Got A Little Problem Here Guys

[josher]

Not much to add.

You're the one who let this happen.

You're the one who has to end it.

He's got the best of both world's, so he's going to hang around as long as you let him.

And he ISN"T straight. He's married to a woman. They're not necessarily the same thing.

 

[KaraBulut]

Maybe I'm missing the problem...

Is the problem that you don't want to be servicing a friend?

You don't want to service a straight guy?

You don't want to service a straight guy with a crazy wife that he wants to divorce?

Or it is that the whole situation has gone from a fantasy to a very complicated reality-mess?

 

[Ryuukie]

If him moving in with you is your main concern, tell him that you prefer to live alone. Otherwise, I'd try to help him out as much as possible.

 

[backpacker]

To answer the OP's question, just tell the guy straight up that you not able to help him out and that it would be best if you guys stopped having sex (or a friendship, depending on what you want). If he asks why, just tell that you feel very bad about messing around with a married man and you don't want to be any part of breaking up a family.

 

[irydion]

remind this guy he has a wife and family to take care of and he can not just run away from them.

 

[voyager1994]

that's a tough one, but if you want to break up the relationship and start doing the right thing i'm sure you know what you have to do.

 

[Narcissism is fun]

that's a tough one, but if you want to break up the relationship and start doing the right thing i'm sure you know what you have to do.

It's a bit late to be doing the right thing. I'd be willing to bet £50 that whatever decision OP comes to the wife will be getting divorce papers within 3 months.

 

[Seasoned]

According to the APA if you can reproduce, you're bisexual. Orientation isn't something you can cherrypick, and you shouldn't want to. Why do people act like it's a shame to identify as anything other than straight? It's pretty pathetic if you ask me. The worst kind of denial and conformism.



So our sexual behavior isn't indicative of our sexual orienation? That makes zero sense.



EXACTLY! Because your orientation is based on who you're attracted to as well as who you lay down with. It's a whole package, and this desperate need to throw away parts of the package to seem normal is, again, pathetic.



By definition it does, if not, what is a bisexual if it isn't someone who's attracted to both sexes?

Let's call a spade a spade, guys who want to (or do) engage in homosexual acts but identify as straight are self-loathing homophobes that are desperate to seem normal.

Since when do you get to judge another's sexual orientation, and to what end? There are plenty of gay guys who are married or who were married. Let people self identify. Also allow for the fact that sex addiction can take over a person's sex life, and allow for the absence of the desired partner to permit a person to choose second best, ie prison sex. I still maintain a person's inner processes determine orientation and not necessarily the sex acts themselves.

 

[scorpionljb]

Ok....maybe it's my fault...but everyone seems to be reading a lot more into this than is there. FIRST of all his leaving his wife has nothing to do with me. They have been separated a couple of times before I ever met him. She is a manic depressive and bi polar. She goes into extreme high's and spends money like crazy,then extreme lows and stays in bed for days. She abuses her medication. She goes off on the kids in extremes. His married life has been on thin ice for years. As I said when we first became friends SEX was not on the list of things to do. The sex just happened after he found out I am bi and he admitted he wanted to try sex with a guy. He does not LOVE ME nor has never mentioned the word. I SURE AS HELL DON'T LOVE HIM IN THAT KIND OF WAY. He has told me over and over if he leaves his wife for good he wants to find a WOMAN to be his kids mother and a wife. The damage done to his marriage was done by his wife a long time ago. She is a sick woman for sure and I feel sorry for her but , she is one of those who doesn't really try to help herself. He has had one of her shrinks to tell him he should get his children out of the situation as well as himself. I called him last night about 11pm and told him I didn't want anything sexual to do with him again and that there was no way he could move in with me. I was kind of shocked because he said that was just crazy talk on his part anyway. He said he would probably leave his wife but his kids would go with him. He also said his parents are willing to help him out. He told me he was sorry for laying so much on me.We will still be friends and if I can help him in some small way I will. As for all of you that have downed him for cheating on his wife remember that ole saying....( TILL YOU HAVE WALKED A MILE IN MY SHOES ) I think he looked at the sex thing with me as just a way of getting some relief without an involvement. Thanks guys for all comments . You are all a great bunch of guys and I wish you all the best during the holidays!

 

[josher]

Glad to hear you resolved it in such a mature way.

Be prepared for people who will have skipped your last post (see the above post) continuing to give you advice.

