going mad with lust

[bankside]

There is nothing shameful about finding someone attractive if you are not married to him or her. Having an erotic curiosity about someone else, or about a room full of people, is normal, healthy, and certainly not disloyal. Being able to imagine other people is part of a good marriage.

Especially to discover something fun like this at the age of 37 when you were least expecting is great! Go have a good wank over all the different ways you and he could have sex and enjoy every minute of it.

What you do with that fantasy beyond that DOES matter though. Maybe this is throwing you off because it is another guy and it did surprise you, but you know it can only be a fantasy at the moment, because those are the terms of your marriage.

How do I know that? If you and she signed up for an open marriage, you wouldn't be here asking us for advice. You'd be calling your wife and saying "Hey can you watch the kids tonight - Will asked me out!" or something like that and she'd say "Oh brilliant! - Sure thing, but be sure to be in on Friday, because Julia wants me over to help break in her new boyfriend." And you'd say "Oh? What's he like?" and she'd say "Spanish guy, Javier...dark hair, tight body, a bit on the short side, so... not really your type... but she and I are going to ride him until the sun comes up."

And that would be great, and everyone would have love, and loyalty, and fun all at the same time, and maybe that would be perfect. But that might not be necessary - it isn't the only way for a man to enjoy his sex life. You may just enjoy this as a great fantasy for a long time, and that fits perfectly within a conventional marriage. If you decide it can't stay just a fantasy any more, that you would be faking it and not bringing yourself 100% into your marriage unless you knew about this part of yourself, then you have to let her know before that happens.

Which is why the only advice that applies right now is:
"Hey, come round on the weekend and meet my wife, and we'll have a drink" and then everybody goes home, and that should be that. There are a million ways this could work out. The only thing that is not on the table is pursuing anything other than a friendship with this guy in a way that would surprise your wife.

 

[MarKo17]

Rather than disgust yourself, figure out if you still want a future with your wife.

You can fuck as many guys, or this one guy, as much as you want in your fantasy life. But don't worry about whether he suspects because you don't need to let that happen while you're a married man.

It's much safer to just stop thinking about him. Cheating is just not cool at all. It's unfair to your wife. If you have any sexual intent with this guy and ur going to deregard all of our warnings then you should divorce her immediately.

 

[attallaborn]

dude, stop living for other people. you are gay and have the hots for this guy. if you blow this, what your in your 30s, you may not get opportunities such in the future.

you're on a gay porn site, so you can't be all that straight, married and happy. the reason you ARE married is because your living for other people. if cheating on you're wife is keeping you from pursing this guy, then you're still living for other peopl (you're wife)

you will only be miserable if you keep this up. stop playing games and give in to the deep love you have for this guy..geeesh

 

[MarKo17]

dude, stop living for other people. you are gay and have the hots for this guy. if you blow this, what your in your 30s, you may not get opportunities such in the future.

you're on a gay porn site, so you can't be all that straight, married and happy. the reason you ARE married is because your living for other people. if cheating on you're wife is keeping you from pursing this guy, then you're still living for other peopl (you're wife)

you will only be miserable if you keep this up. stop playing games and give in to the deep love you have for this guy..geeesh

You have to be fucking kidding me?! His wife is a fucking person, too! They're married. That means he made the CHOICE to live for his wife. He's not just living for himself anymore. He took that responsibility and he should handle it like an adult. If he is really all that unhappy, then he should try to organize a threesome, including her or something. If she is too uncomfortable then he should drop it or drop her.

Dude, who started this thread please don't become one of those guys who cheats on his wife with men. There are already enough bad gay stereotypes. Don't contribute to this one, please.

 

[screwed]

O.k guys thanks for all the suggestions and advises. Here it goes as he now called me. asked me if I was going to this place which is totally separate as we were not supposed to meet for it asked me when I was going and booked his appointment same place and told me not asked me told me to take him with me. What kind of a fucking bullshit is this as he was almost going out of my system and here we go again. This life is a big cock which fucks you when you least expect it. Fuck this. Now I am screwed(hence my nick name) its going to happen all over again unless I rape him which would at least satisfy me and disgust him solving everything for good. To be honest I am very happy and not so happy at the same time.He also have now a girlfriend. So there now most of you can totally rip me apart for being unfaithful etc etc I am ready for it.

 

[JNewYork]

I'm not judging you at all. Last night I went to bed dreaming about the store manager in my neighborhood. Dude has the most perfect ass and a really masculine handsome face. He drives me crazy.

Sometimes, as difficult as it is to accept, we just can't have everything we want. I feel for you because what you want appears to be something you can have but with a lot of grief along with it.

I'm not telling you what to do. Just know I am with you in spirit. I've had a few situations that dragged on with pain for too long. Thankfully, I moved on.

