guy or girl ltr easier......????

[albar05]

Hey guys... i have been thinking about this ... as i am bi, and have had ltr with both girls in the past, currently very happy with a guy for the last 11/2yrs. have the one on jub who are bi find it more emotionally demanding with a guy or a girl.... ??

When i was in my ltr with my ex ( girl ) , i found it was her who was more emotionally dependant on me , however now that i have been in a ltr with my b.f, it seems that my perception of my emotions is totally different..

I personally find it harder to control my emotion state, often feeling emotionally dependant on him,needing reassurance and affirmation , where as before , i was VERY dependant and was always telling my g/f to chill!!!! i never needed this sort of affirmation before, now its me being told to chill ... lol...

Being as this is my first ltr with a guy , and seeng as how much i am TOTALLY in love with him , is this just happening to me or are other guys feeling the same shift in emotions being with a guy rather then a girl... ?

Any comments... ? :O)

 

[RRRalph]

The depending part can have diffirent reasons: one provide a save and protected feeling, one is the relax, steady and down to earth person, one likes the other too much and act possessive, one is the dominant and the other submissive.

It's all about how the individual is. I think most girls are dependant on guys, but in sometimes it's the other way around. I can't speak about relationships with guys, cuz i haven't have one. But the reason of depending i namen before is applicable.

 

[Something Else]

interesting take there man

i had the same scenario of girls constantly showering affection and fawning after me. To the point where i'd be like, CHILL! DAMN! lol

so when you mentioned that, it definitely resonated with me.

And my experience with a guy was not long (less than a year)--so i don't know if i'm qualified to offer.

But if interested, my bf was INITIALLY like the girls i was dealing with--very emotional and intense in the beginning. But somewhere along the line, roles reversed somehow. I became more emotionally involved and he started saying things how i need to CHILL. Which totally made me think of all my other relationships (all with women) and found myself on the other side of that one.

It was really bizarre.

If you've dealt with woman entirely before guys, the emotional contrast is tremendous. There are some things that men will behave just like women in, but the things that are different...BOY is there a contrast!

 

[albar05]

Gee man that sounds so familar! in the beginning my b/f was really attention always texting , checking things where cool , and alittle on his toes...lol... i felt good, coz being my first gay relationship, i felt so amazing, knowing that his hot guy was so into me and stuff.... .

Then somewhere ( and i don;t know where ) , things changed, don;t get me wrong, he still texts and shows me in his own ways how he loves me, but the intensity on his part is gone, and he is always telling me , to chill , relax , its been 11/2yrs and things are just comfortable!!

I am now the one going out of my way to show him how much he means to me and sometimes i feel like he is just alittle too comfortable! if that makes sense! i need affirmation of his feelings... and i wish he would realise i can not read his mind... lol its doubly hard as we are not living together and only see eachother in person on the w/e, when we do its AWESOME!! i can feel his love and see it first hand, but when we are apart, i don't think he realises how disconnected i feel .... and i need that extra bit of attention...

Maybe its just the distance thing , i don;t know, but i am finding this whole experience a real eye open, but i would not change it for the world, he is pretty awesome, and i love him to bits!

:O)

 

[Piquechampion]

I have had somewhat ltr relationships with both genders (as a teenager, so I don´t know how much that counts... but whatever) and I have found that being with a girl is much easier, but boring (maybe I was lucky in that both my gf were really laid down and nice girls) and that being with a guy is much more exciting and passionate, but a lot more harder and filled with drama (maybe cause where I´m from you pretty much have to hide that type of relationship from everyone).

 

[Something Else]

I am now the one going out of my way to show him how much he means to me and sometimes i feel like he is just alittle too comfortable! if that makes sense! i need affirmation of his feelings... and i wish he would realise i can not read his mind... lol its doubly hard as we are not living together and only see eachother in person on the w/e, when we do its AWESOME!! i can feel his love and see it first hand, but when we are apart, i don't think he realises how disconnected i feel .... and i need that extra bit of attention...

i DEFINITELY understand what you're saying in that regards.

my time with my ex was limited as well. (we didn't live together, and his free time was limited by tending to two jobs) So maybe there's something to it...of not living with them?

Dunno

I definitely feel you on the part of "just a little too comfortable" but what can you do when you want the best for him

It's even harder if your first bf is your only gay friend--as was the case for me. You have soo many questions and thoughts, but turn only to him. I think this forum, in that regards helps--since you can bounce ideas or share feelings with other guys in a friendly unfiltered open context.