Hope everything goes well with you. Merry Christmas!

 

[Telstra]

Fuck that.

Cheating is cheating, and there is NO justification you can give me that makes cheating - in other words, going behind your partners' back and sleeping with/fucking someone else - right.

Otherwise, i'm glad it's done and over with.

You are always quick to judge.
Fuck is a very mature word.

 

[scorpionljb]

No it wasn't right.....But remember this...When you take a partner,husband,wife whatever, It's your duty to make them happy and meet their needs. In this situation mental illness is playing a big part. He is a healthy man with all the disires any of us have. His sexual desires didn't just stop.....What do you do if your wife lays in bed for days or weeks with her head buried under the covers, don't want light in the room,doesn't want the kids anywhere around her for days.

What do you do when doctors tell you your mates sexual desires are pretty much history due to their illness and medication.

All I am saying is that there are situations that can lead to this kind of thing happening to any of us.

This man has been through hell to try and help her and keep his familey together...GUESS WHAT SHE COULD GIVE A FUCK LESS.

I told him that his leaving may just be the push she needs to star doing a little self help.

 

[Narcissism is fun]

You really think she is to blame for everything? nice!

The thing about her illnesses is, if her husband leaves her and takes the kids, she isn't going to think "Right time to get this fixed and sort my life out" she is going to be MAJORLY suicidal.

 

[scorpionljb]

....forum shrink.......much like the jailhouse lawyers you hear of.
better pull your head out of your asshole because the real world doesn't run on all your good theory

 

[Telstra]

Unless people know the full story, people has no right to critercise or judge other people. Thats all i'm saying.

Your advice is useless Jy_Star, all i hear is critercism.

 

[Telstra]

He made the post. I have every right to criticize the situation based on what HE posted.

You don't have to like my stance on it, but i'm not changing it because the wife and the husband didn't come in here explaining sides two and three(how much you wanna bet that the wife doesn't know she's being cheated on?), and your suggestion that because they didn't say anything that i should remain neutral is as asinyne as the situation in the first place.

And my advice? Stop cheating and allowing others TO cheat. I think i said something to that effect in my first post. I don't see you offering anything Telstra, unless you think you're so coy as to stand back and try to be the "nice guy".

I know i don't offer any advice because i don't think my advice is helpful.
And do i think your advice is helpful ? NO. Thats all.

I think i'm allow to say your advice is usefull or not.

 

[scorpionljb]

JY STAR'S CRITERCISM IS USELESS...I have met his wife many times. He even ask me to talk with her.As for the cheating thing, FUCK...she even told him to find someone to screw...but he better come home and live in misery with her. What she needs is someone to jerk her ass out of that bed and bitch slap her ass into reality. She is an over spoiled only child who expected her mother to do EVERYTHING for her.When she married and started having kids she couldn't cope.Two of her doctors have told my friend that she craved the attention she gets from her problem. She also abuses her medication. At times he has even had to hide it from her and give it as directed.He got tired of all the fighting and just told her to take it however she wanted. She is susposed to see her doctor twice a month, but only goes maybey once and wouldn't do that but she wants those pills. If she wanted help and was trying to get better it would be different.Hell she won't even bathe till she is made to,or get mommy to come over and bathe her.

 

[Telstra]

JY STAR'S CRITERCISM IS USELESS...I have met his wife many times. He even ask me to talk with her.As for the cheating thing, FUCK...she even told him to find someone to screw...but he better come home and live in misery with her. What she needs is someone to jerk her ass out of that bed and bitch slap her ass into reality. She is an over spoiled only child who expected her mother to do EVERYTHING for her.When she married and started having kids she couldn't cope.Two of her doctors have told my friend that she craved the attention she gets from her problem. She also abuses her medication. At times he has even had to hide it from her and give it as directed.He got tired of all the fighting and just told her to take it however she wanted. She is susposed to see her doctor twice a month, but only goes maybey once and wouldn't do that but she wants those pills. If she wanted help and was trying to get better it would be different.Hell she won't even bathe till she is made to,or get mommy to come over and bathe her.

sounds like she is so sick with mental issues. It would take out alot of effort to help her.

Basically she needs someone to help her full time which is NOT possible for her husband i don't think. All i see is big problems.

 

[Wtrain]

It doesn't matter if the wife is a bi polar depressive or frigging Mrs. Cleaver. You cheated with a married man! The best thing to do now is to completely separate yourself from him and move on with your life.