Had a weird/uncomfortable experience. Need advice

[tallguy23]

So the other night I met up this guy to hook up. We met online and both of us said we only do safe sex. He's about 10-11 years older than me. Anyways so meet up at his place and I immediately was uncomfortable. I should have left and followed my instincts but I didn't. We barely even spoke before he started kissing me. He performed some oral sex on me and started getting a little rough while getting on top of me. He wasn't hurting me and I never felt threatened but it was just weird.

Mind you I've hooked up with guys I met online before but it never was this uncomfortable. It usually goes well for the most part. He then proceeds to try to put my unprotected penis in his ass. Mind you we had both said safe play only! I immediately said no and he stopped. He looked a bit surprised and a little annoyed. He tried doing oral again and I finally told him to stop and I didn't feel well. He wasn;t happy about it but he wasn't rude or anything and walked me out.

Have any of you had an experience like this before? I don't want to overreact but I feel a bit violated and uncomfortable about the whole thing. Just wanted to get some friendly and honest feedback.

 

[Seasoned]

As someone who lived through the 70s and early 80s before meeting my husband, I can attest to the necessity of paying attention to vibes. I'm so glad you eventually listened to yours. Anonymous sex carries risks. Since so many people do it, the majority are normal. However, many people misrepresent themselves or their real intentions. There's a built in risk, but many of us are willing to take that risk because of our sex drives. On what other occasion would we walk into a stranger's home and be ok with the door being locked behind us? Bolt the second something doesn't seem right and realize each time you hook up there's a risk.

The bottom line is that it's an unsafe practice that usually works out ok. Any of us who lived though a period of anonymous sexual activity and came through unscathed realizes we were lucky but also foolish. It is up to us as we take risks for sex to build in as many safeguards as possible.

Take all necessary precautions including letting someone know where you are going, but do understand it's a practice that carries risks. Take good care of yourself.

[I've just finished proofing what I wrote and realized how many times I've used the word "risk." I'm not going to edit, however. Sometimes redundancy has it's place.] -Take care.

 

[umjreon88]

OP, it's happened to me before too. I felt violated and ashamed of myself. Really felt like the person had robbed me of my power. But I told myself that it was a one-off mistake and that instinct should always be followed.

Hugs

 

[Rolyo85]

It happens. Hasn't happened to me yet, but I have many friends who have experienced something similar. You should always trust your gut feeling. Even if you can not find a logical reason, you don't OWE anyone to have sex with them, just because you went to their place or they came to yours. So if it doesn't feel right, it just doesn't and you don't have to explain yourself.

As for feeling violated - get over it. It's a hook up, nobody cares about anyone's feelings here. At best, they are considerate of them, but in the end, you didn't invest emotion, so don't make an awkward situation mean more than it did.

 

[hylas]

ohhhh this sounds uncomfortably familiar. i used to be rather shy and afraid of making other people feel uncomfortable, and afraid of awkwad situations. so i had a couple of hook-ups that werent really working for me, but i "endured" them rather than putting a stop to it. im assertive enough now that this doesnt happen anymore, but i really know how you feel.

the most important thing is that you did end it when it really counted. maybe a litter later than you should have, but still early enough. you did not put your health at risk, and thats the most important part.

i wouldnt occupy myself with this too much. it happened, and now its over, you can learn from it and move on.

when i do online hook-ups, i always talk to the guys in question on the phone before i go see them. not text or chat, but actually talk, hear their voice, if only for a minute or two. i dont know why exactly, but it works like magic for me. ive started doing this a couple of years ago, and since then, ive havnet had a single "weird" encounter. i dont get stood up anymore, either.

 

[tallguy23]

Thanks for the feedback guys!

 

[eastofeden]

My #1 piece of advice for years to just about everyone who asks...ALWAYS PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR INSTINCTS...period.

It is great that you realize you should have...so next time you can act accordingly and be cool with it ahead of time.

PS...I am glad you said NO and got out of there...that is my instinct talking.

 

[GoldLion]

I once hooked up with a guy who was about thirty years older than me. We went back to his place and he started giving me oral and he started getting really kinky. Maybe not super kinky, but was definitely new to me. He was bigger than me and put my hands behind my back and kinda restrained me while he kissed me all over (where he could reach that is). It was uncomfortable at first, especially because he was a bad kisser but then it got kinda hot. He ended up giving me my first rimjob and I think turned me onto bondage a bit, too. It was weird at first but knew I was always safe. Wish I saved his number...

 

[altlover85]

I don't have too much to add, except that I'm glad you listened to your instincts and I second hylas' advice about talking on the phone first.

 

[palemale]

Sometimes lots of back and forth chatting with a guy on an on-line hookup site can seem a little tedious and like it's going nowhere. I recommend that, however, to a quick exchange of emails and then a meet up. You can get a pretty good sense of a guy if you've chatted for awhile. I've chatted with guys who seem like normal guys I would hook up with, who get weird over the course of chatting for a few days. I have a busy schedule, so rarely have the opportunity to meet right away. It works out well because, if a guy can't put in a little time for us to get a sense of each other before meeting, then he isn't worth meeting.