Oh, gee, snaps, you're opening a can of worms here. You see, Al Gore is FAT, and he uses TOO MUCH GOD DAMNED ELECTRICITY! That he's been married to the same woman since he was in college doesn't matter, take that off the table and stop embarrassing yourself.
John Kerry? Well, yes, maybe be WAS a war hero, maybe he earned his so-called medals at a time when George W Bush was shaking down his father's friends to keep him the fuck OUT of a war zone, but Kerry -- well, HE LOOKS FRENCH.
That bitch, Hitlery? Yes, so she and her horny hubby managed to work things out and stay married for thirty some years, BUT HE GOT A BLOW JOB. And she's SO DIVISIVE!
Nancy So-Called Pelosi? So she's America's first woman Speaker, the highest elected female in our history. Big Deal. WHAT SHE WANTS IS A BIGGER PLANE, THAT'S WHAT SHE WANTS!
And John and Elizabeth Edwards -- puleeease! So what if she has terminal cancer but refuses to stop living? So what if John Edwards has spent a lifetime dedicated to ending the causes of poverty? So what if they have a happy, life-long marriage, HE GETS $400 HAIRCUTS!
So you see, it's very clear, snappies, it's very, very, very fucking clear: St. Trudy may have been married three times and was an active adulterer in two of them -- so what? He has Mafia ties, but friendships are important! He is utterly corrupt and has enriched himself with taxpayer money, but he got rid of the urine smell on the subway. He bungled every effort to make the World Trade Center less of an easy target for terrorists, but he got rid of the squeegee guy! It's clear whom has morals and whom has not!