Got a twist for you!

[RedRedKroovy]

^LOL I agree

He may be straight. He may just be saying "get lost".

 

[screwnutty]

He probably doesn't want to come over when your friends are there because he's only interested in you.

As rareboy says, I suppose you could be his token gay pet.

But I really think you ought to have him over alone, and try the body/back rub thing I suggested. It will soon become very obvious whether he likes it or not. If he's like, "WTF are you doing?!" then I'll believe he's straight. If he says nothing, or actively enjoys it, he's gay. It's not a whole lot of risk to find out what's going on.

Okay Lube! I was talking to him today real quick before he went into work. He has Thursday off and he suggested that we do something with my friends. I told him that would be impossible because there busy until Friday night. So I have Wednesday and Thursday night all to myself! He goes "oh, okay." I then said "would you like to hang out?" He goes..."I can I guess." I said "you wanna watch a horror movie?" He goes "okay but I can't stay that late....I work the next day "and I said "so do I". He goes "okay sure. I trust you!" and I said "okay we'll talk about this tonight over live and see what we can do bye!"

I am not giving him a backrub or even touching him at all. If he wants it he can start it. But I am interested in this gay pet theory!? What signs should I look for? I know I'm one of two gay guys that he knows. The other guy he knows through a friend. Anyways thanks for the help so far guys!

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>the whole let's-convert-the-straight-guy or let's-push-the-boundaries-and-see-how-far-it-goes and all that bullshit is overrated.

Someone hasn't met newboy.

I think you're playing it right. Just call him "friend" and leave him at that. Stop looking for signals or wondering if there's subtext to anything he says. If he wants to get physical, trust me, it'll be fairly obvious. You won't need the crystal ball.

Lex

 

[screwnutty]

>>>the whole let's-convert-the-straight-guy or let's-push-the-boundaries-and-see-how-far-it-goes and all that bullshit is overrated.

Someone hasn't met newboy.

I think you're playing it right. Just call him "friend" and leave him at that. Stop looking for signals or wondering if there's subtext to anything he says. If he wants to get physical, trust me, it'll be fairly obvious. You won't need the crystal ball.

Lex

Thanks Lex! Yeah if he does want something he will get anxious and start something!

 

[Lube]

LOL, well I'm not newboy, and I've never suggested "converting" anybody, because I don't believe anyone can be converted to a different sexual orientation.

No, I'm talking about giving a scared, closeted guy an opportunity to come out to himself in a warm, caring way. Sure, he may want to have sex, but probably has hangups about what people/family/society will think of him. If you can just get him to understand that being gay is more than just sex (which is what so many gay guys here whine about), he'll probably be more willing to play along.

As I mentioned, if you always take people at face value, then Larry Craig is straight and, perhaps, well, God did say that homosexuality is an abomination.

I can't believe anyone who's been in a successful LTR for any amount of time, will take what someone says to you always at face value. That's not the way humans work. I'm a computer guy--I wish humans were logical like computers, but they're not.

Oh, they're so not.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I can't believe anyone who's been in a successful LTR for any amount of time, will take what someone says to you always at face value.

I think you're missing the point.

Yes, just because someone says "I'm straight" doesn't mean it's so. However, whenever someone says "I'm straight", for whatever reason, whether it's accurate or not, it's best to simply accept that statement at face value. Because whatever is true of this guy, it's extremely safe to say that he doesn't want to get physical with you at this time. That's true whether he's straight, gay, questioning, or whatever. He may be curious, he may even be curious about you, but if he says "I'm straight", he almost certainly said it to keep something from happening. In which case it's best to respect that.

Lex

 

[Lube]

>>>I can't believe anyone who's been in a successful LTR for any amount of time, will take what someone says to you always at face value.

I think you're missing the point.

Yes, just because someone says "I'm straight" doesn't mean it's so. However, whenever someone says "I'm straight", for whatever reason, whether it's accurate or not, it's best to simply accept that statement at face value. Because whatever is true of this guy, it's extremely safe to say that he doesn't want to get physical with you at this time. That's true whether he's straight, gay, questioning, or whatever. He may be curious, he may even be curious about you, but if he says "I'm straight", he almost certainly said it to keep something from happening. In which case it's best to respect that.

Lex

Let's turn the tables.

