Group sex, while in a relationship?

[JockstrappedGuy]

Recently my boyfriend confessed to me that he has always fantasized about having group sex, I was ecstatic when he told me because it has always been a very big fantasy of mine as well.
So while I am excited that we can possibly fulfill a shared fantasy, I am however concerned about the long term ramifications of exploring this fantasy. I know things will never be the same if we do, does anyone have any experience in this situation? Should we explore this together or would that destroy what has otherwise been a very happy and fulfilling relationship?

 

[bankside]

If it is acceptable to have sex with more than one person in your lifetime, I have never understood why it would be wrong to have sex with them all at once.

Loyalty is more important to me than monogamy. But I can't have impersonal sex with strangers. I would need to know and trust the people involved. The only person I would trust enough to be as responsible with my guy as I am is unfortunately an old friend from high school who is pretty damn straight.

 

[PhunkSpunk]

First, this thread needs to be in the "Coming out, Relationships, Bisex Talk" forum as there's nothing particularly kinky about group sex in a gay setting. Everyone I know does it pretty regularly, and I wouldn't say I move in extreme circles.

What is kinky for male-male relationships is conjugal fidelity. In fact to define the validity of your relationship in such vulgar 'heteronormative' (pardon the jargon) terms only cheapens it. The ties that bind us over the long-haul aren't erotic.

 

[PhunkSpunk]

Loyalty is more important to me than monogamy.

Perfect!

But I can't have impersonal sex with strangers. I would need to know and trust the people involved.

I'm different. Some of the best sex I've had has been with guys I didn't know. Not even their names. Just this elemental attraction, recognition of a basic need, pure eros. And you can't tell me that Some Kind of Love (thanks, Lou!) isn't happening in those hot moments "Like a dirty French novel . . ."

Just make sure to play safe.

 

[JockstrappedGuy]

We would definitely be playing safe if we did do this. I'm not sure if it would be better with someone we know, or with just someone with both found attractive and barely knew.
The only reason someone we barely know is even an option is because I'm concerned about someone catching feelings and then everything we have going down the shitter, and that would not be an issue if we didn't really know the guy(s)

 

[racer2438]

Wear protection, set the ground rules, don't get attached, agree on the person, and set the limits.

This can also lay the seeds for ur relationship break down, just keep that in mind.

 

[tmat50]

this is a hot fantasy - but usually you find one person is often left out - another option would be to find another couple you find attractive and have sex together with your partners and just watch each other - safe and harmless

 

[Musik2400]

Discuss it first. A lot. Set tons of ground rules, and find out EXACTLY what both of you are comfortable with.

Don't spend the night together with the new person. When you're done having sex, and getting your rocks off, spend some time alone together where you can cuddle, connect, and ride the post-sex euphoria while reinforcing your feelings for each other, and the commitment to each other.

Basically, you need to be aware of a difference between sex (meaningless fun to make the body feel good) and love-making (intimacy between two committed people). When you're having your group play, focus on the moment, and the physical sensation. If you can't fully forget the intimate love-developing side of sex... just focus those feelings on your partner. The two of you can be having sex with several guys, and still be the only two making love. Focus on the fact that this is something the two of you are sharing, and that no one else in that room is going to be sharing this same experience.

Its all about your own comfort level too. Like tmat50 mentioned, feelings of exclusion or jealousy might develop. My husband and I try not to look at it as one is getting more out of the experience than the other, and we try and focus on 'not keeping score'. Its just a way for us to have fun together, so we're just gonna have fun. (ex: My husband sometimes puts my collar on and ties me up in the bathroom for a while, where I can only hear him fucking the guy we picked up. Technically I'm excluded, but I don't feel left out because we both know this turns me on, and for both of us it's just a way to make it more erotic, and enjoy something private between the two of us, even while having sex with a stranger)

 

[bruce379]

We would definitely be playing safe if we did do this. I'm not sure if it would be better with someone we know, or with just someone with both found attractive and barely knew.
The only reason someone we barely know is even an option is because I'm concerned about someone catching feelings and then everything we have going down the shitter, and that would not be an issue if we didn't really know the guy(s)

I'm with PhunkSpunk that loyalty is more important than monogamy. He nailed what gay relationships are all about.

It's good that you are both mature enough to keep things safe.

Now, for the good stuff! Group sex is definitely fun! The best group sex is anonymous sex that is far from where you live, ideally needing to fly over red states . Ideally a group sex party where there are really a lot of guys is much more preferable than a private group sex event. I personally know several couples who go to the regular sex parties in the city where they get off on their fantasies and these guys have been together more than 10 years.

If there isn't a sex club near you, look for the group sex parties and try to get invited to these private group parties, usually held at somebody's house. The advantage of these is that the sex party is usually held in a bedroom where you can have 10 guys or less. Another advantage is that you can never really be too emotionally attached during these situations.

With that being said, my only other advice would be to make sure you go to group parties where safe sex is the theme and vetted people are invited.

Good luck and have fun! And report back soon so that other curious guys here have something to get off with