 

[albar05]

i have to agree, i think being with a guy in a ltr is alot more work ... one of you has to take of the role of " emotional person " and i think that is me at the moment , !! being that i am not generally an overly emotional person who reads into things that is very hard for me!

My b/f is very laid back and sometimes i find that really hard!! i have always been the one to be laid back and chilled .... now i feel that its the opposite!!

God damn when did this get so complicated!!! lol ........... i hate over thinking things !!! lol...

 

[Piquechampion]

^ You do know that your bf can read your posts and view about your relationshiop?

 

[Metroguy78]

Yeah Lugus, he knows i can read them

 

[albar05]

yes i have no problem with my b/f reading my posts... we are very open about our feelings........ so its all cool......

love you metroguy78....xx

 

[Piquechampion]

Cool ... but just a little wonder, if it´s not intruding, why don´t you talk about this you two, I mean talk talk?

 

[Metroguy78]

We have and do talk, as mentioned above we are open about the way we feel about each other. The difference between me and him is i dont tell him as often as he tells me and that make al feel worried, un appreciated etc.

Where as Al telling me so much makes me feel negligent, the bad guy and a little useless... so its a catch 22 really. I could tell him how much i love him the same amount that he does to me but that just not me. I don't think as he does, and i don't get the same urges to send affirmation like al does.

To me it's about accepting, he knows i love him, he knows i will do anything for him. As i know in the reverse. It is just 2 different people with 2 different ways of handling a relationship.

 

[albar05]

we talk all the time, i was just sitting here tonight, wondering if anyone else who has had a ltr with both sexes felt that it was any different....

I have no real problems with my relationship, i value and love metroguy78 like crazy, i just wanted a bi guys opion.

As my b/f has never had a ltr with a girl , i thought i would get the opion on you jub guys...xx

 

[Piquechampion]

To me it's about accepting, he knows i love him, he knows i will do anything for him. As i know in the reverse.

I have no real problems with my relationship, i value and love metroguy78 like crazy,

Awwwww, ya´ll are cute

 

[Something Else]

had stepped away and just got a chance to look again...

wow!

your boyfriend is ON the boards? that's very cool!

it sounds that you guys communicate and do this often.

That is very very important.

That along with patience & empathy from both sides will help when insecurities may surface from either of you.

relationships aren't easy (guy or girl), but if you're working towards the same goals and incorporate communication, patience, empathy and trust...you'll be alright.

it's refreshing to hear that the two of you are in love.
it has put a smile on my face

 

[albar05]

awww you guys are so cool........ this jub site really is the place to come and chat about lifes weird and wonderful journey....:O)

Relationships are a very diverse and confusing animal, and its nice to come here and hear different opions , which alot of the time are similar. And at the end of the day we are all going through alot of the same issues in our lives, just in different place and at different times.

So thank you for taking the time to give your take on things,

It always makes me smile to think , that it took me so long to find the person who truly makes my heart sing with happiness , and my attitude to life so much better, i guess we are all just trying to find the " right " one, and alot of the time you can not choose who that person is. I am just glad i found my " right " one, finally............. i was beginning to lose hop there for awhile!! lol

enjoy your day guys, looking forward to hearing more of what you think on this subject...

Al :O) x

 

[albar05]

Cheers for your comments westwood blues.... very interesting.... its so cool you guys have been 2gether for 2years, well done, you must be really good 2gether..

My b/f and I have been 2gether for 11/2yr and i hope it will be on the start, its pretty awesome , i have to say , and your right, over time we have too become more open with our feeling, and find it really easy to talk about stuff, even if we know it might take some guts to bring it out into the open.

We too are very very playful and soppy when we are 2gether, in alot of way , more so then when i was with my female ltr... i always wondered how the emotional / nurturing part worked without the female in the relationship, and with time i have come to realise that we all have this instinct , its the choice to bring it out or not, i feel that alot of guys when in ltr with women , do not, becoz they feel that its the women who needs to be soft and emotional and nurturing.

Its refreshing to be able to look at my boyfriend and know that for the first time in my life , another person who i love so much mean more to me then my own self.

Its pretty amazing to love someone so much that you would put them first everytime, i never really had that feeling before.

its awesome though!! i am loving every minute of my journey with him and hope it will continue to be so amazing.... :O)