Wishing you a peaceful outcome.

 

[conrad]

None of us really can be certain of how we would act in your situation. You have laid out your concerns and that is important. It is also very important for you to recognize that this lustful animal part of you is not an abnormality--it's one of the reasons that sites such as this one have become popular--but some of us are more willing to see ourselves sexually as we really are. You are the decider!

 

[bankside]

O.k guys thanks for all the suggestions and advises. Here it goes as he now called me. asked me if I was going to this place which is totally separate as we were not supposed to meet for it asked me when I was going and booked his appointment same place and told me not asked me told me to take him with me. What kind of a fucking bullshit is this as he was almost going out of my system and here we go again. This life is a big cock which fucks you when you least expect it. Fuck this. Now I am screwed(hence my nick name) its going to happen all over again unless I rape him which would at least satisfy me and disgust him solving everything for good. To be honest I am very happy and not so happy at the same time.He also have now a girlfriend. So there now most of you can totally rip me apart for being unfaithful etc etc I am ready for it.

You came here and posted in the "No flame zone" which sets the standard for a certain amount of respect due each other. You're willing to betray your wife by having sex with someone else without her knowledge or permission - you're only waiting for the opportunity. How is that not the ultimate flame? Strangers give you more respect discussing your "problem" than you are prepared to give your wife.

You aren't screwed; your wife is screwed. As far as feeling put upon by life, there is an expression that came up on another forum which fits this situation; "Who pissed in my pants?!?!?"

 

[conrad]

I have a hunch that some who post on this site are genuinely eager to have input from members; some of us really want to have the rest of us put some sense into their thinking.

Does that work? It certainly seems that way. The man is dealing with a feeling he has. In calling it lust he has certainly given it a correct name. But do the rest of us have to pile on the man for letting us in on his thinking? I will admit that in my time I have had such feelings many times. I am a very sensuous human being.

I also am a person who finds himself restrained from acting on his lusty feelings by my own conscience and certainly by the restraints my society has placed on sexual behavior. I manage to let the world see a prim and proper human being. My conduct passes the respectability test, but my thoughts are an entirely different matter. I have come to the conclusion that that is what our fantasy lives are for. There is a certain catharsis for me in being able to be shamelessly horny in word and deed "in my mind"and if I let you in on my thoughts it is not to encourage you to shameful conduct but to let you know that I think my Creator must intended that my "animal urges" would always be subject to the correction my brain can offer and maybe to suggest that your brain can serve you in that way also.

 

[clicker]

I have a hunch that some who post on this site are genuinely eager to have input from members; some of us really want to have the rest of us put some sense into their thinking.

Does that work? It certainly seems that way. The man is dealing with a feeling he has. In calling it lust he has certainly given it a correct name. But do the rest of us have to pile on the man for letting us in on his thinking? I will admit that in my time I have had such feelings many times. I am a very sensuous human being.

I also am a person who finds himself restrained from acting on his lusty feelings by my own conscience and certainly by the restraints my society has placed on sexual behavior. I manage to let the world see a prim and proper human being. My conduct passes the respectability test, but my thoughts are an entirely different matter. I have come to the conclusion that that is what our fantasy lives are for. There is a certain catharsis for me in being able to be shamelessly horny in word and deed "in my mind"and if I let you in on my thoughts it is not to encourage you to shameful conduct but to let you know that I think my Creator must intended that my "animal urges" would always be subject to the correction my brain can offer and maybe to suggest that your brain can serve you in that way also.

First off, I didn't know SCREWED wasn't out to his wife. Second, adultery is heterosexual and wrong. Same sex needs for a bisexual is not cheating. Going with someone with the opposite sex would be wrong for both married partners for we all because male/female hookups are more frought with danger/damage afterwards. Same sex bonding/release usually entails little to no emotional damages as in hetero adultery. Straight cheating is adultery, not gay or bis same sex release. I'm surprised more bisexuals/gay don't feel this way.

 

[bankside]

First off, I didn't know SCREWED wasn't out to his wife. Second, adultery is heterosexual and wrong. Same sex needs for a bisexual is not cheating.

HAHHAHAHAHHAHAH. Wooo. Hehhehhhh. hahahahahah. Thank you..

Going with someone with the opposite sex would be wrong for both married partners for we all because male/female hookups are more frought with danger/damage afterwards. Same sex bonding/release usually entails little to no emotional damages as in hetero adultery. Straight cheating is adultery, not gay or bis same sex release. I'm surprised more bisexuals/gay don't feel this way.[/QUOTE]

Would you be surprised if his wife doesn't feel that way?

Because I know a married woman - a friend from university - who has no problem with her guy playing around with other people in bed, she does it too, and they are both open about it.

