Gym Attraction

[shampoomeyou]

I believe its time for an update

 

[impregnator]

So 3 years later, I remember this thread that I started. It brings back such memories that were "stored" in the updates I provided here.

Since then, lots has happened. I changed gyms and work. He got transferred elsewhere. And we didn't see each other.

Lately, we are back together at the same gym and lots of things happened. So bare a lengthy update with me

1- He got engaged, got married and has a baby boy. I have been seeing him sporadically but I witnessed all these stages. One thing is that the girl he married, he didn't "date" her before marrying her. Being from a conservative family, I feel it was an arranged sort of marriage. He is not the type of guy who talks about women in general. And I am sure they didn't date before the engagement. The whole thing was so sudden

2- I found out a few years back that he is a police lieutenant. When he became a captain, he got transferred elsewhere, and didn't attend the gym as much as before, until lately, when he comes just once a week for a squash game with a friend of his

3- His best friend before marriage is definitely gay. I know him, and he is gay

4- One time in the lockers, I was changing out of work clothes to get into training clothes, and I found him looking at me in my underwear. So he tells me, those are some big quads / legs you have. Told him I have been squatting and deadlifting. So he told me he should work more on developing his lower body as well

5- Another time, we were talking about facial hair, and he was telling me how he is not allowed to have facial hair, being a cop and all. So I told him I am thinking of shaving my beard and keeping a moustache. He told me it is better if I keep my moustache long and nbot short. The week after I came to the gym and he saw me and I had a short moustache. So in the lockers, he told me: "Didn't I tell you to keep it longer? But you have to be stubborn". So I replied: "Yeah, I don't abide by demands usually". It was so friggin heavy with sexual content or so I thought

6- Every few weeks or so, he nags to me about his wife and he had already told me a few weeks before his marriage that he knows he is gonna lose a part of his freedom when he got married. Told him: "You are a big boy. You will get used to it"

At this point in time, I dated a few girls since my crush on him. I am in a semi-steady relation with one now. In the three years, I hooked up with a couple guys, but nothing serious. But then again, he always has a special place in my mind. No matter how many guys and girls I date, and even though he is a husband and dad now, he had a mark on me. He is a very special man

So that was my VERY late update. Hope everyone is doing well

 

[DonQuixote]

Imoregnator,
I am new to your life story today. You happened to update and I happened to check Hot Topics for something to read other than my regular subscriptions.

You mentioned that you know his best friend from before the wedding and that he is gay - do you know who he is from them playing squash at the gym?

If you are still interested, maybe talking about his friend would provide an entre'e to more *sensitive* discussions?

 

[impregnator]

Imoregnator,
I am new to your life story today. You happened to update and I happened to check Hot Topics for something to read other than my regular subscriptions.

You mentioned that you know his best friend from before the wedding and that he is gay - do you know who he is from them playing squash at the gym?

If you are still interested, maybe talking about his friend would provide an entre'e to more *sensitive* discussions?

Actually, the thing is his best friend is not openly gay :/
And I know his friend from outside the gym not from squash

One more thing, his wife is in no way as physically attractive as he is.

 

[DonQuixote]

Does that leave you any openings for talking about his friend in any form?
Just wondering about the possible openings for you on conversation.

 

[impregnator]

Does that leave you any openings for talking about his friend in any form?
Just wondering about the possible openings for you on conversation.

Well I can't "out" his friend to him...

Man, even though he got married, I am pretty sure that he is at least bi. His relation with his wife seems forced if you know what I mean. Maybe I am completely wrong, but eyes never lie. The logic of how you handle a conversation, the general circumstances are usually a better indicator of your sexual preference more than even the fact if you are married or not

 

[impregnator]

Whereas I won't presume that a reader in your thread can know your circumstance as well as you can, nor will I discount the possibility that you may have previously hooked up with married guys, especially in a culture that leaves little room for gays in a professional environment, I will suggest that your judgment may be clouded by your feelings.

I have a gorgeous co-worker just three years younger than me, the head of another department with whom I interact with daily. He is charming, has salt & pepper hair, is tanned, hairy, and bikes to work as a 50-yr.-old. But, he's straight, has kids in school, and there is no indication he is either closeted or bi. The fact that he converses with me, is animated, accepting, and playful makes it easy for me to read him as gay-friendly or even flirtatious, but it is all on my part in wishful thinking. He never discusses anything sexual, makes no physical contact, and I don't even notice him favoring cute guys. What it does make him is a great guy, period.

In my mind, I think his wife doesn't look as attractive as him as you have said about your object of affection, but I'm gay, and I have a hard time seeing the opposite sex fairly anyway. But more to the point, your comment assumes some sort of rating scale with threes and eights and mismatches visually, totally discounting the connections two souls make that are based on the inside, or even the ineffable.

Your friendship has the potential to be positive and rewarding, but if you harbor the belief his marriage is a sham, that belief itself can grow to undo several lives. It is your life, of course, but the fact that you've maintained a unilateral obsession for multiple years carries with that fact the hint of an arrested development, and perhaps the product of a closeted culture.

Ultimately, the tone of your posts now sound slightly hurt and bitter, and in denial. Is it costing you more by keeping in contact with him than it is worth? Are you hoping for a miraculous turnaround on his part that will likely not occur? Would you not be happier letting it go?

Your post makes lots of sense on different issues. But concerning my changed tone (which you call bitter), I am absolutely glad he found someone but I am hoping he is really happy, or else it would be a shame. If he isn't happy, I feel I am not happy as well. I wouldn't say I am in arrested development, as I have had multiple relations in the past three years (with girls and boys).

But I can't deny he has a special place in my heart or else I would be lying. We are good friends now and I wouldn't say my relation with him is costing me more. I am completely content with us being friends.

The issue of my perception of his sexuality may be skewed. I give you that. It is just that I have never seen him "into" his wife much or into other women in that regard