Going Out ALONE...

[brownbear787]

Hey guys,

Background
First I want to say that I am a 22 year old black male who just graduated from college. I stayed in the closet through school. (That was a big mistake)

Now I am in grad school. I commute 40 minutes to campus each day and I have an assistantship that pays for my tuition that requires me to work 20hrs each week. I have class 3 nights a week.

After moving back home, I realized that I don't have any friends here. I live in 40 minutes north of Baltimore, Maryland in Harford County (Suburban/country area). I am socially depressed. I sit in the house and wait to do things with my mom and sister.

Main Point
I want to make new friends and it's a struggle because I hardly speak to people around my home anymore. I don't know what people my age do for fun around here. So I have decided that this weekend coming up, I'm going to downtown Baltimore alone. I'm going to go to a gay friendly club/bar and hopefully meet people there.

My question(s) for you guys is this:
-Do you recommend going alone? I don't know anyone who would go with me, and I am tired of sitting home alone.

-Is it common at all for gay guys to go out alone? I'm not going to cruise for sex (But what happens, happens) and I'm trying to make new friends.

-Is the bar the best place to meet guys my age? I ask this because in college, I met people at the local bars all the time.

-Lastly if I go to the bar, should I sit and try to talk to people at the bar all night, or walk around the dance floor?

But anyway, I ultimatly would like to meet someone I could develop a long lasting non-romantic/romantic relationship with. I am tired of going to online websites trying to meet guys. It's not working out.

 

[tommyj]

Dude, dont feel any oddity at going alone. A lot of people go alone to the bars. You will meet other people there. Basically, this is the only way you are going to meet gay guys considering your closet status and desire not to do the gay sites. Enjoy and have fun. Stick close to the bar in the beginning as it induces more conversation. And good luck! God there are no gay bars in Havre de Grace!

 

[G-Lexington]

-Do you recommend going alone?
Yes.

-Is it common at all for gay guys to go out alone?
Not overly common, but not weird, either.

-Is the bar the best place to meet guys my age?
I don't know about "best", but it's a decent-to-good place. The only problem is if the music is turned up to 11, it's tough to converse.

-Lastly if I go to the bar, should I sit and try to talk to people at the bar all night, or walk around the dance floor?
Bar. Key in on other singles, and couples and groups that seem open.

Lex

 

[Alex00]

First of all, I think that in order to meet new people, you've to stop all this structure that is natural in you. Look at your post, looks like a supermarket list. I know, things are clearer and you actually manage to get things direct and simple. But if you want to meet people then relax a little bit and go to the bar without a fixed objective. Bars and clubs and people are not like a spice market, so try to relax when going there.
By the way, I think that you might find interesting people in your college and classes, not only gay people but worthy guys at least. Look around and notice that you don't have to worry bout trying to know people and make friends-everyone is doing it.

 

[BAMA32]

^I was going to say some of what Alex said. You have a perfect venue for meeting people via the college campus. And since you are still a member of the student body, you can join and participate in various activities, clubs, and events (gay or straight) to meet people (for friendship or other). Strike up a conversation with people, especially those you see on a daily basis, like in classes.

I remember when I decided to go back to school, I didn't know anybody. I also had a 40 minute commute too. Afterward now, I still see and have friends I made from when I was in grad school. In fact, a buddy of mine that came over tonite was a friend I had made from when I was in grad school that worked around the same lab I did during my research assistantship. Surely you are seeing other people on a regular basis that you could strike up a conversation with...ask to want to catch lunch or something...and given time you may have a whole new circle of friends. In your classes, strike up conversations. After a few nites of that, ask if anyone wants to catch a late dinner (fast food, I know not healthy but it works for when you want to socialize). I even had a GF pan out from doing that. Actually, she asked ME if I wanted to grab a bite haha. And also one married dude to hit on me.

 

[brownbear787]

Thanks guys for your comments.

My thing is this, I am trying to make more "guy" friends. My masters program is Human Resources Development. I am usually the youngest and few males in my classes. Also for my job on campus, I am the only male who works in my office....the one guy out of 9 females ranging in 23-60 years of age (lol) I am the youngest in my office, so I mainly talk to the 23 year old female since her cubicle is next door to mine.

I kind of feel awkward going to LGBT stuff since its primarily for undergrad students and I am a grad assistant for student affairs. there are no clubs for grad students but the grad student association.

I'm gonna try the Baltimore bars. Harford county sucks.

 

[BAMA32]

There's nothing wrong with participating in the same organizations that the undergrad students are, and they don't have to be LGBT. I mean you are 22. On average, the undergrads will be at most 4 years younger than you, and there will probably be some that are 22 also (or older if they are going back to school). Join the Environmental Club just off the top of my head. (I remember at the univ I went to, that club was a full mix of undergrad and grad both, with ages ranging from 18 to 41. Most of whom had no idea what science is.) Lots of other organizations to join than that. What is stopping you from wanting to socialize with undergrads?

Not saying don't go to Baltimore. But you can increase your opportunities for friendship or more by being a little more proactive at the school too. You're already going to the University anyway, so its not like you have to make any special trips. Heheh.

 

[brownbear787]

I love undergrads, don't get me wrong....Its just that a Grad Assistant, I technically work for the university as a part time professional. Its looked down upon at my campus to have unprofessional relationships with undergrads in my position.

 

[Alex00]

Hey hey hey, you're making the same paranoid-mental-dumb-fucker mistake as me. You are 22! You just cannot think you are too OLD, don't be an asshole and realize (I'm in process) that you are just a young boy that has the sky as the limit. If you think that people aged 20 are going to judge you as too old, then houston we have a big problem. If people can marry others with 20 years of difference and live life as something totally normal, then I'm telling you as a friend, just do it (I'm not making any publicity)! Believe me, I fell just as you and I know it's stupid!

 

[Alex00]

Oh, you just posted...
Well...that's kind of different, but if you want to get into an organization, who is in position of judging you? And if you make friends in there, who can say that it's not natural? I'm sure there will be no problem if you join a certain group no matter what it is. Furthermore, people may think joining an university group being an assistant is something that shows yur interest in university life and proof of your commitment with the institution.

 

[BAMA32]

That's weird, I doubt they look down upon it. I worked for a University too, in a scientific position. In fact, the President of that Env Club that I mentioned I joined was a graduate student working for the univesity too! And even teaching some classes. Won the votes to be president and that was that. I think you should double check the policies at your univ. I don't think there will be the kind of problem you think. You're not faculty. And you ARE a student.

 

[spencer]

Is there a difference between a 22 year old grad student and a 22 year old undergrad student? Not really, technically maybe. Make friends at gay bars just like you do at straight bars. People go alone all the time, a lot of people that do just go in for a drink after work.

 

[Seasoned]

Join some LGBT organization and try a gay bar hyped as a 'neighborhood' bar for quieter action or try that type of place on a Sat or Sun afternoon. Good luck to you.

 

[hotatlboi]

to have unprofessional relationships with undergrads in my position.

You said you were just looking for friends.

I seriously doubt your university prohibits undergrads from being friends with either graduate students or professors. They surely didn't at mine.

I will say, try ALL of the above.

Join organizations, go out to bars, do everything you can. You need to meet lots of people to get to the subset that are going to connect well with you.