Going to Gay Clubs/Bars for the First Time

[M4P]

Order a beer. The alcohol content is controlled

 

[Zildjian]

Order a beer. The alcohol content is controlled

Yeah, I guess you can't go wrong with a beer. I still need that stimulation from the alcohol, though, Brian.

I'm a little guy, so it shouldn't take but 1-2 to get me going...lol

 

[erikishere]

I'm not sure if S4 has Kaliente on Sunday nights, all I know is the crowd is huge and they play hip-hop music starting at 12:00 midnight. It's the only night I go because I'm not really into that techno/dance remix type of music. Not to dance to anyway. I'm going tonight!

I hate beer. I usually drink rum and coke or vodka and cranberry when I go out. Long Islands are also good, but I would not recommend them if you are a new drinker! lol

 

[Zildjian]

I'm not sure if S4 has Kaliente on Sunday nights, all I know is the crowd is huge and they play hip-hop music starting at 12:00 midnight. It's the only night I go because I'm not really into that techno/dance remix type of music. Not to dance to anyway. I'm going tonight!

I hate beer. I usually drink rum and coke or vodka and cranberry when I go out. Long Islands are also good, but I would not recommend them if you are a new drinker! lol

You wouldn't recommend anything but beer to a new drinker, or just a Long Island?

 

[G-Lexington]

The alcohol content on an average mixed drink and an average beer are about equal. However, a beer has more liquid, and so tends to take longer to drink - that makes it somewhat safer. Nothing wrong with a mixed drink, as long as you "nurse" it. Don't down it one gulp - it'll smack your ass about three minutes later. Just sip it slowly, twirl the ice around, take your time with it. And after one, switch to water or soda.

What to order? Depends. The Jack and Coke/diet/ginger are good if you're a regular soda drinker - it sort of eases you into the alcohol. White Russians and "nuts'n'berries" are good if you think you'd like a sweet creamy drink (both have milk or cream in them). A Midori sour is tasty - melon liquor with sweet'n'sour mix - and, as my friend says, the green color screams "I'm gay!" It'll just depend on what you think you might like. Pick one, try it. If you like it, great - have it again next time you go out. If not, no worries - try a different one next time. Just don't try a bunch of different ones your first night out. Stick with a limit of one.

Lex

 

[Zildjian]

The alcohol content on an average mixed drink and an average beer are about equal. However, a beer has more liquid, and so tends to take longer to drink - that makes it somewhat safer. Nothing wrong with a mixed drink, as long as you "nurse" it. Don't down it one gulp - it'll smack your ass about three minutes later. Just sip it slowly, twirl the ice around, take your time with it. And after one, switch to water or soda.

What to order? Depends. The Jack and Coke/diet/ginger are good if you're a regular soda drinker - it sort of eases you into the alcohol. White Russians and "nuts'n'berries" are good if you think you'd like a sweet creamy drink (both have milk or cream in them). A Midori sour is tasty - melon liquor with sweet'n'sour mix - and, as my friend says, the green color screams "I'm gay!" It'll just depend on what you think you might like. Pick one, try it. If you like it, great - have it again next time you go out. If not, no worries - try a different one next time. Just don't try a bunch of different ones your first night out. Stick with a limit of one.

Lex

^ Ah, I see now. Thanks for clarifying everything, Lex!

 

[Zildjian]

Update.

I don't think I'm going.

Well, me and this guy from Boston chat almost everyday on AIM, but I get the feeling that he's really not interested in friendship or taking me to the gar bars/clubs.

I think when he invited me to go with him next weekend, I think he was doing so out of pity, and I think he may regret asking me, because I'm most a stranger to him. Yes, we hooked up, but that's all he knows about me.

Another thing is that when we talk, I am always the one to initiate conversation. He never messages me first, so I interpret that as a low level of interested on his part.

Oh well - it would have been nice. If he contacts me before next weekend, then I'll reconsider going. I'm probably not the kind of guy to go to a gar bar anyway.

 

[hanshansen]

I think when he invited me to go with him next weekend, I think he was doing so out of pity, and I think he may regret asking me, because I'm most a stranger to him. Yes, we hooked up, but that's all he knows about me.

