Got stood up for the first time last night...

[onetimething]

Vent session ahead...

I had been conversing with a guy off of Craig's List for a few weeks now. He sounded cool and we seemed to be on the same page with things, and what was initially supposed to be simply a hook-up, from the way our conversation went, sounded like it could turn into something more. So we finally agreed to meet up at his store last night at 9:30 after it had closed. I confirm with him over Yahoo Messenger at 9:05 and head on over into the city to see him. I just missed the train that was in the station when I got there and then trains were running a bit slow but since I was underground, I had no reception and couldn't call him to say I'd be running a few minutes late. I arrive at his stop at around 9:35, and thinking his place was a block away, rather than call, just hightailed it over, only to go completely in the wrong direction and get myself lost and show up at his place a little before 9:45. His store is dark. I call him, his phone is on but he doesn't pick up, and I leave a message. I wait. Call him again and leave a message a few minutes later. Then do the same again. At 10:05, I finally decide to call it a night. Again, I get lost on my way back to the subway station and then just missed the train and had to wait some 15-20 minutes for the next one, and then finally got home at around 10:45.

I was understandably pretty angry about the situation. I had just taken 90 minutes out of my day when I could've been doing a plethora of other things, and spent a good half hour walking and waiting in 20 degree wind chill weather, to meet up with this guy and he wasn't even there. But then, such anger was tempered by the fact that I thought that there was the chance that since I was 15 minutes late and hadn't called to tell him so, that he had thought that I had in fact stood HIM up, and had left before I got there. So I was sort of giving him the benefit of the doubt, although I still thought that in knowing I was taking the train in, as a New Yorker, he should know or expect that there may be a little bit of a delay, and I had said "around" 9:30 was when I'd be there. I sign onto Yahoo Messenger when I get home and he's not there. It may be a coincidence but every other time I've signed on in the past few weeks, he's been on. I sent him a simple quick email just asking what happened (no anger, no emotion, just asking) and thus far have gotten no response. Again, in the past, he's generally responded within a couple of hours to any emails I have sent him. I would think that had he thought I stood him up, he'd have sent me an email or a message, or returned my phone call to ask what happened. This has led me to the uncomfortable conclusion that I have likely been stood up. I don't know the reasoning for it. Maybe he just liked playing games with people and never had any intention to meet up? Maybe he saw me and didn't like what he saw so he simply bailed? Whatever the case may be, it makes me feel equally angry and pathetic right about now.

I know people will say "Craig's List, what did you expect?" but in all my years of using the site, this has never happened to me and my experiences more often than not have been pleasant. Since coming to New York though, my few dealings with people on the site have been mostly negative. I just don't understand people sometimes. I really just don't understand how someone can be so selfish, gutless and immature so as to stand somebody up. I know it's not fair to lump all gay men (or men, or women for that matter) into one clump just because of a few bad apples, but man is it tempting. I'm bisexual, and only developed an attraction to men in my early 20s and at the time, decided to put women to the side for the moment both because I wanted to try something new, and also because I was sick of the drama and mind games of most women. Lately, I've been finding men to be just as bad. Of course, you're more likely to find your physical urges satisfied by men since men are easier, and that's the main thing they've got going for them. But still, I'm just so tired of this mess that I think I need a break from men.

Don't mind me. Just venting....

 

[G-Lexington]

Things happen. Maybe he has a perfectly rational explanation for what happened, and will explain when he gets a second. Maybe he's the impatient sort. Maybe he was stringing you along.

Doesn't matter. Ball's in his court on this one. Move on.

Lex

 

[Telstra]

hey onetimething,
don't stop looking.

That person you just described got a problem with himself and yes he should reply your messages. give him a miss next time.

 

[BluesDog]

you identified the problem--- he is selfish and immature... better to find out now before you have too much invested in the relationship.

shrug it off and move on... you sound like a nice guy, and you'll find someone who deserves you.

 

[josher]

Well, maybe he did blow you off.

Or maybe he got sick.

Or maybe someone in his family had an accident.

Many years ago I got furious about a close friend standing me up for a lunch date and not calling the restaurant to tell me he wasn't coming.

Turned out his grandmother had a stroke that morning and he was the only person who could take care of things.

Give it a little time. If he told you where he worked, meaning you could come back later and blast him for standing you up, there might be a good reason for why he left.

Then again he might be very insecure and just figured you's stood him up.