How many times do guys come onto this forum who say that they're gay but that they're not ready to come out. And they're lonely and they want to have sex or they have a crush on a guy or whatever. And how many people here tell them "only come out when you're ready to come out".

So someone who's in the closet and "not ready to come out" appears (or so he thinks) for all practical purposes to be straight, right? If he's in the closet, he's telling people he's straight, right?

So how is that any different from this 20 year old? What if he is gay (or thinks he is, or is questioning or curious) but is not ready to come out?

The only way to have gay sex or a relationship and be in the closet is to state--unequivocally--that you're straight.

So the only way to do it is via non-verbal clues.

Or am I missing something?

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>So how is that any different from this 20 year old?

This 20-year-old has a homosexual friend.
A friend who has told him he (the friend) is gay.
A friend who has made it clear that if the 20-year-old wants to come out, he can.
A friend who has made it clear that he's interested in him.

If, after that, he's STILL getting "I'm straight", I'd say he's given him every opportunity.

Lex

 

[screwnutty]

okay just for the record. After the incident in which my friends sister in law told him and his mother that I was gay and that I had a crush on him. He asked me if that was true or not. The crush part. I told him up front that yes. He wanted to know why. I told him. In the end this was his final words to me that night....

"I'm flattered that you feel this way about me. But I'm straight. I'm not gay, bi or curious about guys in anyway. I don't even think of guys in that light. Just girls. I'm sorry that I can't return these feelings to you. I'm straight and if that's going to be a problem then I'll understand why you will want to stop being friends with me."


Sure the first night he asked me some questions that were weird but he's just a 20 year old kid. I'm sure he just wanted to know the how's and why's about me. So I'm just going to enjoy his friendship well I can. He's really excited about going to college and finding a girlfriend. That's all he talks about. Starting with a clean slate etc.

 

[screwnutty]

>>>So how is that any different from this 20 year old?

This 20-year-old has a homosexual friend.
A friend who has told him he (the friend) is gay.
A friend who has made it clear that if the 20-year-old wants to come out, he can.
A friend who has made it clear that he's interested in him.

If, after that, he's STILL getting "I'm straight", I'd say he's given him every opportunity.

Lex

Thanks Lex! This is what I was trying to explain in my previous post! You hit the nail right on the head!

 

[Just_Believe18]

Cool. Now it's resolved and you two can start enjoying the remainder of your friendship with each other.

 

[Lube]

Lex, yeah I came back to edit my post after having it stew around in my head, and you already replied. Yes, you're right, this situation is somewhat different.

However, it doesn't mean that there aren't guys out there who haven't/can't come out to themselves yet.

The thing is, 'gay' and 'homosexual' are such ugly words to many people. They don't think of themselves as stereotypically gay, they don't want to be homosexual. They give themselves all sorts of excuses why they can't/shouldn't be gay.

BUT...

if you put them in a situation in which they are given warm, caring, non-threatening interaction with another male, they have no choice but to admit to themselves that they have these feelings (or they won't admit it, in which case they're a total basket case).

It's sorta like the old saw about putting a frog in boiling water (he'll immediately jump out) vs. putting the frog in cold water and slowly raising the heat. The English language word 'gay' is like boiling water, and the back massage is the slowly-raising-the-temperature water. It's funny how people react like that.

Again, I'm not trying to convert anybody, LOL. If this guy is straight, god bless him and move on.

I'm just trying to help ScrewNutty see more clearly if this potential life mate has real feelings for him or not. If the 20 y.o. were just a potential one night stand, I'd say move on. But it sounds like there's a lot more there for ScrewNutty. Just thought it was worth investigating in a non-threatening way.

 

[screwnutty]

I'm just trying to help ScrewNutty see more clearly if this potential life mate has real feelings for him or not. If the 20 y.o. were just a potential one night stand, I'd say move on. But it sounds like there's a lot more there for ScrewNutty. Just thought it was worth investigating in a non-threatening way.

I'm thankful for that Lube!

This guy would be worth it. Hell, weve already agreed that were best friends. I think that's why I fell for him in the first place. He's somebody that I feel totally comfortable around, have intelligent conversations with and we can just talk about nothing for hours. We like the same things but we also have different tastes that work out just great for us. If he was gay...I'd seriously think about marriage after spending a year with him. But that's not the case. There's no sense in believing in a false hope either. I just hope the girl that he marries understands how lucky she is to have him. He's a great guy...it's been awhile since I could admit that I find somebody like him. Anyways I do one final update after we hang out on Thursday night and then I guess I just let this thread die. Thanks again for all the help guys.