...

I am always the one to initiate conversation. He never messages me first

...

If he contacts me before next weekend, then I'll reconsider going.

Hey Zildjian,

you may be right about you and him, but your decision about what to do this weekend shouldn't depend on that.

If you go, what's the worst that can happen? He turns out to be a jerk, you don't have such a great Saturday night, the friendship fizzles. You'll still have seen what these places are like and you'll have pushed your boundaries a bit. That's a good thing.

That's the worst that can happen. That's not that bad. You sound very pessimistic, so I expect it to be a lot better than that.

In November, I met a gay guy who dragged me and some of his friends into (what I discovered later was) one of the most notorious night spots in town. On the way there I saw some other night clubs. I was so reluctant, I really, really didn't want to go dancing. I ended up giving it a go and while I'm not a good dancer and I probably won't be going to that club again for a while, I enjoyed myself and felt good about myself for having pushed my envelope. At least I now know what these places are like inside and that the people there aren't space aliens and that a lot of them dance pretty badly ...

That friendship fizzled soon after, but I still feel really good about having done that. (If nothing else, my friends were shocked and intrigued that someone like me had ended up in this place, which was kind of cool ).

If you don't go, I'm pretty sure you'll kick yourself. You'll still be in your shell and the friendship might also fizzle, because the guy won't understand why you blew him off.

This is a pretty costless opportunity you've got here. Don't squander it.

 

[G-Lexington]

Or screw your friend and go alone.

Yeah, that'll take a bit more courage, and there's that awkward "I'm alone and don't have anyone to talk with" feeling when you first walk in. But you'll soon find other people alone. And if you're so inclined, walk over and say hello.

Lex

 

[Zildjian]

Hey Zildjian,


If you go, what's the worst that can happen? He turns out to be a jerk, you don't have such a great Saturday night, the friendship fizzles.

Hi Hanshansen,

Well I think he would have to go the extra mile to be a jerk. He's a really nice guy, shy, and meek.

That's the worst that can happen. That's not that bad. You sound very pessimistic, so I expect it to be a lot better than that.

I try not to sound pessemistic, but realistic. I just don't want to set expectations high for this 'outing'.

In November, I met a gay guy who dragged me and some of his friends into (what I discovered later was) one of the most notorious night spots in town. On the way there I saw some other night clubs. I was so reluctant, I really, really didn't want to go dancing. I ended up giving it a go and while I'm not a good dancer and I probably won't be going to that club again for a while, I enjoyed myself and felt good about myself for having pushed my envelope.

Kewl, good for you. I'm not a dancer, at all. I've never danced before, ever. I don't know what I'm going to do about that...

If you don't go, I'm pretty sure you'll kick yourself. You'll still be in your shell and the friendship might also fizzle, because the guy won't understand why you blew him off.

And that's something I really don't want to do. I would feel really bad if I knew that he felt as though I blew him off. This 'gay' stuff is just so complicated - I'm trying to interpret someone's thoughts over instant messaging!

 

[Zildjian]

Or screw your friend and go alone.

Yeah, that'll take a bit more courage, and there's that awkward "I'm alone and don't have anyone to talk with" feeling when you first walk in. But you'll soon find other people alone. And if you're so inclined, walk over and say hello.

Lex

I little more than awkward, Lex. More like horrifying!

Thanks though for a different option.

 

[G-Lexington]

Then don't talk to anyone. Just go, order your drink, sit in the corner, and people-watch. It's actually kinda fun if you're up for it.

Lex

 

[Zildjian]

Then don't talk to anyone. Just go, order your drink, sit in the corner, and people-watch. It's actually kinda fun if you're up for it.

Lex

Not a bad idea. Kewl.

Thanks Lex!

 

[G-Lexington]

Just remember what to do if someone approaches YOU. Because there's a good chance someone will.

Lex

 

[hanshansen]

Kewl, good for you. I'm not a dancer, at all. I've never danced before, ever. I don't know what I'm going to do about that...

Neither was I. I didn't know either. I had never danced before, because I was afraid of the humiliation.

You watch other people do it and you start to move and eventually you feel the beat and it gets easier.

