Good fetish threads...ruined.

[leomendez93]

What? You guys do and ENJOY all these things? Really? LOLOLOLOLOL

 

[rysmiley88]

Why not start a new Fetish Thread?. "People who get off judging, and criticizing other people's Fetishes." Sure to be a Hit!!

 

[EJMichaels]

... If there were, for example, a way to tag an individual thread as being "On Topic", then those who wanted to discuss a certain fetish from a generalised positive point of view would be pretty much allowed to do their thing without interference....

...I can see a problem where someone is asking about something which can present problems in any one of a number of areas. Suppose someone asks for help in exploring auto-erotic asphyxiation. Is it prohibited to note the possible life-threatening complications this could present?

For the first point, some people either don't know what that is or don't conform, but it might help.

For the second point, there's a big difference between "you people gross me out" and, for example, "there is no way to do that safely, please reconsider".

 

[bankside]

Actually [STRIKE]part of what[/STRIKE] much of what underlies a lot of these fetishes for their practitioners is the idea of breaking taboos and doing things that gross other people out.

We'd spoil their fun if we thought other people's kinks were "just another valid way of exploring sexuality." How boring is that?

 

[tidimus]

I disagree bankside. While in general (or sometimes) it may be true that people are doing it for some absurd attention, I don't think that's the case in the fetish forum.

This is supposed to be a safe place to discuss fetishes and be protected from the people who are grossed out by it. At least that's always been my impression.

 

[Dannehduh]

i agree with above poster

 

[sm8591]

JUB is far more open for debate for fetish, kink and other porn than many similar sites. On several other sites i quit my account getting too negative feedback.

This kind of sites offers a unique opportunity to openly discuss intimide but unusual sexual desires. Personally i enjoyed self torture ever since i got sexually active, but it took me 8 years before i first shared it with a partner. For years all these kinky experiences happened hidden in private, clubs and secret parties. i'm glad that it became possible to speak openly, show me like i'm and read if other people share my kinks and unusual lifestyle. It doesn't matter if every now and then someone blames me for what i do or did as long as i can find like-minded people with similar sexual preferences to hear how they do. So far JUB is rather to find people with similar kinks.

 

[quasar]

Well I stumbled across this thread by accident (as I rarely venture into this forum) and I'm disappointed that you guys feel that we've let you down. So, I'm going to address a couple of comments and then let's see how we can change this.

There is a lot of moral superiority and hate on JUB, and the mods do a poor job of stopping it. Any post on kinks will get a hate reply sooner or later, it seems inevitable...

When I returned to JUB in April after a 6month absence due to business committments, I thought that the atmosphere here had changed. At first I couldn't put my finger on it, but then I realised that many members were just simply disrespectful towards others and had an attitude with it. Some of this may have been down to having fewer mods spread over the same area, and some of it may have been down to members simply shrugging off personal comments. There is no obligation on the part of JUB and the Mods to read or monitor any thread or posts, but we DO try to check as much as possible, and because we take a pro-active approach you have the 'Report Post' option so that you can highlight anything that needs bringing to our attention. Put simply, if we don't see it, we can't do anything about it.

Here's an idea: move "Fetish And Kink Discussion" to its own sub-forum, and make it a no-flames zones with active moderation (and WTF are these topics doing with "other porn" anyway??????).

...This is supposed to be a safe place to discuss fetishes and be protected from the people who are grossed out by it. At least that's always been my impression.

We have always regarded this forum as a none judgemental forum. We DID toy with the idea of including it in the No-Flame zone, but felt it didn't really 'sit' well with the other forums in the group. As for 'Other Porn', well, the other forums are fairly specific, and this seems to be the best forum to use as a 'catch-all' forum for anything that isn't 'vanilla'.

So, where next?

Well, all of us Mods are volunteers and we try to log on as often as possible, and although we have specific forums that we actively moderate, we can dip into each other's as needs be when a post is reported at Mod Towers.

This should be a safe place for you, and I'm happy to assist centexfarmer if he needs an extra hand here to maintain that, BUT, you have to help us do it by reporting posts that are offensive, baiting, or judgement. I'm not tolerating trolls here any longer - or disrespect towards others, so you have my support in that regard.

I think also - as was mentioned above - how the thread title is worded can help steer the kind of replies you get.

From the above posts, it kinda sounds like you guys know how your experience here should be. Is there anything else missing that we need to look at? Would a 'Posting Guidelines' sticky help?

We can't promise answers and solutions, but we can certainly discuss and make changes where, and if, possible. It is, after all, your forum.

 

[wooffy]

Hi quasar, comments:

There is no obligation on the part of JUB and the Mods to read or monitor any thread or posts, but we DO try to check as much as possible, and because we take a pro-active approach you have the 'Report Post' option so that you can highlight anything that needs bringing to our attention. Put simply, if we don't see it, we can't do anything about it.

