Guilt after Sex/Masterbation.. why?

[Serg01]

Hello,


So I know this is more common problem than we think. I get a huge amount of guilt/discust/little anger/repulsion after I masterbate or have sex. I am 22 years old and I can't seem to figure out why. I have been in a few realtionships spanning 6 months to 1.5 years and all the time without fail this sensation comes over me.

I am not religous, I am not homophobic (I am gay) as I work in a gay bar, volunteer for gay activites.. have NO problem with being gay - its a beautiful tihng and I would not trade it for the world. I wasn't touched or phsycially abused by anyone. I don't take drugs. I don't think its wrong to masterbate at all!! Its healthy and I love doing it.

So just curious to know if anyone else been through this and discovered an answer?

 

[Serg01]

Although I don't have much of a sex life now, the last relationship I was in (1.5 years) we developed an AMAZING sex life. One which i still yern for today.

I don't have many self confidnence issues. I think i am rather attractive and am not shy about size/body.

I do see a psychoanalayist for it.. he is leading on the the side of commitment/vunrability. But I don't really know about that.. It happens in masterbation too and alot of people get it. (Check google)

 

[rareboy]

Some people have a post-orgasmic chemical change in endorphin levels and this results in a variety of reactions from rolling over and going to sleep to languid bliss.

Your post-orgasm response is connected to a deep seated understanding from early childhood that sex is somehow dirty. Your rational self has managed to understand that there is no reason for this reaction, but your subconscious is always triggered by experiencing pleasure.

Do you tend to feel guilty, depressed or let down after any pleasurable activity is over?

If so, you are genetically Presbyterian.

 

[hackingnomberr]

Depends, how were you raised?
How did your friends growing up look at that?
Everytime I masturbate to gay porn, I always like don't want to look at it as soon as I finish, it's just like completely gross to me after that, kinda odd.
Straight porn I don't really mind as much though, maybe it's part of me still not being okay with being gay though.~

 

[Serg01]

Interesting.

I was raised Chatholic however very loosly. Today and for the past 8 years we don't attend church or really even talk about God. I don't have issues with religion and feel spirituallity is more of a logical alternataive - and on even that note I don't really care eaither way.

I have a great relationship with me firends. We talk about alot of things.. I don't really have a problem with talking deep and usually people come to me to do so. I love connecting with people and learnign all there is to can of what people have learnt about life.

I am not a control freak - I can promise you that. I would describe myself as an amazing understanding type of person. I can really and genuinally (sorry if spelling is wrong) understand almost any sitatuation which kinda leads to a bit of indescicvness (however not overtly).



I am beinging to understand a sense of fauilre. A core belif I had with my ex was I was always failing... maybe thats it. Is being a homosexual a fauilre? Logically and rationally ofcoarse not, but maybe thats what was imbedded into me.

I came out when I was 17 (5 years ago) everyone took it well. Parents and friends. NO hostile reactions. Very gratful for that. I am aloud to bring my partner (if I had one) home with no worries of judgment.

mmmmmm

It is like a light switch. Its so powerful though but it only lasts from 15min - 1 hour. But its the things you feel and the thoughts you get which have the biggest impact. You could hate the one you love just like that.

 

[KaraBulut]

Some people have a post-orgasmic chemical change in endorphin levels and this results in a variety of reactions from rolling over and going to sleep to languid bliss.

Your post-orgasm response is connected to a deep seated understanding from early childhood that sex is somehow dirty. Your rational self has managed to understand that there is no reason for this reaction, but your subconscious is always triggered by experiencing pleasure.

Do you tend to feel guilty, depressed or let down after any pleasurable activity is over?

If so, you are genetically Presbyterian.

I joke about "post-orgasmic remorse" and the "coyote ugly syndrome" that lots of guys experience after ejaculation.

But there is a physiological explanation. Studies are showing that our bodies release several different chemicals after an orgasm. One chemical in particular- oxytocin- is known to cause emotional responses in both men and women. Oxytocin causes very emotional reactions in people. It is associated with a feeling of love and the desire to cuddle. But in some people, it also causes a very negatively emotional response.

For some reason, your brain has associated that chemical rush after an orgasm with a feeling of guilt and shame.

 

[Lawnmowerman]

Well I was raised Catholic as well, so for years I always had that guilt after masturbation. Later on I grew tired of the teachings that everything I did was wrong and left the church.

Now I'm happy to say there's NO guilt whatsover when I masturbate. It's a great feeling and I'm extremely happy both during and after orgasm. No more guilt

 

[Serg01]

Well I completly understand its an act of love/sexuality. I know that there is NOTHING wrong with anything as long as no one gets hurt. Masterbation and sex should feel liberating and great and I would recommend it to everyone!