That night, the people I was with were supportive and were willing to encourage me while I was finding my feet on that dancefloor. This is why I said you have an opportunity that you shouldn't squander. It's so much easier to try these things when you're surrounded by supportive people than on your own.

And that's something I really don't want to do. I would feel really bad if I knew that he felt as though I blew him off. This 'gay' stuff is just so complicated - I'm trying to interpret someone's thoughts over instant messaging!

Again, this is a separate issue. Just focus on the fact that you've met someone who is willing to 'show you the ropes'. That's worth a whole lot, regardless of how you ultimately relate to that person.

 

[CountryBiy86]

I just went to my first gay bar in Toronto called Woody's last weekend! After 2 years of just walking by the bar!
I was afraid to go because i afraid to see someone i know.
We first went to a gay pool hall just to start off small then work our to a much more crowded bar...
It was ok, had a good time. There was no one having sex in the bar or making out...It was simply just like a normal straight bar but with gay men in it.

 

[954dude]

Went to my first gay bar back in October 2007, a month after coming out. It was Coliseum, the largest club in South Florida. I was nervous and scared, but it ended up being crazy fun. I went almost every Friday and made some pals.

Unfortunately, the club was shut down and bought. That split up everyone and I really miss the fun. No other club can bring it like Coli did.

 

[Zildjian]

What A Successful Night!!

Well, I went to the a couple of gay bars/clubs tonight and had a great time!

I met Rob about ten miles from my house, where I parked my car in a large shopping parking lot, and we rode about 25 miles to the gay bars on Cedar Springs in Dallas.

After taking 30 minutes to search and secure a parking space, we made our way in JR's where we were to meet a couple of his friends. We ordered drinks and walked around a bit and talked a bit. About 20 minutes later, his friends arrived and I purchased another drink for Rob and myself.

After a bit of small talk and chit chat, we left JR's and ventured to S4, where we waited another 15 minutes to get into the club. Once we got in, Rob sort of took me on a 'tour' of the place, and afterwards, we decided to dance. I told him I was up to it (even though I had NEVER danced before in my life), but I ordered another drink before we hit the dance floor.

As you know, I was a bit concerned about dancing (because I had never danced before), but with the help of alcohol and the flashing/strobing lights in the place, I went ahead. THERE WAS NOTHING TO IT. I have a good sense of rhythm anyway (as a musician), so I just imitated what Rob and the others on the floor were doing. I had so much fun dancing! I just let loose and let live! Haha.

I was getting a bit worn from the dancing, so I sat down and watched Rob and his friends dance for a bit, while I people watched. Shortly thereafter, his friends left (after we all shook hands), and I was back on the dance floor with Rob.

This time, it got really heavy. My adrenaline was really pumping, and I got really into the beat of the music and such. To my surprise (and delight...haha), Rob and I were basically grinding and hugging passionately on the floor with a pleasant intimacy as we danced.

I got tired after another 30 minutes, and we decided to leave. As we were walking back to the car, Rob asked me if I enjoyed myself and I responded in a resounding 'Yes'. I informed him that this 'experience' was nothing like I was expecting, and I looked forward to going back when we could. While we riding back home, we had a delightful conversation about personal issues, life, etc.

When we arrived back at the parking lot where I had parked, we hugged and almost mutually kissed (but didn't due to my timing), and I got into my car and drove back home.

Immediately when I got home, I sent Rob this message on AIM:

"Thanks for a great time tonight, Rob. I really appreciate you helping me come further out of the proverbial 'closet'. I think you are an awesome person. Hope we can do it again when you're in town."​

What a great friend Rob is. I really appreciate him for his kindness. I feel we have an obvious platonic connection that will last years to come.

Thanks again you guys for the advice you contributed in this thread - it made for a great night!

 

[hanshansen]

Congratulations!

You are on your way ...

 

[Zildjian]

^ Thanks Hanshansen and Finbar. I did have an awesome time last night.

I told Rob after we arrived at JR's, that I was seriously nervous while we were riding down there (although I did hide it well). You wouldn't believe how hot and sweaty I became from being nervous.

But as the drinks we down, it all faded, and it turned out to be a great experience.