I know moderating a forum is a difficult job (one I know I wouldn't have the patience for). As a relatively new user, I can only take my cues from what I see on the forums. If the type of post I objected to in the earlier post are commonly seen, I can only assume they are the norm here, tolerated, and no action would be taken to a post report.

There are many moderation styles, none perfect, it was my impression that JUB was mostly a "hands-off" site and that there would be no interest in more active moderation. Or perhaps simply no staff to do so.

As for 'Other Porn', well, the other forums are fairly specific, and this seems to be the best forum to use as a 'catch-all' forum for anything that isn't 'vanilla'.

Maybe I am missing something you can explain to me, but how I read the forum title is:

Fetish [porn], Kink [porn], and other Porn. In other words, as a place to discuss kinky porn, not as a place to discuss actually doing all sorts of wonderfully kinky things. Reading the posts, though, porn discussion is not the focus. There seems to be a disconnect there... or something escapes me.

Should there be a "Fetish & Kink" forum? I see the need, based on the topic discussed here. Should it be a "no-flame zone"? I guess that depends on what you call flames, but certainly little tolerance should be given to posts only written to express disapproval or judgment.

Finally, as someone who does a lot of BDSM/leather outreach, I want to make a point to everyone. The realisation that you are into kink/fetishes, and the first attempts to get info on those topics, can be as difficult and as emotional as your fist coming out as gay/bi. Sometimes more. You have no idea how many people I deal with every year who were terrified to contact a leather group for info, feel ashamed of their feelings, etc. Such a person those not need to read a forum about kink and fetishes filled with posts calling the activities (and thus, by extension, the participants) gross, disgusting, morally wrong, etc.

You don't judge other people's kinks.

 

[quasar]

...If the type of post I objected to in the earlier post are commonly seen, I can only assume they are the norm here, tolerated, and no action would be taken to a post report.

Moral superiority is not accepted and shouldn't be tolerated if we're talking about kinks or fetish topics. We do however draw a line at bestiality, rape and murder!

There are many moderation styles, none perfect, it was my impression that JUB was mostly a "hands-off" site and that there would be no interest in more active moderation. Or perhaps simply no staff to do so.

At the moment we operate a 'gentle moderation' style, preferring to use PMs rather than the infraction system - unless absolutely necessary. We are 'hands-on' moderators, involving ourselves in deleting illegal images, researching questionable images, referee-ing pursefights, researching and banning underage users and interacting. Even with this style we are are sometimes accused of being 'nazis'!

Maybe I am missing something you can explain to me, but how I read the forum title is:

Fetish [porn], Kink [porn], and other Porn. In other words, as a place to discuss kinky porn, not as a place to discuss actually doing all sorts of wonderfully kinky things. Reading the posts, though, porn discussion is not the focus. There seems to be a disconnect there... or something escapes me.

This is what I mean by a 'catch-all' forum. It seems to have 'everything that doesn't fit anywhere else' and is a combination of images, questions, stories, discussion etc. Would thread Prefixes help in making things clearer? (Obviously this requires people to use them!)

Should there be a "Fetish & Kink" forum? I see the need, based on the topic discussed here. Should it be a "no-flame zone"? I guess that depends on what you call flames, but certainly little tolerance should be given to posts only written to express disapproval or judgment.

Oh yes, there should definitely be this forum. It is on a par with Hot Topics as the 3rd most popular forum on the site, and as I say, there should be zero tolerance for judgemental posts.

Finally, as someone who does a lot of BDSM/leather outreach, I want to make a point to everyone. The realisation that you are into kink/fetishes, and the first attempts to get info on those topics, can be as difficult and as emotional as your fist coming out as gay/bi. Sometimes more. You have no idea how many people I deal with every year who were terrified to contact a leather group for info, feel ashamed of their feelings, etc. Such a person those not need to read a forum about kink and fetishes filled with posts calling the activities (and thus, by extension, the participants) gross, disgusting, morally wrong, etc.

Which is why it would be good to get this forum back on track. In fact if you wanted to create a thread - a kind of beginners guide to BDSM/Leather, I'd be happy to 'sticky' it as we do with 'guidance' threads in other forums.

You don't judge other people's kinks.

Exactly. I'm a pretty vanilla person, and whilst I can't profess to understanding or agreeing with many kinks and fetishes, if anyone wants to put 24,000volts through their shit covered nipples, while being pissed on by a 90yr old hermaphrodite dressed as a Greek soldier wearing a gimp mask, and being fucked by a baseball bat, then I'll fight for your right to do it and discuss it in a safe non-judgemental environment!

 

[SGTMaster]

Wow, didn't think my one little post would get this much attention!

