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guy ive been seeing/another level?

gangineer

gangineer

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Hi all,

so here's the situation. there's this guy i've been hooking up with for a while now. he's 26 years older than i am and hot as hell. and really nice to talk to too. and really helpful/gives really good advice, and is an all around nice guy.
now he knows my parents, who don't know i know him (especially in that way) and it's best they don't. actually, that's an understatement. they CANNOT know, which i know sounds bad. but he could get in a lot of trouble at work if they did, which i really don't want. But I don't want to stop seeing him either.
anyway, usually we go walking in the hills near where we live, which is really nice, especially now. sometimes it turns into finding a place out of sight for a blowjob, other times not. it's fun either way.
there are a few things i need advice on, though.

when we're walking, sometimes he'll touch me, stick his hands in my back pocket, or rub my lower back right beneath the pant line, which i definitely don't mind. it turns me on quite a bit. but then i worry that if i tried to do something back, i'd either mess up/be awkward about it, or have it be unwelcomed. is that just stupid? i think it is. if he doesn't want me to do it, he'd just tell me and i'd stop and it would be fine. but if he liked it, it would be even better.

also, we talk about different things. the weather, different trails we like to hike, camping, life in general. but he was telling me about this guy he met recently and how he liked him. should i take that as a hint that he's not into me? i would think it would, but at one point he went back and forth on whether or not he felt bad for the guys who have been together for 17 years. but was with someone for 15 years... and then afterwards we went back to his house (a first) and did quite a bit more than just a blowjob (not anal. not quite ready, though soon if he was interested) and we kissed for the first time which was nice for me (i don't know about for him. i have no idea whether or not i'm a good kisser, though i hpe i am. is that weird?) wow, i haven't stopped thinking about it since then. Would it be weird if he's read this and recognizes me from it? i wonder if he's even on JUB...

last thing. i think he thinks that i'm just a really horny teenager who only thinks about sex. which i sometimes am, i'll admit. but i don't want to think that's it. he's told me that he thinks i'm smart, which is nice to hear from him, but i just worry too much. and he asked why i'm so jumpy. i didn't realize i was until he mentioned it and then it was totally obvious. but i dont want him to think that im nervous around him or dont like him or dont want to be with him. wow. if you've read this far, i'm impressed and thanks. i think i need to just sit down with him and talk about all this. it would probably make me feel a lot better about it all.

i'm kinda just rambling typing as i think to get it all out and figure out what i've been thinking about exactly and my "worries", but your thoughts, opinions, and advice woul be greatly appreciated. I'm pretty into him. should i tell him that? especially since im leaving for college in a few months? maybe something could happen while im stilll here and continue when i'm home? though that doesnt sound very fair to him, though i wouldn't restrict what he could do with other people, of course. as long as he was safe about if (which he always is) and didnt keep it secret? i dont know. again, any advice is helpful.
 
This is a relationship that's more than friends. I feel the both of you should continue to express interest and feelings for each other. Whatever happens is meant to be.

I'd be careful not to let it get too far. You don't want your parents to know and it's a tricky situation (him being 26 years older). But the two of you have bonded, and until the time you two decide not to see each other anymore, just keep doing what you're doing right now.
 
One item at a time.

Can you touch him? Of course. If you're worried about his reaction, ask. Put your hand somewhere, and ask, "Is this OK?" Do it with a smile, and I'm sure he'll say "Of course it's OK." Will it be awkward? Probably somewhat, at first. Doing anything for the first time is awkward, and takes some getting used to. Despite what you might think, we weren't born experts in bed. We've all put elbows into sides, and feet into faces. Eventually, you figure out how it's done. :)

He talked about another guy. Does that mean he doesn't like you? Well, in general, people don't give blowjobs to people they don't like. :) He likes you just fine. But I think he's a realist. You've made it clear to us, and no doubt it's clear to him, that this is going to be a down-low sort of relationship. Those things are fine for a time, but then a lot of people would start looking for a "full-on" relationship. One where they can be a couple, in every sense of the term. Apparently, this isn't in the cards with you and him. In that case, he has every right to keep his options open.

Above all, I'll pull out the most dog-eared card in the decks of Lex.

Tell him.
Not us.
Him.

Tell HIM how you feel, your thoughts, your hopes, your concerns. Doing the "he said such-n-such, what do you think this means" thing is fine for high schoolers. But if you're going to be an adult, it's time you started doing things the adult way. Talk to him. And just like the touching thing, it'll be tough the first time. You'll stumble around, and have a bit of trouble making yourself clear. But practice makes perfect, and you may as well start now.

Good luck.

Lex
 
Lex,

Thanks. That definitely makes sense and I'll definitely talk to him about it. I think he'd get that it might be harder for me than for him as he is much more experienced and be fine with it, especially because we both know that this can never turn into much more than it is now, at least not for a fe years. maybe then, but not now. I think I just have to learn to get over the awkwardness of doing things for the first time and hope for the best and realize that, if it doesn't go exactly as planned, it's not the end of the world.
 
You both seem clear that this friendship can't really turn into a relationship. Thus, it seems to be a friend-with-benefits kind of thing. That's all well and good, unless one of you develops in-love type feelings and the other doesn't. If that's not an issue, then enjoy your time together and your friendship. It will probably be something you cherish forever.
 
Just out of curiosity- How did the relationship begin?
 
he teaches classes at the gym i used to go to.
i could tell he was gay. not super obvious, but, yeah. so when we were both leaving i went and talked to him and we talked for a little and arranged to meet the next day and go for a walk. and it's been kinda on and off since then, but i nthe on phase now.
 
oh, and nothing would ever happen there. only outside. we're not that out of it.
 
If you're happy with the experimentation and the sex, then continue with the way things are.

However, underlying all of this is the fact that you're thinking of this in a larger time frame that he is. You're young and you're searching for something with a future and your friend is older and realizes that this relationship probably has a limited future.

While your question about taking this to another level can be resolved in a conversation with him, there's a conversation that you need to have with yourself to ask what it is that you want.

Do you want a more emotional relationship?

Where do you want to be tomorrow, next week, next year? And do you think that this guy will be part of that future?

And probably most important of all: Do you want a guy who is closer to your age to date and experiment with?
 
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