goodbye

[rareboy]

Again, I would strongly suggest two things.

Move away from your parents and be your own person.

At the age of 25, there is absolutely no reason that you need to be their project anymore. Molten makes some great points.

And the second thing.....Find a counsellor through the LGBT organizations in the area and start getting some help to deal with the issues you have with your sexuality and your self-image. The first step to dealing with the issues is to acknowledge them.

You say you hate yourself for being gay.

We are all telling you that this is absurd. There is absolutely no reason for self-hate. You are what you are. and you can be happy and successful and loved as a homo. I have lived long enough that I can guarantee every young man who comes to this forum that this is so. Life is not fair for anyone, so don't think that if you were straight it would suddenly be more perfect. It wouldn't. Or if you had a wife. Or were thinner.

I'm also saddened to hear that you felt you got nothing out of the Trevor project volunteer. I would say, call again.

But eventually, everyone is going to give you some similar advice. You need to become an independent adult who exerts control over their own life and is not at the mercy of homophobic parents. And that you should talk face to face with support counsellors who can get to the root causes of your self-loathing and your apparent hatred of other homosexuals.

BTW, everytime that I want to feel some sympathy or empathy for your position, you manage to introduce some nasty little comment about feminine men. Don't want to wear nail polish or makeup? Then don't. But I almost think it would be liberating for you if you did.

 

[rareboy]

And Telstra. That is naughty advice, but I certainly know of at least two guys who found themselves and happiness in doing what you suggested.

 

[Telstra]

^ well i just made up stuff for people to try for fun.

 

[rareboy]

BTW. Before you go.

please don't ridicule, harass, or ignore other gay people who may not be as attractive as you, or who may have different beliefs than you. Disagree with gay Republicans all you want -- but even fat, ugly, gay Republicans deserve to be embraced and loved for the people they are too.

I'm assuming that you are, by extension, saying that it is wrong to call Democrats sissies or to make any derisive comments about the less masculine homos who like to wear nail polish and make-up because they deserve to be embraced and loved for the people they are too.

Thank you.

 

[JayQueer]

BTW. Before you go.



I'm assuming that you are, by extension, saying that it is wrong to call Democrats sissies or to make any derisive comments about the less masculine homos who like to wear nail polish and make-up because they deserve to be embraced and loved for the people they are too.

Thank you.

I know it's wrong to call Democrats "sissies." But the effeminate and more "queeny" gays just make me feel awkward and uncomfortable.

I'm trying to get help. I do have a therapist. He says that I have "extreme discomfort & frustration with my sexuality."

I'm just one big mess. I'm such a disappointment to my parents & the world.

 

[bankside]

Jayqueer, have you ever taken a bit of time to think about the things that it is fair for parents to be disappointed about and things that are not fair?

I'm serious, an actual list with Column A & Column B...

 

[Telstra]

I know it's wrong to call Democrats "sissies." But the effeminate and more "queeny" gays just make me feel awkward and uncomfortable.

I'm trying to get help. I do have a therapist. He says that I have "extreme discomfort & frustration with my sexuality."

I'm just one big mess. I'm such a disappointment to my parents & the world.

My solution is, watch as many queeny shows as possible and laugh about it in your room and share with us the humor.

 

[Solid Gold]

STOP

DO NOT POST UNTIL YOU HAVE DISCOVERED THE REAL YOU. I was in your shoes but you seem to want something that is just not going to happen unless you want it too. Give us a break and grow up, leave the basement and do not become a serial killer

 

[tipmyscales86]

I know it's wrong to call Democrats "sissies." But the effeminate and more "queeny" gays just make me feel awkward and uncomfortable.

I used to think the same way as you. My advice would be to stop looking at them as queens/fems/whatever label and try to see them for who they are as a person. When I started to do that, I discovered how sweet and funny a lot of them "queeny gays" are and I'm glad to call some of them my friends. Also, you need to understand that being gay doesn't mean that you have to be like them. Just be you.

 

[JayQueer]

STOP

DO NOT POST UNTIL YOU HAVE DISCOVERED THE REAL YOU. I was in your shoes but you seem to want something that is just not going to happen unless you want it too. Give us a break and grow up, leave the basement and do not become a serial killer

I'm probably going to leave JUB soon.

