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Grindr Relationship?

Hey Canada :wow:
I for one am just sitting here typing this with such a huge grin on my face . :D
It seems to me that you are living the moment and fucking having a great time.
As we say here in Scotland Get it up yey :p
Happy for you buddy . ..|
 
By the way, my two cents on a particular aspect of this topic - I have always been weirded out by people who don't allow intimacy past a certain point until date number X or whatever. It seems like such a high school hetero concept to me. You say the chemicals are doing their thing and that you are going with what feels right, yet you don't want to have actual sex with him for a while? I don't get that. Personally, I think sex can create a very strong bond between two people who already like each other on an emotional level. And vice versa - if one of you doesn't let the other one get all the way and the other one can't understand the reason for it, that could cause them to get more distanced and frustrated.

I am saying that from the point of view of relationships. You guys sound like you are pretty young, so finding hook ups should not be a huge issue for you if sex is all you wanted. From your description it definitely doesn't seem to me like he would be wasting so much time on you if he were simply playing you.

Anyway, I might be completely wrong, it's just how I feel about the whole "not letting people you obviously like have sex with you for a while" thing. I know it has put me off of people BIG time, but my experience isn't everybody else's so...
 
Maybe I wasn't clear enough. I think we're talking about different things. I also think that jumping into sex right away is usually a sign of a casual thing and not the beginning of a serious relationship. My point was, sometimes things are really charged sexually and it just goes that way. That doesn't necessarily mean it won't last. But if you get into a sexual situation (as in, lying in bed/on the back seat of a car/whatever), making out, etc., and one of you holds back so as not to "rush" things or something, it just doesn't make sense. The purpose is already defeated, you basically are already having sex. Just without the actual satisfaction...
 
Yeah, I don't really buy that. If you really are into someone, you're not going to bail because you had sex with them. Chances are if you feel that sex early is bad and did it anyway, you did it because you already knew it wasn't going anywhere.

We are all taught that people who have sex without a ton of angsty build up and impossible romantic trappings are somehow cheapening themselves and the sex - but really all of that is just the child of the old fashioned no sex before marriage and commitment religious thing, and the idea that anyone who has sex for the sake of sex is a dirty slut going straight to hell.

That older idea has been morphed into the Hollywood Prince charming illusion, but the idea that sex will ruin a relationship before it starts, and must be put off as long as possible so you can "grow," together is the same, as is the judgement on guys who don't practice that.

If you think that having sex early is a bad thing by all means don't do it, but the only reason that might ruin your thing is because you expect it to, and believe that it will.
 
I think it depends on the person. Personally, if I like someone, having sex with them only enhances the feeling, doesn't cheapen it in any way. I have noticed that it's mostly the younger/more immature guys who think that, and of course for them it turns into a fuck buddy thing. I mean no offense with that comment, it's just my experience.

So I have to agree with TX-Beau. What's more, I had a "relationship" where I was kinda into the guy, but not so much, and he was really into me big time. Yet it was me who wanted to have sex, and he wanted to "wait". What for, never became apparent. It got to a point of being ridiculous - we would do literally EVERYTHING else in bed apart from the actual... uh... penetration... And that just felt wrong on too many levels. I dumped him quickly, and even though there were multiple reasons for it, the pointless "abstinence" was definitely one of them. Sure, we had no future together anyway, but I am generally a very sexual person and I firmly believe that for me having sex with someone would only help forge a connection.
 
Oh, I have almost no experience with relationships, except from observation. I've been out for less than a year, and I spent half of that period being semi-in. That was one of two, and the other one never became official. It started without sex though, and lasted about the same time, although the reason there was the guy having serious family problems that eventually tore us apart. Anyway I am at a stage of my life where a relationship would be wonderful, but I don't really look it yet. Too much to explore before I think about commitment, plus there is nobody around me that I would have a relationship with.

BUT I can't really see the connection between early sex and lack of long-term potential. I don't have a problem with your position whatsoever, don't get me wrong. I know enough people who think like you to know it's legit. I've also had serious feelings for a guy and I know I didn't *need* the sex to stay with him. I just don't buy into concepts when I can't see an obvious answer to the question "why". In the example above, I don't think early sex would have hastened the break up. In the end it was something completely outside either of us.

Also, wouldn't you agree that what you do in bed also helps people "really liking" you? I mean, if feelings and sex weren't connected, gays would fall madly in love with women all the time, no?
 
I actually had full out passionate sex with my ex on our first date, and it was our first time meeting. And that relationship lasted almost 2 years.
 
canadianguy91 said:
I actually had full out passionate sex with my ex on our first date, and it was our first time meeting. And that relationship lasted almost 2 years.
Click to expand...

I had sex on the first date when the chemistry was undeniable...that was about 2 years ago. 6 months into it, we realized we weren't compatible as a couple. But...we remain friends with benefits 'til this day. When sex is good, sex is good.
 
lucky7 said:
I don't believe that at all.. hey, i said everyone is not the same.. but if you are telling me that having sex on the first day will not change at all the path of a potential relationship then I have to outrightly disagree with you.

If I am really into someone and we have sex too early.. then i will most likely lose interest in that person emotionally and romantically. Our relationship (the general use of the word, not meaning dating) will take on a sexual tone and probably see him as more of a fuck buddy if even that.

I think men are like that.. sex is often like a conquest.. and if you're that easy of a lay, then there's not much adventure there.
Click to expand...

See you start off saying that all men are different then you say that all men are the same. Which is it?

I don't think that all men are the same, and the idea of "easy lay," is pretty much a judgmental and old school hetero sex negative paradigm. Which is what I was saying above.

I don't understand why you would immediately exclude a guy you really like, who really likes you - simply because you've already had sex with him. Are you the one who only thinks of sex as a conquest? Do you think that the concept of "easy" damages him in some way? I don't see it that way.

I've done both, and I haven't found one or the other a better strategy for finding a guy who's a good candidate for a relationship. Whether you've already had sex or not, if you aren't compatible waiting isn't going to change that and not waiting isn't going to make him any different from the guy he already was. There are a ton of guys out there who went looking for a fuck and found a boyfriend.

I will say that if I did wait for the guy, and the sex was mediocre or just bad, and it continued to be so, that will change my interest level in a guy.
 
They are, however, extremely subjective and kinda mistaking personal opinion for a fact. Delaying something can make it more pleasant. Or it can cause frustration. Depends on the person. Sex can be improved. Or it can't. If you didn't wait and the sex was bad, that might mess things up. If you waited and the sex was bad, that might mess things up. Only after you've spent time and bonded so it will hurt more...

So, it's a case by case thing. Nothing you have said so far is an objective truth that applies to everyone.
 
I've had sex immediately (1st date) and have waited as long as 2 months with several dates before having sex with a guy I was interested in. Neither is a good predictor in whether they ultimately make a great LTR partner. My hubby saw me naked before he asked me out on a date.

Being judgmental about a person having sex "too early" in a courtship is the worst of the worst in hetero-nonsense. I've heard my str8 buddies say this kind of crap, when they've "bagged" a girl on the first date, by inferring the women is a slut and therefore either of low moral character and will cheat on him if they continue dating, or that she is an unfit person to be the mother of his children someday. When I remind them that by the same measure it makes them an unfit father, or inevitable adulterous, scumbag, they take issue with it. Go figure. :rolleyes:
 
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