Guys Are Confusing

[Martkell2007]

I'm really good at giving my friends relationship advice, but when it comes to younger less mature guys, I'm always dumbfounded.

(For those of you who read my previous my thread "Outted At Work," this is the same guy, Parker.) So we talked things out and started having dialog. The next day he starts getting flirtatious. He bumps into my shoulder really hard, and when I look at him he's smiling from ear to ear. He would play little juvenile pranks on me, like cutting out the lights when I was in a room (some of our rooms have the light-switch on the outside), and making snide flirty comments like all young men do when they like someone. I flirted back with him even though he has a boyfriend. I just want to be friends with him and thought maybe this was his way of being friendly.

So later on that night he gets a major attitude problem for what seems no reason. He won't speak or respond to me. He even stops performing his job and asks to go home early. I had to pick up his slack.I was furious.

The next time we worked together he ignores me. He usually never initiates conversation, but after working with each other for months we should be beyond needing to break the ice. And I don't know if it was just me, but I felt an awkward tension. What the hell happened???

It's guys like him that make me date older men (he's younger, soon to turn 20).
His birthday is coming up and my heart wants to get him a card, but my logical brain says getting him a b-day card would only complicate things, and I don't want to deal with such a confusing person. I don't understand younger immature men. What's his problem???

 

[G-Lexington]

What's his problem? Nothing much. He's just "of a type". I'd write it off to being 19, but I know someone like that who's going on 30. Somewhat of a flirt, but also somewhat of a drama queen. He used to like to...well, maybe "flirt" is too strong a word, but chat in a friendly silly manner. Then suddenly, nothing. Apparently, I didn't say the right thing at the right time, or something. And it fed on itself - his opinion was, "If HE doesn't know what he did, I most certainly am NOT going to tell him." So he didn't talk to me for months unless he had to.

You know what? His problem. If he wants to play soap opera, and play the dramatic organ music and run away hurt based on some imagined slight, that's up to him. But I don't have any interest in playing along.

Perhaps you should do the same. He's now just "fellow employee". Say hello when you see him. Talk to him when you have to. That's it.

Truth-in-lending disclaimer: I feel compelled to point out that not most younger gay guys act like this, at least not the ones I come into contact with. Yes, it's more common amongst the younger set, but it's neither a given nor exclusive to them.

Lex

 

[Martkell2007]

Would you get him a card? Or is that too much?

 

[looseliam]

No card. Wish him a happy birthday and leave it at that.

If he wants to be all prissy and play the silent game, let him and move along.

 

[-Ryan-]

get him a card.

the heart is more important than a human brain >.>

 

[G-Lexington]

Do you get cards for everyone else in the office? If not, I'd skip it. Say "happy birthday" if you'd like, but if he's the one to put the freeze on, it's up to him to thaw it out.

Lex

 

[Alberto_15]

Do not get him a card, I think he's very likely to take the opportunity to be rude to you yet again.

 

[Martkell2007]

Do you get cards for everyone else in the office? If not, I'd skip it. Say "happy birthday" if you'd like, but if he's the one to put the freeze on, it's up to him to thaw it out.

Exactly, I don't want to treat him special. He'll certainly think I want to date him or something. And Alberto is right, he'd probably just use it as an opportunity to be rude.

 

[bluedragon4]

Go for older. Young guys have no clue what they want or who they are. I was a putz until I was 24/25.

 

[boy0boy]

Being on the opposite spectrum of young guys, I can definately say from experience with those types, just treat him like another co-worker.

Don't give him the satisfaction of showing that you thought of him on his birthday with a card, because likely he wont really care. He'll just chalk it up to you admitting or showing signs that you are interested in him, and it seems thats the last thing you want.

 

[youngnihilist]

at least they're not as confusing as young chicks

 

[xterranx]

Go for older. Young guys have no clue what they want or who they are. I was a putz until I was 24/25.

What a terrible generalization and inane statement. Just because you were like that doesn't mean I or all other ~younger~ folks are like that.

Anyway, back to the original topic: don't get him a card. Just say "Happy birthday" and move on. No need to indulge his freak behavior.

 

[Martkell2007]

Update: So I told him happy b-day today, and that seemed to break some sort of ice. We flirted all day long, from gazing eyes, to the occasional brushing of shoulders and butts haha. Then he asked me what I wanted to do to him for his birthday. I asked him what he wanted me to do. It's so fun to flirt and finally be past the awkward weird moments.

But there is a problem. We both have boyfriends. He said "What they don't know won't hurt him."

I wanted to be his friend, but like I figured, I've let things get out of hand.

I need self-control and discipline if I'm going to defeat this temptation.

 

[Martkell2007]

I've had the same thought huntneo. One of his friends told me not long ago that she drove Parker home during his break to catch his boyfriend in bed with another guy. Perhaps he's trying to get revenge on his man.