My parents have spoken to my therapist as well, and they don't think I'm making much progress in accepting myself.

They have seen me be in a much worse state, emotionally, since coming out. I'm alone all the time, and I don't even feel like talking to anyone. I'm just so frustrated, sad, and lonely....

They told me today, during dinner, that they set up appointment for me to speak next week with a Christian psychologist, to see if it is possible if I can live more as a heterosexual, even if I still have "homosexual temptations" once in a while.

I guess I'll go to one session and see what happens. My parents promised me it won't be held in a church or religious building -- all sessions will be held in an office building.

 

[TX-Beau]

So the fuck what? You think the message is going to be any different because you get it in an office building?

Why would you go along with that? Why are your parents making these decisions for you? Why are you behaving like a child? Why aren't you making decisions for yourself? Why aren't you looking for a way to get away from the haters? Why do you believe they have any answers? Why are you telling us you're going to leave JUB "soon?"

Huh?

I'm with Rareboy, every time I want to be sympathetic you toss out some homophobic crap worthy of your parents.

But there's another issue. You're pretty much trolling for sympathy, fine and dandy - and there are plenty of people who'll be happy to give it to you. But you don't need sympathy, you need motivation. Frankly I think if you get too much sympathy all you'll do is wallow.

You are choosing to surrender control of your life to people who are going to make you miserable. YOU are making that choice. Whether that's because you're lazy or scared or what have you, in the end, you chose that course.

It would be one thing if you were a high school kid, but you're not, you're supposed to be a man, and if you won't stand up to your parents and get out of their house, all those sissy faggots in their nail polish are far more of a man that you'll ever be.

Think about that. If you think this post is hard, go to that "Christian" charlatan and see what I have to say to you then.

Grab your fucking sack and be a man.

 

[TX-Beau]

You know, it's perfectly possible to hate yourself in your own place.

 

[JayQueer]

Thank you TX Beau, but I have lost the will to live. My head hurts intensely, and I just vomited over the toilet.

The truth is, I'm not strong enough for this. Yes, those "sissy f*ggots" are a thousand times stronger than I am.

I've tried to put on a brave face and tell myself that I am okay with it, but I'm not. My parents have clearly not helped the situation, but this isn't their fault -- it's all MY fault. I can't come to terms with being gay, because I DON'T want to be gay.

I'm too chicken to take my own life, but I wish someone else would.

Thank you to everyone for sharing their point-of-view.

 

[FuryOfFirestorm]

I can't come to terms with being gay, because I DON'T want to be gay.

It seems that the only person making things difficult is yourself. You have these stupid preconstructed notions of what a gay man is "supposed" to be, and you keep whining about not wanting to be gay.

Well guess what? YOU ARE GAY, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE GAY, SO FUCKING DEAL WITH IT. Being gay doesn't mean you have to dress and act like a girl. Being gay doesn't mean you have to have sex with lots of men and die of AIDS. Being gay means that you are a man attractted to other men. Period. Being gay is part of who you are, but it doesn't define who you are. Who you are and what you will be is up to you. Don't rely on others (or their approval) to make you happy. You can't be happy until you stop hating yourself.

 

[T-Rexx]

Being gay isn't easy, jay. You can wish and pray and wish and pray, but sexuality is not something you can change. Nature rolls the dice, and you get what you get.

I wish I was good looking, athletic, rich, smart, and didn't have to wear glasses. I wish I could sing. I wish I could do math in my head. I wish I could draw. I wish I didn't suffer from four horrible diseases. I wish I wasn't gay. I wish I wasn't doomed to loneliness.

I will never be any of those things. But that doesn't mean my life is worthless. That doesn't mean there is nothing I can do to help make the world a better place for other people to live. That doesn't mean there are not things that I can't enjoy in life.

If we are judged in this life, it will be an assessment of what we have done with what we have been given. No one can ask you to be something you are not.

Happiness in life comes from helping other people. Find some way to be of service to others. Then, you will find a little peace for yourself.

 

[Solid Gold]

I'm probably going to leave JUB soon.