Maybe it is just that... I have a bad chemical make-up and its all about the right chemical being released with the wrong result. Damn, does that mean I have to live with it my whole life?

 

[KaraBulut]

Maybe it is just that... I have a bad chemical make-up and its all about the right chemical being released with the wrong result. Damn, does that mean I have to live with it my whole life?

You can't change the post-orgasmic response but you can change how your brain processes it.

These are learned behaviors. You can "unlearn" them with the help of a therapist.

 

[KaraBulut]

Personally it sounds like he KNOWS he shouldn't feel guilty but still does. I don't think a cerebral exercise with a therapist on this particular issue will be of any benefit personally. (Assuming of course he's told us the truth, if there's anything additional to it we don't know, then my advice might change.)

This might be one of those times when Cognitive Behavioral Therapy might be an effective solution. It's outside my area of expertise, so he would have to get the input of a therapist more familiar with current treatment modalities.

 

[Sha-Rok]

I felt guilt for a good month after I started engaging in sex.I swore it off but then I got the urge and kept doing it until I got over it. Practice, practice, practice!

 

[Corny]

Hmm I kinda used to feel guilty after masturbating - but not that bad. And only like for the first half year after I started Soon I realized everybody is doing it, and there is nothing wrong with it, and the feeling went away.

 

[Serg01]

Fair enough guys. Thanks for the responses Yea the internaliazed homophobia COULD be something. BUT I challenge that becuase I work in a gay bar, I see it all the time. I love seeing guys happily together and also I volunteer for gay events.

Maybe that line of therpay would help. Ill talk to my psychologist when I see him next. I keep thiknig that one I am seeing now is assuming that their is a dark secret that I am not saying when I was young. I wish it were that in some ways becuase I would have something tangable to focus on :S but its not.

Such a mystery :S

Maybe it is about practice with other guys... I have been with around 7 already. mmmmm

 

[erobert]

I sort of know what you're talking about.

When I hit puberty I felt guilty and didn't think it was normal (lol) but when I found out every guy does I realized how silly it was to feel guilty about something that is as natural as breathing.

Now that I'm older it's more a feeling of not having someone. It's nice doing it alone, but it's probably better with someone else... more interactive. It's maybe loneliness (no I'm not talking about hookups).

Most of that can be solved by an experienced boyfriend thankfully.

 

[bankside]

What about accepting that your mood will change - your body is telling you something. Plan some quiet time afterward maybe? Don't expect to feel energized. Count on needing comforting recovery time.

Maybe any negative feeling is amplified by tension between how you do feel vs. how you expect you should feel.

 

[Bohemian Rhapsody]

Well God says masturbation is wrong, so that's why alot of people feel bad when they do it but can't stop because its human nature.

 

[Serg01]

I don't care what god thinks about masterbation That doesnt bother me - again I wish it would so I would have something tangable to deal with. I love it and I know its not wrong AT ALL. The whole religious thing is something I seriously dont think is a factor.

I think what it has become now is something i am expecting. I remeber when i was with me ex for a while there when I was TOTALLY in love, i don't think i got it as much.


I like the idea of embracing it rather than challenging it. I am aware it will pass but its the feeling of NOT wanting to be conforted and not wanting to be held (although I would love to be in the mood to after). So thats really it.. I want to be that affectionate person I am before/during sex but i cant becuase this massive surge of guilt gets inside of me.

Its not really even guilt now that I think of it. Its as if all the feelings I have before/during sex is completly reversed when I orgasm. 'i don;t love this person' 'get off of me'

I have to prob more what I think actually. i alwasy thought I did, but obviously I need to go further. Stop probing the guy... prob the thoughts heheh

Then I think if I think about it too much then thats making it worse....

So the whole thing becomes redundant lol.

 

[star-warrior]

Giving into personal inhibitions might be one thing. You've lost the self control that the horniness has made you a slave to the pleasure and release. Once over, you think, wtf, I could have spent that time doing something more productive.

 

[rareboy]

Well God says masturbation is wrong.

The judeo christian god does not. Onan was punished for disobeying God, not for wanking.

There is no eleventh commandment about tugging on your dick.

Jesus never preached a word about lubing up and spanking the monkey.

As far as I know, the other gods that rule the cosmos and the hearts and minds of believers everywhere have yet to strike down dead the teenager who has rubbed one out every two hours on a saturday when he's bored and horny.