Have a feeling for my str8 friend, what should I do now?

[xeroxexx]

Hello,

I need your advice since I'm a foreigner in the US and I just want to make sure I don't make any cultural mistake out of ignorance.

It has been about 5 months that I know a very sweet straight guy.
He is 26 and I am 33. He has a very nice girlfriend and they seem to have a good relationship. He and I are becoming very good friends and now we are doing lots of stuff together. I tutor him a foreign language and he likes it a lot. I have not told him directly that I am gay but I guess he already knows
So I have this strong desire now to tell him about my feelings and see if he loves me as well but I don't know how to do it. Recently I started touching him a bit just to test and see if he likes it and I think he does or at least he doesn't mind it.

But I don't want sex from him. I want love and I don't know how to tell him or show him. I have done lots of things for him and I think he knows how much I love him by now but I don't know if he loves me back. Should I ask him directly? Should I write him an email and tell him? I'm afraid our relationship will be damaged after that...please help me..you are the best!

 

[youngnihilist]

3 possible outcomes, since he has a good relationship with a female and shows no signs of being gay or sexual/romantic interest in you

-Freak out and cut you out of his life
-Say something like it's okay, continue seeing you for now, but slowly distance himself and awkwardness will prevail
-Be very nice and understanding about it. Say he's flattered and thank you, but he's in love with his girlfriend

Probably best not to tell him and focus on someone who is available.

 

[dragon08]

You will be surprised as to how many people are ignorant to hints that you are gay. If he has a girlfriend then he isn't interested in you.

He has not done anything to indicate that he even likes guys. he is taken anyways. He has a girlfriend and you should respect that.

 

[USEDCAR]

I used to fall for straight guys like crazy until i got hurt big time from one he had me going that he was gay or bi it was a mess and when that happen i woke up and stop falling for straight guys.

You need to realize nothing is not going to happen especially since has a girlfriend and showing no interest in you and even if you tell him your setting your self up for a huge disaster.

i would suggest cutting back on hanging out with him until you get over your crush and surrounding your self with more gay people and joining gay dating websites/apps. It sucks liking straight guys but its something you have to overcome and train your self to stop doing.

 

[Seasoned]

My guess is that you might have been homesick and lonely when you met him and since he was nice, friendly and seemingly accepting you read more into it than was there. Try to switch into thinking of him as a brother because that's how I think he is seeing you.

There's nothing wrong with coming out to him, but it's also time to expand your friendships and love interests. Many, many Americans are enamoured of people from other parts of the world and depending upon your personality it could be very easy for you to have a wide circle if friends.

In summary, love him like a brother and find willing gay men for romantic love.

Best wishes to you.

 

[lambdaboy]

DO NOT! You can tell him your gay but the rest is out.

 

[Rolyo85]

Just like "no", "straight" also always means "no". It COULD mean "yes", but until you are given a clear indication from him, you should assume it's a "no". Good rule for everything in life.

Several red flags:

1. He is your student.
2. He has a girlfriend.
3. He has not indicated in any way an interest in guys.

You are in America. It's FULL of gay men here. Go for someone available and interested

 

[TX-Beau]

You don't want sex from him? Really?

I don't think so, you want to ride his ginormous penis. You may also want his love, but you still want him to smack your ass and tell you to call him daddy.

So Gents, what do we always say? Straight means straight means no penis for you, no love for you, no boyfriend for you. You are also old enough to know better. Why are you doing this to yourself?

 

[xeroxexx]

Thank you all for sharing your views. I'm really grateful and I will definitely consider your advice regarding my friendship.
I really think as @Seasoned mentioned that I have to love him like a brother and probably that is the true feeling I have for him. I will look for my prince among "gay" guys.

Thanks guys! you rock!

 

[Pickwick]

Don't be judgmental TX-Beau please. Love can happen in so many ways you can't even understand.... It could have happened to you too. I'm with Roloyo85 here, enven if I'm struggling myself with that kind of feelings towards one of my straight friend.

 

[Rolyo85]

Don't be judgmental TX-Beau please. Love can happen in so many ways you can't even understand.... It could have happened to you too. I'm with Roloyo85 here, enven if I'm struggling myself with that kind of feelings towards one of my straight friend.

An aside really, but no, it couldn't have happened to him, as it can't happen to me. We don't even see straight guys as sexual objects, let alone romantic ones. If I know a guy is straight, he becomes absolutely unappealing to me. What am I gonna do with him? Pine and sigh? No thanks. Haven't been even remotely interested in a straight guy since coming out.

 

[TX-Beau]

Don't be judgmental TX-Beau please. Love can happen in so many ways you can't even understand.... It could have happened to you too. I'm with Roloyo85 here, enven if I'm struggling myself with that kind of feelings towards one of my straight friend.

Judgmental? Every single one of us has fallen in this trap at least once, it's how we know. The healthy thing to do is learn and move on, and I'm with Rolyo, I do not find unattainable, angsty drama either romantic or sexually appealing - nor do I cal that love.

Love for me requires reciprocity to be real - anything else is just head games you play with yourself. Emotional masturbation - and I know this 'cause I too have been there.

 

[Pickwick]

An aside really, but no, it couldn't have happened to him, as it can't happen to me. We don't even see straight guys as sexual objects, let alone romantic ones. If I know a guy is straight, he becomes absolutely unappealing to me. What am I gonna do with him? Pine and sigh? No thanks. Haven't been even remotely interested in a straight guy since coming out.

Judgmental? Every single one of us has fallen in this trap at least once, it's how we know. The healthy thing to do is learn and move on, and I'm with Rolyo, I do not find unattainable, angsty drama either romantic or sexually appealing - nor do I cal that love.

Love for me requires reciprocity to be real - anything else is just head games you play with yourself. Emotional masturbation - and I know this 'cause I too have been there.

Sorry guys, but TX-Beau you did seem a bit condescending to me. I don't agree with you Rolyo85 as for me any human being can be attracted and even fall in love with any other human being no matter what... So it could happen to you again one day. For my part I thought I had enough with my teen age year and look I met this guy last year and I'm totally crazy for him.... Well never mind, I hope for you xeroxexx that everything is going to get better !

 

[Just_Believe18]

I'm glad you've changed your mind about your friend. He is straight with a girlfriend. He is not an available option. Like you said, pursue gay guys who can appreciate you for who you are.