My parents have spoken to my therapist as well, and they don't think I'm making much progress in accepting myself.

They have seen me be in a much worse state, emotionally, since coming out. I'm alone all the time, and I don't even feel like talking to anyone. I'm just so frustrated, sad, and lonely....

They told me today, during dinner, that they set up appointment for me to speak next week with a Christian psychologist, to see if it is possible if I can live more as a heterosexual, even if I still have "homosexual temptations" once in a while.

I guess I'll go to one session and see what happens. My parents promised me it won't be held in a church or religious building -- all sessions will be held in an office building.

WTF kind of sick story are you wring here? No one can spin a yarn like you so take your sick talent elsewhere and we should all let him to his own self be .well normally true but with this gal who knows. Nice Jay,real nice

 

[KaraBulut]

They told me today, during dinner, that they set up appointment for me to speak next week with a Christian psychologist, to see if it is possible if I can live more as a heterosexual, even if I still have "homosexual temptations" once in a while.

Interesting that they those a Christian psychologist.

Since your problems are really about you, you should have found your own psychologist and started therapy on your own before this. But it seems to be a lot easier to internalize all this stuff and wait for your parents to take the lead.

It is still not too late. So when you're done with the drama and denial, pick up the phone and make an appointment with a therapist who is actually going to help you sort all this out. You're probably going to need a therapist that is more confrontive and will not let you get away with some of the somatizations and evasions that you tend to fall back on.

But that's assuming that you actually want to sort this out and make progress on accepting yourself for who and what you are. And it's not clear that is the case... at least not yet.

 

[rareboy]

I'm still really struggling here. I have been for a number of weeks.

I can't reconcile the voice of the person writing here with the person who boldly asserted that they had accepted being gay because God made them this way or with the comments of a very confident afficionado of gay porn.

I struggle with the idea that a 25 year old who is already seeing a therapist and has boldly declared that he cannot support reparative therapy seems to be passively accepting that his parents could set up an appointment with a 'christian' counsellor.

I see that there is some thought that we're being played; that what we're reading is a very cleverly constructed tale designed to lead the audience along a path of uncertainty and self-doubt culminating in acceptance that maybe there is someone who can help them live 'straight'.

Frankly, there are just way too many inconsistencies in the ouvre.

 

[briefboy86]

With coming out its not about telling people you are gay. Its about you being comfortable with the way you are.

Yes its nice that you parents are concerned for you but you need to take charge, not your parents, that is some of the reason why you are not happy with yourself. If this is the path you want to go down with feeling better, you need to be the one setting up the appointments and telling your parents about it. You will feel much better about yourself for doing this.

It looks like there is some role reversal with your parents being the ones setting up the appointments and talking with your counselors. You should be the one conveying this message to them.

Just stay strong. If I can get through coming out so can you. first thing is to believe that YOU can do it!!

 

[JayQueer]

Interesting that they those a Christian psychologist.

Since your problems are really about you, you should have found your own psychologist and started therapy on your own before this. But it seems to be a lot easier to internalize all this stuff and wait for your parents to take the lead.

It is still not too late. So when you're done with the drama and denial, pick up the phone and make an appointment with a therapist who is actually going to help you sort all this out. You're probably going to need a therapist that is more confrontive and will not let you get away with some of the somatizations and evasions that you tend to fall back on.

But that's assuming that you actually want to sort this out and make progress on accepting yourself for who and what you are. And it's not clear that is the case... at least not yet.

KaraBulut,

I already have a therapist, who I sought out on my own (without telling my parents), and I have been seeing about every 2 weeks, over the past year. But if anything, I feel worse and even more frustrated after talking to my therapist. I gave permission for my parents to speak with my therapist, and both my therapist told my parents (and the therapist later told me) that "I'm very conflicted and frustrated about [my] sexuality."

I just lack the passion & drive for life.........I feel like I am just surviving, not really living.

One of my Dad's employees is a woman who considered herself a lesbian & only had relationships with women. But apparently, she started seeing some Christian psychologist 6 or 7 years ago and now, she considers herself straight & is married to a man and has children. That's where my Dad got the idea.