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Going to Gay Clubs/Bars for the First Time

  • Thread starter Thread starter Zildjian
  • Start date Start date
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Zildjian

Guest
In my previous thread, I told you all about how I met a great guy (Rob) last weekend, and yesterday invited me to hit up some gay bars/clubs when he comes back to Dallas, with his friends.

So, what should I expect? How do I 'behave'? What do I wear?

One thing I'm really concerned about is that Rob talks about how he likes to dance, but I don't know how to dance! I've never danced! What do I do about that? (It's ironic how I don't know how to dance, but am infactuated with music.)

I petition your advice, tips, and anything helpful. Thanks!

I really don't my first night out to turn out like this guy in this YouTube video:

 
When you get there go straight to the bar and buy a beer. Find a cozy corner to sit/stand and check out the room. Tell your friend that you don't dance but you'ld love some private lessons.:p
 
Stop stressing. As others are saying, just get something to drink and then find a good place to observe the action from.

Smile. A lot. Don't look hungry or desperate. Don't be rude to anyone. There's enough of that going around.

Talk to your friend while you're there. Don't be afraid to tell him you don't know how to dance. Watch what the other guys do dancing and practice when you get home.

Just be as relaxed as you can be given that it is your first time and try to make the evening enjoyable for your friend.

If nothing else turns up, you can always head out together and, well, who knows.
 
Gay clubs and bars used to have very structured sets of rules, rituals and "costumes" of a sort. Nowadays, all of that has pretty much gone out the window and you are free to be yourself.

A lot of gay clubs are very touristy, full of straight thrill-seekers looking for a new experience. They add to the mix. My advices is to spend your first few times as an observer. Soak it all in, first, to figure out where you fit in.

One thing that might stand out , however, is the relative absence of blacks in mainstream gay clubs.

In many mid to large-size cities, however, there are specific clubs that black, gay men and women congregate.

Enjoy!
 
BabiGayPimp said:
One thing that might stand out , however, is the relative absence of blacks in mainstream gay clubs.
Click to expand...

Yeah, the one that Rob mainly visits is Kaliente in Dallas - it's mostly latinos there. But he and his friends usually bar hop three places in this area.

I was very suprised when he told me that of the three places he goes, Kaliente is the only place where guys actually talk to him. Despite him being a very good looking guy, he informed me that at S4 (another club where preppy white guys congregate), no guy ever talks to him. None. But he goes to dance and not look for guys there.

Anyway, I'm a black guy going to a mostly latino gay bar, so wish me luck!
 
godson112 said:
Oooh, then you definitley need to have one. Loosen yourself up and let your hair down.
Have fun and enjoy yourself.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I think I'll definitely need one - I'm too 'reserved' most of the time. Any suggestions as in beer or so?
 
So, what should I expect?

Nothing. Go in with no expectations whatsoever. That way, you can't possibly be disappointed, and beside,s it's more fun that way. :)

How do I 'behave'?

Like you always do. Be polite and friendly to people who approach you. Try not to stare at any one person for long periods of time, as they might either be weirded out by that, or interpret that as a sign that you want to be approached. (Of course, if you WANT to be approached, go for it.)

What do I wear?

In general, "nice casual" is a safe bet. Say you're going out to dinner with a group of friends - perhaps for a birthday - but te restaurant is JUST fancy enough that you probably don't want to wear your old Nirvana t-shirt and ripped jeans. What would you wear there? Probably something "dressy but fun". That's a good guideline as to what to wear out and about. You can certainly wear the Nirvana and jeans if you'd like, but the other might make a better impression.

I don't know how to dance! I've never danced! What do I do about that?

Own up. Say "I'm actually a pretty lousy dancer" before you hit the floor. Feel free to joke about it - I certainly do. "I dance like a straight guy." But go out and just move. One beat on the left foot, one beat on the right. Move your arms however you'd like, as long as you don't smack anyone with them. :)

Any suggestions as in beer or so?

I'd skip the beer unless you know you like them. Try a mixed drink, preferably one with a lower alcohol content. If you enjoy sodas, you might try a "Jack and coke" (or "Jack and diet" or "Jack and ginger", if you'd rather have Diet Coke or ginger ale). Jack Daniels mixed with soda. When you order the drink, hold your thumb and forefinger close together when you say "J ack", and then far apart when you say "Coke", to indicate you want more soda than Jack. A "Lynchburg lemonade" is another good first mixed drink.

And whatever you order, pick a limit (one or two) and stick with it. Switch to plain Coke or water after you have your one or two. You'll want to remember your first night out. :)

Lex
 
volcom1206 said:
Funny story actually. I was at a friends party. We were all dancing and having a good time. This girl started flirting with me a lot. So I decided to flirt back. I thought it was funny and so did my other friends who know I am gay. Anyway we started freaking, and I was so bad that she ran away in the middle of the song and avoided me for the rest of the night.
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That was funny! lol

The biggest thing about dancing is that you just gotta make yourself do it. At first it feels really awkward, but as the music gets going and as you loosen up it gets to be really fun. I suck at dancing and make jokes about it. Make yourself look like a fool on purpose and laugh about it. It makes you look funny and covers your "bad dancing".

Just have fun and relax.
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Kewl. Who knows? After a drink or two, I may up for it!
 
G-Lexington said:
I don't know how to dance! I've never danced! What do I do about that?

Own up. Say "I'm actually a pretty lousy dancer" before you hit the floor. Feel free to joke about it - I certainly do. "I dance like a straight guy." But go out and just move. One beat on the left foot, one beat on the right. Move your arms however you'd like, as long as you don't smack anyone with them. :)
Click to expand...

lol - Good advice.

Any suggestions as in beer or so?
And whatever you order, pick a limit (one or two) and stick with it. Switch to plain Coke or water after you have your one or two. You'll want to remember your first night out. :)

Lex
Click to expand...

kewl. good thinking.

Thanks Lex! :-)
 
I see drunk people dancing at the clubs all the time who don't know how to dance.
 
I'm very sad/depressed again...

Well, my newly-found 'friend' has been avoiding me, so I guess his offer of introducing me to the gay 'arena' is null and void now.

I hate being gay - it's lonely. :cry:
 
Zildjian said:
I'm very sad/depressed again...

Well, my newly-found 'friend' has been avoiding me, so I guess his offer of introducing me to the gay 'arena' is null and void now.

I hate being gay - it's lonely. :cry:
Click to expand...

Nevermind.

We're still on!
 
Go to S4 on a Sunday night. The crowd is much more mixed and the music is so much better. Have fun this weekend!
 
Went to Woody's in Edmonton three weeks ago. Talked to two nice guys in the hour that I was there. Great experience, going to check out the dance bar downstairs next time!
 
erikishere said:
Go to S4 on a Sunday night. The crowd is much more mixed and the music is so much better. Have fun this weekend!
Click to expand...

I've heard S4 has Kaliente on Sunday night, right?

My friend told me yesterday that he'll be Dallas in mid-April, so we'll probably hit up S4 and Caliente on a Saturday night.

I look forward to it.
 
Hey guys,

I need advice on what kind of drink to order when I get there. I don't drink alcohol usually, and I'll basically be 'depending' on it to loosen me up - I'm very shy and reserved.

Thanks!
 
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