Re: Guys/"""Manliness"""... which am I really chas
I fail at this manliness programming stuff. I take pride in the things I take pride in, but those tend to be completely separate from the whole gender role thing.
I never find myself engaging in the 'alpha male' stuff. If I find myself surrounded my high levels of alpha-male-isms or testosterone, my tendency is to either roll my eyes, or just ignore it... and otherwise just to not engage in the group behavior.
I don't feel threatened by the competition (actually, usually just the opposite, I'll feel better for genuinely not caring... leave the boys to their silly games of establishing a pecking order or whatever,) I just think it's all kind of silly and have never really understood it, and thus, I can't really say that I've ever taken part. Usually the farthest I'll go is a sort of passive curiosity. I'll watch the male competitive stuff, but only feel like an observer, and thus no matter what, I'll feel wholly seperate from it. Best case scenario, I find the behavior kind of intruiging and wish to observe. Worst case scenario, I find it all terribly lame and almost laughable.
It's actually sometimes made me think that I was born the wrong gender, because this sort of typical male behavior is really not something I identify with. Not that I'm uncompetitive, I can be quite competitive, but if the question is 'who is more manly?' I really just cannot care... though arguably, that may be because I don't even consider myself a contestant in the first place...! It's not like I'm femme, I just have a pretty good idea of where I stand in terms of masculinity.
For example, I think I'm fairly smart compared to most others in my age group. So, introduce me to someone that's younger and visibly smarter than I am, and my ego will feel somewhat threatened. It still involves a sort of anxiety due to identity issues, but for me it seems almost entirely separate from gender.
Personally, I actually like being kind of 'unmanly.' I just think it suits me more, so I end up taking some level of pride in it. The whole 'cute, sweet, thoughtful, and naive' thing is just way more my style than is the whole masculine hardass thing. I can do both, one just feels much more natural and 'becoming' of me.
And my life experience so far has proved this to me. Usually when people come to like me, it has something to do with this 'delicate and sensitive inner emotional core' thing.... lots of guys seem to like that sort of thing, and would quite willingly devour me whole, if I gave them the chance.
So I don't really get how I should be 'masculine' in order to get guys to like me. Often guys seem to like me because I'm not like ordinary guys. Likewise, often I take pride in the person that I am for similar reasons. An interesting mix of both masculine and feminine character traits seems to be something of a rarity.
I just don't see what's wrong with not acting typically like your gender. For me it can actually be a considerable source of pride...
I see how other men can be imprisoned by notions of masculinity and what it means to be a man... and I just kind of shake my head and thank myself that that will never, ever be a problem for me. I understand why it can be a problem for some people, but it's all just a matter of tossing aside our over-simplifications and expectations on what life ought to be like.
For me I guess this conclusion came more naturally, because I have a pretty androgynous gender identity... so it never really was a question of how I stacked up in comparison to other males. I was always out of the riding by default, and I actually tend to prefer it that way!...