Most people don't usually think of all the little things (or big things) that can go wrong in keeping an appointment.

They or we just think, "I've been stood up."

 

[onetimething]

It's possible that there is a reasonable explanation for it, but it does not look too likely at this point. He has checked his myspace page today which means he has been online, and therefore likely received my email. At the same time though, even though he was on 24/7 when he and I were chatting on Yahho Messenger (he has a sidekick or a blackberry), he hasn't been on at all today lending credence to the idea that he blocked me. Similarly, he also has my message on his phone that has not been returned. Maybe something serious did in fact happen but considering all these other signs, I just think it's highly unlikely.

I know I should get over it, but I'm just sort of floored by it at the same time. We had built this meeting up, anticipating it for the past two weeks or so. I had confirmed with him just 30 minutes prior to showing up and he was all gung-ho. Then....nothing.

If this is the sort of person that he is, that would purposely stand someone up, then indeed he is not someone I want to deal with. That doesn't diminish the anger though. It's just really quite the self-esteem killer. Assuming the situation is how I see it, I've just never been rejected so coldly before.

Give it a little time. If he told you where he worked, meaning you could come back later and blast him for standing you up, there might be a good reason for why he left.

Yes, I do know where he works. And while I wouldn't go out of my way to go down there again (especially since I don't know his work schedule), I won't lie and I will say that I'd be very tempted to if I find myself in the area to stop by.

It's the not knowing that's getting to me. Damn that Pandora for opening that box!

I'll give it some time. Maybe a week or so, and then see how I'm feeling then.

 

[onetimething]

Just an update on this. I caught the guy on Yahoo Messenger this evening. He says he waited til 9:45 for me and then split because he figured I wasn't showing. We must have passed each other on the street and not realized it. The timing had to have been really close. He says he didn't get my messages until he got home. I'm not sure why he chose not to respond to the phone or email, but whatever. We've made tentative plans to meet up again and this time if doing so, will give a bigger window of time and have a Plan B in case things go awry.

I have to say, as much as I hate to admit it, I was really down in the dumps over this thing just because it was like such a slap in the face, so it was nice to hear that I wasn't rejected as I thought.

 

[Martkell2007]

Maybe he died.

"Sex and the City"
Frenemies (2000)

 

[RukkuS]

hopefully he's not one of those people who are super anal about time. If so, you made the wrong first impression. Try to be about 10 mins earlier next time.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Not an enviable experience by any stretch of imagination..., yet I'd make sure that I am always sharp on time. Being on time does make that first good impression, no matter what...

When it comes to meeting up other dudes, I always try to make it as convenient for me as possible. I'd never agree to travel around the town solely for the purpose of meeting up with someone I had never seen before. Some sort of an easily accessible central, downtown location will have to do for both of us.

SC

 

[youngnihilist]

still seems pretty fishy to me. why didnt he reply to your earlier comments..

 

[MaxMouse]

I never understood craigslist and the creeps who use it for hookups until now...That's so weird to me. If I were you I would just assume that he's lying if he didn't try to contact you at all...this is new york after all. He's probably a dud anyways (it's craigslist aka slutty dud paradise)

to each their own

 

[rareboy]

My advice?

It was only 90 minutes and some inconvenience in your very busy life.

Get over it and let the anger go.

Next time you get stood up, go find something else to do while you're in the neighbourhood and at least you'll have
optimized time management.

 

[vulgar_newcomer]

I have to say, as much as I hate to admit it, I was really down in the dumps over this thing just because it was like such a slap in the face, so it was nice to hear that I wasn't rejected as I thought.

I read the rejection in your first post. It's a hard thing to deal with, the fact of possible rejection. There is no easy way to deal with it. Had you met the guy and things not worked out as you had planned you would have gone through all the same travel and time hassle but you would have had some control in the outcome and perhaps you would be the one to do the rejecting.
Hopefully you will have a good time with him and things will look brighter with the 2nd meeting.

 

[onetimething]

And the last update on this situation....

We were supposed to meet up tonight. We chatted a good bit over the past few days and I confirmed our meeting with him yesterday. I was supposed to be online around the time of the meeting and he would then come on and tell me when he was ready to meet up. He never came on. I sent him an email (which goes to his phone/sidekick that he always has on). He never answered.

I'm done. Moving on. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I'm not doing "fool me three times", and that's why this is the LAST update on this guy.