Please don't think I am whining like a pup that as a ball gag in the wrong color that the mods are not doing their jobs. Did the mod job on another site (not about fet or kink sex though) so understand it is impossible and a bit fascist to watch every single post 24/7.

Guess I just don't understand the desire and/or thrill people get out of being morally superior on here. Like a bunch of others on here pointed out, makes as much sense and being a screaming tea toter at a bar. I am glad to see that others have noticed and are getting tired of it too.

I do generally agree that vague or questioning posts will get a variety of answers. Just don't see the point of an answer being how "wrong" it is. Guess if I wanted to hear something like that their is a church down the street by me that I can hear it each and everyone Sunday.

But thanks guys for showing me I am not crazy and just dreaming this all up!

 

[wooffy]

Which is why it would be good to get this forum back on track. In fact if you wanted to create a thread - a kind of beginners guide to BDSM/Leather, I'd be happy to 'sticky' it as we do with 'guidance' threads in other forums.

I could have sworn I replied to this last night... must be getting senile.

Sure, let my see what I can come up to start the thread. Who else wants to help? SGTMaster?

quasar - how about adding a note to the forum description, to the effect that respect is expected on the fetish/kink forum, etc.?

 

[SGTMaster]

Kinda telling about the community where we have to remind people that are harassed, hated, looked down upon and even killed to respect others for the same differences....

But more than happy to help in anyway I can wooffy. Although I have to say the fet "lifestyle" (boy I hate that word) is a bit more than just BDSM and leather (although those are fun too).

 

[iwantbig]

Every forum that I have spent time on (on any topic) has its share of sanctimonious know-it-alls who always try to belittle other people because of their personal taste or preferences, no matter how minor or major they are. This site doesn't have as large or vociferous of a Sanctimony Squad as some other sites I have been on... especially when it comes to politics! Political sites are vicious. The trick is to just tune out the party-poopers and learn to skip over their posts quickly. I sometimes wish this site had the format of others such as DemocraticUnderground, where only the subject of your post appears in the main listing, and to get to the heart of your post, you have to read further down. So you can quickly skim over the replies in a thread, to read just the ones that are worth reading.

What he said

 

[iwantbig]

The way i see it , theres a lot a bitches in the community that want to give other people shit but cant do it in the real world for fear of getting punched in the nose ( or kicked the living shit out of ) or sued , so they come to places like this ( virtual world ) and carry on shit ) . not much different than that sort of crap that goes on in those faceb**k type sites that we are all worried about causing kids to suicide ETC .
But whats new its the same as refugees running away from their homland to get away from a tribal war and then starting it up in their new home land.
Some people just want to carry on shit , you can look thru the forums and spot them a mile away , try to look past it and hookup with the people that see things your way and ignore those that want to carry on shit , I know i have bitten back a few times but i'm getting over it, it really does work to just go past the nasty shit .
dont even comment back to them ( i know i did in the past but i try not to now ) .
It just shows how narrow minded some fuck heads are , like its been said , the "straight" world thinks we are all sick and disgusting be cause we dont see it like they do and we tell each other that we are sick and disgusting , yeah that helps .
Do i need to keep going?

 

[theFallenGod]

I have always thought that some people have kinks I can't get into but I won't knock them for it...

However... when a person is talking about molesting someone non-consentually... I feel the need to speak up... It's one thing to have a nice agreement with your bf or fb... but it's another thing thing to be thinking about raping someone while their sleeping.

Role play is perfectly acceptable... Actual rape is disturbing... and I hardly think that has anything to do with "moral superiority"

 

[quasar]

I get what you're saying, but I think that scenario you just described is something that seldom if ever appears in these kink forums. And when they do--those threads disappear quickly. How you made the leap from people having harmless fetishes, to molestation and rape is beyond me...

I think it's because by coincedence today there were two threads dealing with making advances on sleeping friends on Page 1 of this forum.

Incidentally, I'll be purging those kind of threads and adding some guidelines to this forum this week.

Oh and I know I said I was fairly vanilla in the bedroom (or wherever actually) - but after all these years, YOU still wouldn't have to say please or thank-you!

 

[wooffy]

Kinda telling about the community where we have to remind people that are harassed, hated, looked down upon and even killed to respect others for the same differences....

But more than happy to help in anyway I can wooffy. Although I have to say the fet "lifestyle" (boy I hate that word) is a bit more than just BDSM and leather (although those are fun too).

I DESPISE the word "lifestyle" used to mean anything more than, well, your lifestyle.

And yes, this is such a large area to cover that I often resort to calling it "anything but vanilla sex", but even that is inadequate. Nevertheless we can make a try at it.

Anyone interested in contributing thoughts, questions, or comments, please reply to this thread.