Grieving for lost time

[G-Lexington]

I didn't come out until roughly your age. I was just clueless about the fact that I might in fact be gay. It's certainly not unusual.

Don't bemoan the times behind, unless you want to look back on being 23 and say, "I then wasted THAT year feeling sorry for myself because of all the time I lost." You can't change the past, but you can change the present. Get out there and make some memories, so you can look back at 2007 as the best year of your life.

Lex

 

[CGHJ]

I didn't come out until I was 28, you have 5 years to have fun that I spent freaking out. I think your glass is half-full, if you wanna take a look at it again.

 

[Roland00]

I understand that feeling really well, for I too have experienced it, it is natural.

Regardless of the fact it is natural, it can become its own problem. You need to realize yes you won't ever get those years back, but you don't need to focus on "you never getting it back" like its some form of debt you can never pay.

Time is time, experiences is experiences. You still have plenty of time left, plenty of time to gain such a rich and varied life of experiences. What is stopping you? What is stopping you, there is nothing stopping you? What is stopping you from living your remaining years to the fullest? Is there something you wanted to do during those years than do it now. Live life to the fullest, live it without regrets.

Channel Soilwork if you have to, put a soilwork "devil" on your shoulders (you know like you have a devil on your left shoulder and an angel on your right and in cartoons you ask each for advice) and think for a second what he would do in your situation. Then do it, and have lots of fun doing it

Yes it is a Sunday night, just because it is a Sunday night isn't stopping you from having fun

 

[SilverRRCloud]

I started when I was 12. Not an easy thing to do. Take my word for it...

Sure, you have wasted some of your time. And you have also gained some experience and hopefully some knowledge about the world around you. You are now better armed and equipped to face all of that.

Indeed, there is little use crying over the spilled milk. But, yeah, you can make it all different, if you say:

'The Place is Here. And The Time is Now'...

SC

 

[M4P]

Not meaning to sound cliche but the rear view mirror is so much smaller than the windshield. Your whole life is in front of you - embrace and enjoy every minute of it

 

[SpankThePony]

The only time you can waist is now
The past lead you here and the future is still to look forward to.
That never changes,
so make good use of now and accept that you would not be at this point without having gone through your past.

 

[GL]

There is no set time table or bench mark for being gay and coming to terms with it. It is a journey that we all must take on our own. Some will make it, some will not. Be glad that you did come to terms with it and from my 37 years perspective, did it at a young age. Don't sweat the lost time. In fact, it isn't good for you. Rather, look forward to a life of new experiences and adventures. It's all right there in front of you. Best of luck!

 

[StlKj]

I didn't come out until roughly your age. I was just clueless about the fact that I might in fact be gay. It's certainly not unusual.

Don't bemoan the times behind, unless you want to look back on being 23 and say, "I then wasted THAT year feeling sorry for myself because of all the time I lost." You can't change the past, but you can change the present. Get out there and make some memories, so you can look back at 2007 as the best year of your life.

Lex

Amen, G-Lexington, amen! I'd also say to stop looking at the past as a waste. You took the time you needed to finally be yourself, jakarta. You're still young and can have a lot of fun ahead of you, but only if you stop looking behind.

Here's a thought. Throw yourself two little parties. The first one you can put some things in a box that are symbolic of your past, and then burn it, bury it, or throw it away. Then get yourself a little cake and a party hat, and celebrate your future as a vital, young, gay man.

Might sound funny, but if it will help you move on, give it a try.

 

[slobone]

Good Lord, when I saw the thread title I thought, Oh the poor guy is just coming out at age 50. But 23! Hell, don't worry about it. There are plenty of people here who came out at a way older age than that.

Besides, I think the years from 18 to 23 are over-rated anyway. Most young guys that age don't have a clue what they want or how to get it. With your additional life experience you should have a much better time navigating the complicated shoals of the gay -- maritime something, I lost the thread of my metaphor.

Have fun and play safe!

 

[luminum]

People have come out a lot later than you. So that hardly means that you've lost lots of time. Don;t worry about lost time and just focus on making due with the plentiful amoutns of time you have in front of you. You're only 23!

 

[123kid]

something i tend to live by......... "LIFE ISN'T SO MUCH WHERE YOU STAND BUT THE DIRECTION YOU ARE MOVING" just something to think about...

 

[spreadeagle]

You haven't even reached your sexual peak yet. Some people never feelsafe enough to come out. Futile and ignorant regrets about the past can sabotage your prospects for the future. Be grateful for what you have now and face forwards.

 

[screwnutty]

I'm 23 now. At last I've come to terms with being gay. The problem is, now I've started grieving about all the time I lost because of my stupidity! The teenage years...wasted...all the good time I could have had...and I'm still a virgin....



Can someone say something to make me feel better? Please?

I hardly doubt that the first 23 yearsof your life were wasted. I mean think of what you've done....

1. Finished public and high school
2. Learned to drive
3. You must have had friends and went to parties....who cares that you weren't out to yourself then, you still had fun right?

countless other thinks that only you know about! As for your virginity. So what? There's alot of people older then you, who are still virgins. You have a special gift...so why do you want to just throw it away to the first person you comes on to you?

gee the past is what lead you to the present and the present will reflect your future!

 

[Riverrick]

It a really common feeling and it takes a long time to get over it. I came out at 25 and sometimes I still have those feelings of being cheated out of an adolescence.

I think that Roland's advice is best. Don't let it become a problem of its own. Grieve your losses and move on. Create a history for yourself full of memories of a rich life.

 

[confusedboy23]

As they say, the best is yet to come!

 

[Just_Believe18]

You're 23 and still VERY young! Nothing wrong with being a virgin still. I always wish I'd have experimented "growing up" but you just have to learn to accept what life has given you and make the most with the rest.

 

[RicanDAB]

I'm 23 now. At last I've come to terms with being gay. The problem is, now I've started grieving about all the time I lost because of my stupidity! The teenage years...wasted...all the good time I could have had...and I'm still a virgin.... Can someone say something to make me feel better? Please?

I did not come out until this year and I am 37 ... I however did lose my gay virginity @ your age. I am not sure if you're equating coming out with virginity, but as you can see you don't have to be out to have a relationship and share yourself with someone special. You are 23, as everyone else has pointed out you have very little to complain about wasting.

Likewise for me -- As far as coming out at the age I did, I have NO regrets. I was just not ready to before then, and life continues forward even brighter now. It's all in perspective, my friend

 

[kawaii]

I know how you feel