 

[latinoguy19]

Wow, ScrewNutty. I just read this whole thread, and am kinda speechless.

I think you have handled this situation with amazing confidence . You went about it the right way, definitely. I really am not in a position to offer advice (I don't have much experience dating guys) but I feel you went about your feelings and the situation as realistically as possible .

As for your friend, he and I are the same age. He is young, just beginning to experience life and different peoples. I think you trying to respect his declaration of sexuality is admirable. I think you definitely should continue being his friend, and try to keep your feelings away until he shows a sign of wanting them.

Hope all works out for you!

 

[screwnutty]

Well don't stop now...

LOL. I'm afraid the story is coming to a close. There's not much else to tell. I'm just waiting for him to drop by so that we can get a bite to eat and then he wants to watch some Doctor Who episodes with me. He has a girlfriend now too. There hanging out next friday (not this coming one) and going to a crash derby in another town. So after tonight, which I'm 100% nothing will happen. The story is over. But what a ride huh! I do feel a little foolish for even thinking that I had a chance with him. But, it's better to have acted then sit there and wonder what if right!

 

[screwnutty]

Too true.

god...I love the new Dr. Who...can I come over too?? haha

"A platoon of Jadoon on the moon!" <clicks teeth> hahah adorable <swoon>

But I digress...

Let us know what happens anyway.

Hmm...Your gay and you love Doctor Who! Wanna come back to my place and we'll watch the series from start to finish!

If we don't get distracted that is!

 

[pablopablo]

Hey, screwnutty, you sound like you're handling this like a real man. Are you sad? I'm still feeling sad about my friend--even though we are still friends. Ah, the desire for more... Oh, well, life goes on, doesn't it? You're pretty cool, man.

 

[parasun]

Aww. This thread was cute. lol.

And anywayz... I prefer Torchwood.

 

[screwnutty]

FINISH?? They didn't cancel the new Dr. Who did they??
And .. suuuure <WINK WINK>

haha my priorities are so fucked ahahahah

LOL. No it's still going on. I meant we could watch season one to season 4...since there's only 6 more episodes left. You have to find a way into Canada!

You are gay right? (just checking! )

 

[screwnutty]

Hey, screwnutty, you sound like you're handling this like a real man. Are you sad? I'm still feeling sad about my friend--even though we are still friends. Ah, the desire for more... Oh, well, life goes on, doesn't it? You're pretty cool, man.

Thanks Pablopablo. I am trying. I still have feeling for him and I catch myself when we talk about his problems. He did ask me why I care so much about him when none of his other friends do. I just shrugged and said...."I don't know. I just do! I try not to next time! He goes "nah...it's cool"

Now tonight we were suppose to watch Doctor Who. But fate dealt us a bad hand. First we were suppose to go out to Boston Pizza by ourselves and then come back and watch the Doctor Who. Well his dad won't let him go out for supper because he's going to college and he should save his money. Then he told him that he could not take the car into my place and finally told him that he wasn't thrilled at the idea that his son was hanging out with a 32 year old guy. He called me and told me this all at the last minute before we were suppose to meet up. So he said that he would walk into my place later. Another friend called me and we went out for food and he wanted to hang out too....so I didn't know if he (wal mart guy) was coming in at all! So I invited my friend over....and then another one of my friends was waiting at my place to do something when we got back.

So we were just hanging and drinking when Mat showed up. I managed to get my friends to settle down for 45 mins so that we could watch the pilot episode. After that they wanted to play video games. Everybody left by midnight.

I just spent the last hour talking to him on xbox live and I said to him "It's a bastard when we can't even hang out alone huh!" He goes "meh...we could have." and I said "oh yeah I'm sure you would have been happy being stuck with me alone." He goes "We could have watched the show alone and then invited them over!" We get into a minor argument here and then he says "well I'm off this coming Wednesday...let's try again." I said "fine" and then he proceed to talk about some new girl that got hired at walmart and how fucking hot she is. I said goodnight after 15 mins of that! LOL

So there you go...the story doesn't end just yet.....looks like an epilogue or two is coming!