problem, not yours.

 

[Pickwick]

That’s what I’m gonna do. Thank you. I’m just gonna try not to care too much if that happens...

 

[mcbrion]

Face your fears. Go to Edinburgh and live your life. So what if you run into your ex and he is cold to you...you already expect it. I wouldn't seek him out or try to engage a conversation with him, but if you do happen to run into him and if after all this time he still chooses to be a bitch toward you, just walk away. It's his problem, not yours.

Actually, the ex is just showing healthy boundaries. He made it clear that "no contact" was what he wished, and it doesn't sound like he has broken his own request. He just doesn't want to be friend with the original poster, and neither of us knows what transpired between them. But when you break someone's heart, you must accept that they may not want you in their life. Sometimes this is a wise thing (abusive boyfriends, or lying/cheating or whatever). Sometimes not. That's part of becoming an adult: making choices and then living with them, even if they turn out differently than what you expected.