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Guilt about the truth?!

MateoBoi

MateoBoi

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Hi!
I'm 18, a highschool senior, and happy with my life, socially wise...
But, I'm in the closet and don't want to come out yet.
I'm scared because my parents and friends HATE homosexuality! And because I "act straight", everybody loves me.
Is it wrong to STAY in the closet for some more time?
 
It's not wrong at all.

You have to decide yourself when you're ready. The catch is that, depending on your future plans, you may need the support ($$$) from your parents for the next few years.

But it's not wrong at all to wait until you're ready, and can deal with the consequences, whatever they may be.
 
>>>I'm scared because my parents and friends HATE homosexuality! And because I "act straight", everybody loves me.

No. People don't love you because you "act straight". People love you because, most likely, you're a good person. :)

College (or post-high school, if you don't plan on going to college) is usually a much better time to come out. Feel free to continue on in the closet until then.

Lex
 
MateoBoi,

I agree with Lex, you don't need to come out immediately. What you ought to do, is find some different friends. No offense, but are they the type of people you really want as friends?

And, if you assertion is true, that they love you only because you are "straight", then they don't love you at all.

Like Lex, I think there are other reasons for them to like and love you. Take care and do not feel rushed! And please, do consider finding some friends that don't hate gays!

Rand
 
Some very important questions you have to ask are:

Is it physically safe to come out?

That has to be your first priority. If you are concerned that friends or family will try to harm you, then it's best to stay closeted.

Is it financially safe to come out?

That has to be your second priority. Would your family withdraw all their financial support? Would they kick you out of the house and disown you? Do they contribute to your education? You do not want to end up homeless and you can't sleep on friends' couches forever.

Is it emotionally safe to come out?

Can you deal with all the rejection you're expecting? Is the worst possible scenario so frightening that you couldn't deal with it and stay in school if you even had a school to go to?

If you're coming out and expecting serious consequences from doing so, then you have to plan for what will happen afterwards. So long as you're financially dependent upon your family you cannot deal with them from a position of strength. They will not see you as an independent adult, but as their teenage child. That means they can take away things from you that you need to live in order for you to behave the way they want. When you're out living and working on your own, there's nothing to take away but their love. They can't threaten your security.

Whatever you decide to do, make a plan for what the worst consequences would be. Have a backup plan so you know that if their support is taken away, that you'll have a safe place to go, food, and some clothing.

I suggest seriously considering this before going ahead with it. Coming out is tough but it is a lot easier to do when your loved ones can't hold over your head those things you need to live on. College is very important and you may never get an opportunity to go back to college if you lose it now.

Think very, very, carefully before you act; particularly when so much is at stake. It may be wise to postpone coming out until you have realistic alternative plans.

Good luck ..|
 
I'm scared because my parents and friends HATE homosexuality! And because I "act straight", everybody loves me.
Is it wrong to STAY in the closet for some more time?
Click to expand...

I appreciate you're in the most difficult of positions. I'm sure it is frustrating for you to be feeling trapped and isolated and afraid that you are going to disappoint family and friends by not being what they want you to be.

I never think that there is a rush to out yourself while in High School unless your family is going to be supportive. I have to say though, that you do have a tough choice ahead of you when you leave for college.

As an independent adult, you need to think and act like an independent adult and you'll need to find a way to be honest with parents and friends and yourself.

It is a parent's job to love their offspring unconditionally and to want them to be happy.
 
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