That's a pretty unique situation though.

 

[screwed]

I think clicker is right cheating is only when its with a woman.With a man its not cheating technically because they dont have vaginas. So I guess that is license enough that I needed.

Amazing how simple things can be wonderful we just make them complicated.

Also thinking in that concept would forcing myself on him wouldnt be rape would it be?

 

[AngelFromAbove]

I think clicker is right cheating is only when its with a woman.With a man its not cheating technically because they dont have vaginas. So I guess that is license enough that I needed.

Amazing how simple things can be wonderful we just make them complicated.

Also thinking in that concept would forcing myself on him wouldnt be rape would it be?

Wow, just wow. It's amazing how people try to rationalize their decisions. Cheating is cheating, regardless of the person's sex. Rape is rape, regardless of the person's sex.

If you do not have an special arrangement with your wife, and this is something that you do not want her to know, it is cheating. Anytime there is physical, intimate contact with someone besides your current significant other, it is cheating.

If the person in question does not want anything further with you, you cannot force him or her. It is rape!

 

[Bored]

If you think you wont see him again, why not just ask him? If he says no then you still don't have to see him again.

 

[conrad]

Clicker, please enligten me: Are you telling us that as a bisexual it is alright for me to seek a bit ot relief from a male even though I am pledged to '"forsake all other" in marriage?

I can't imagine anything more likely to be destructive of a marriage than a husband who insists it's alright for him to be getting a bit on the side with a man simply because as a bisexual he has needs>

 

[clicker]

Clicker, please enligten me: Are you telling us that as a bisexual it is alright for me to seek a bit ot relief from a male even though I am pledged to '"forsake all other" in marriage?

I can't imagine anything more likely to be destructive of a marriage than a husband who insists it's alright for him to be getting a bit on the side with a man simply because as a bisexual he has needs>

Yes, I am. Like I wrote, same sex hookups are not the same as hetero adultery, which is destructive to a marriage. You really "can't think of anything more destructive to a straight marriage" than sane sex bonding? Wow, how short-sighted you are. It sounds like silly feminist thinking from the wife would make her all jealous and needy when the two needs have nothing to do with each other. Sigh.

 

[clicker]

I think clicker is right cheating is only when its with a woman.With a man its not cheating technically because they dont have vaginas. So I guess that is license enough that I needed.

Amazing how simple things can be wonderful we just make them complicated.

Also thinking in that concept would forcing myself on him wouldnt be rape would it be?

SCREWED, you should be out to your wife as bisexual, though. That I made clear.

 

[emancipado]

well spoke to him yesterday about some bull crap and asked him a question ref that fucking god forsaken course he said he would call back which he did but when speaking to him I just remained totally professional(asshole me)and shut the phone down without making any further conversation so it seems I am my biggest roadblock. Now I really have nothing to say.Anyways guys I feel like really stupid probably this is not a good idea people on this forum are right I need to think about my wife and also my kids(yes I have 2) Thanks for you guys advise I really appreciate it maybe this is a bad idea maybe I need to take my heart out and throw it in the dust bin. I am not out to my wife or anyone else. But she has felt a change in me as being quiet and withdrawn.So lets see there is an opportunity coming up on Friday to talk to him i will think about it.C'mon guys give me a dubious line to throw.

Dude, if you really feel like u say you do, go for it, i know you are in a very difficult place but, if u don't do it, you'll go on with your life thinking what could've been, and that is horrible... life is not perfect, if it was, it wouldn't be fun, i knowi sound like an idiot that doesn't care that u have a family, but you also have to think about yourself, and what this could mean, everyone should explore their sexuality, and just by admiting this feelings, you are one of the bravest men i have ever heard about, not everyone lets things like this on their brains, a lot of guys run away fron feelings like this and think they are less of a man for it... just try it and see what happens, again i don't mean any harm, i'm not saying cheating or lying is ok, but we all have the right to make the best of this little time on this planet, i truly admire you for sharing this, this is what being a man is all about, being true to yourself...

 

[emancipado]

O.k guys thanks for all the suggestions and advises. Here it goes as he now called me. asked me if I was going to this place which is totally separate as we were not supposed to meet for it asked me when I was going and booked his appointment same place and told me not asked me told me to take him with me. What kind of a fucking bullshit is this as he was almost going out of my system and here we go again. This life is a big cock which fucks you when you least expect it. Fuck this. Now I am screwed(hence my nick name) its going to happen all over again unless I rape him which would at least satisfy me and disgust him solving everything for good. To be honest I am very happy and not so happy at the same time.He also have now a girlfriend. So there now most of you can totally rip me apart for being unfaithful etc etc I am ready for it.

i soooooo get you dude, life can be such a bitch, i know!!! pm me, i would lov to chat with u some more