going from Boyfriend to Friend...

[boredman321]

I know, It seems impossible. But I really want it to work....

3 weeks ago, my boyfriend dumped me, right before finals! But I mustered through and came home and we talked. (we were about 2 hours apart). Now that I am home we are 10 minutes apart... and we hang out like everyday. We kiss each other hello and good bye most of the time, and have occasionally hooked up... I know this is bad, and it hurts me... but I can't help it. I still have feelings for him.

So the reason we broke up, is one that I understand. He says that he wants to be 21 and single, and just enjoy some freedom....

right now It feels like he has his cake (me) and hes eating it to (hitting on guys) ... rant over.

 

[altlover85]

I tried being friends with my ex, but it's recently fallen apart. There are things I like about him, but after reading some of his old emails, I was stunned that I put up with all his crap, so I feel some resentment towards him. Not to mention that I almost always initiate contact.

Anyway, it's possible to be friends with an ex, but not easy.

Good luck!

 

[benners]

I think you need to define what "it" is before you decide whether or not you want it to work.

That is, do you want friendship? Do you want to get back together? What do you want?

Personally, I think what you're ex-boyfriend is doing to you is wrong. I don't think it's fair for him to be "single" but keep you around as a back-up plan--which is what it sounds like he's doing. No one deserves that.

I hope that things work out the way that you want them to. Good luck! : )

 

[CHUCK905]

^^^ Agreed. The times it has worked for me (lovers -> friends) depended on a significant time apart so that all of the old feelings could die down on both sides. Then we could start up again on equal footing. Your situ doesn't sound too equal and in time you're going to wind up resenting him more.

 

[bokan800]

Are you sleeping with other guys too?

 

[MrEleven]

I'm going through the exact same thing man. It is difficult.

We broke up months ago, and I agree it feels like he "has his cake (me) and hes eating it too (hitting on guys)".

We just spent Christmas together...alone, and we are heading away for five days together to spend New Years...alone. It feels as though sometimes we are in a relationship, but we're not. I'm giivng him an emotional connection that he may want, while he can sleep with whoever he wants. I dont' know how I feel about it. It's not ideal, but I don't hate it either. Because I am also getting an emotional connection with someone I love, and I can also sleep around if I wanted.

I wish I could give you advice man, but really lost with all of this as well.

 

[NineOfClubs]

A few of my ex-s became friends and still are.

But we were NEVER at that stage three weeks after the breakup...

 

[KaraBulut]

It's fine to be friends with your ex... if things ended on a good note and the guy was someone that you would have had as a friend if you would not have been boyfriends.

right now It feels like he has his cake (me) and hes eating it to (hitting on guys) ...

Bingo.

Here's the problem:

It's an advantage for him to be your friend because he gets a friend and some dick every now and then without making a commitment.

It's an advantage for you because you get to hang on to the illusion that there's hope for the relationship because you spend time together and do all the stuff that you used to do. Call it "dating-lite".

The problem is that all the time you spend with him, all the kisses, all the sex and all the other stuff is time that you could be spending with a grown-up who is ready to make the kind of commitment you're looking for.

The decision is yours. If "dating-lite" is what you're satisfied with, then enjoy it for what it is. If you're the kind that wants a commitment and something beyond the convenience of ex-sex, then put an end to it and move on.

 

[HunterM]

You are harboring ill feelings toward him...because you don't have a plan to move on. Get over your jealousy in order for you to heal emotionally. Otherwise, it's like you're drinking poison (jealousy) and expect him to get sick. He's not going to get sick because he's moving forward in life. You're doing more harm to yourself than to him. You also enabled him "to have his cake and eat it too"...by sleeping with him (at your own free will) after the breakup. So you need to acknowedge your share of responsibility for his happiness and your emotional aches. Frankly, there's nothing wrong with that if you realized it's just a no string attached hookup and nothing more.

Start dating other people. Play the field. I guarantee this won't be the last breakup you had to endure either. Learn how to bounce back...how to manage it. The best revenge is to live a fulfilled life after the breakup. Find your own happiness. If you are in the position to hit on other guys and occasionally hook up with your ex, you will have your cake and eat it too!

So stop focusing on him. Start putting a plan together to move forward in life

BTW, you look hot (in your gallery). If you put yourself out there, I'm sure other guys will be hitting on you in no time

 

[Ninja108]

It is possible to remain friends with your exes...but three weeks after the breakup is still too raw for many.
I would advise that you stop sleeping with him. He is taking advantage of your feelings to get sex out of you while shopping around for others.
Take some time to sort your feelings out...and stop yourself from being used as a booty call.