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Great first date, then nothing

M

Mikael176

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I'm really annoyed and need some advice. Meet a guy on Grindr and we chatting a few days and then took it to text. We did a lot of the sexual flirting thing and both came to the conclusion that we wanted to meet and see if the connection was real.

We planned a nice, casual dinner date with the full understanding that we deliberately would keep it slow in the intimacy department - absolutely no sex on first date. Keep in mind that prior to this he was very open about having friends with benefits, etc., as was I.

So the conversation at dinner was awesome. He was intelligent, funny, good looking. He invited me back to his home, which he had recently bought. More great conversation about what he wanted to do with the house, etc. Of course we started to kiss. The whole time we were laughing about our rule. He said "no clothes come off tonight." I was in total agreement.

I should have ended the date there, I guess.

All we did was kiss - lips, neck, ears, etc. He told me before he got really turned on my a guy kissing his ears. When I did so it was a light went off and he got all horny, as did I. We chatting a little bit more and both said we should make plans for another date in the coming days. We even set a date.

Before I left we kissed him - once again I kissed the ears. I decided to get on top of him and get a little dirty and he loved it; i loved it. Keep in kind clothes remained on the entire time. As I'm really enjoying kissing his ears and lips, he started biting my nipples. He was into this.

So we decided to meet again and i kissed him goodnight.

On the way out it was clear he was horned up and I asked if he was going to do something that. "As soon as you leave," he said. I smiled and hold him I'd text him when I got home (30 minute drive).

Never heard from him until the next morning. Text said that I was a "nice" guy and that dinner was "good." But we had agreed to take it slow and I was too intense. Sitting on his lap was "a bit too much." Therefore no second date. He wasn't nasty and neither was I.

I was totally floored. Never been accused of being too aggressive. Not quite sure what I did wrong -- if anything. The last thing I told him via text was that I would have been just as happy kissing him goodnight after the dinner, because our communication/connection was really nice.

I'm very confused. Would love some comments, suggestions. As always, thanks.
 
Well if he thought it was a "bit too much" for you to sit on his lap, he should have said something at the time. Such as - " this is getting a little too intense and we said we'd take it slow". In addition, he was biting your nipples which could be considered "a bit too much" also. I think it's his problem not yours - perhaps he was getting too involved himself.
I don't think you have anything to worry about.
 
It's healthy to have boundaries when first dating someone, especially for a long term relationship.

Understand why it is you've chosen those boundaries though. Perhaps, he felt you were sending mixed signals when you mentioned no sex, but then proceeded to make out on the couch.

Perhaps he just wanted to casually date someone and then go get his rocks off on grindr later.

Generally it's a good thing to remove all expectations you have of the other person, whether they will follow through on a 2nd date or not.
All we can do is present the most authentic person who we are, and be happy we made another connection. How long it lasts isn't that important.
 
Signs are that he's got hang-ups, is a control-freak and can't deal with his own attraction, so he's projecting the problem onto others.

At least you found out before you got more involved.
 
He just gave you a gift!

Take it and run would be my advice...
 
Somehow I doubt it was his newly purchased house and was just using it for a HU.
 
I'll echo the sentiments expressed regarding being yourself and expecting any date to do the same. It's all about chemistry and two-way chemistry at that. Simply, put, we are not going to be compatible with most people we meet.
 
It takes two to tango. If he wasn't comfortable with how physical you two were getting, he should have said something. To me, it sounds like he enjoyed it and has some issues that he's putting on you. Don't feel bad. You did nothing wrong.

Just from my experience, anything more than a kiss on a first date doesn't usually bode well for anything potentially serious. Next time, once the date is over you should just head home. Save the visit to his house for the second or third date.
 
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